Joke of the day

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

[firestar12]

Heres a joke,

When do you know Terry is not in his Natrual Habatat?

WHen hes not in a Marmite Factory smearing marmite all over him! hehe...Made that one myself...

[TerryRussell]

What word is always pronounced wrong?
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 V
Wrong.

[Aad The Pirate]

Hoy, guy's
Well, i like the jokes to,however,dont you think this is more for small talk board??
Let me know.
Marc

No Joke, but finally today, after more than a month, someone got the message.

[firestar12]

Ok so, A rooster lays and egg right on the peak of a roof. What side of the roof does the egg go down?

[Aad The Pirate]

My guess is NO SIDE, rooster's eggs are a bit to sticky to glide.

[firestar12]

My guess is NO SIDE, rooster's eggs are a bit to sticky to glide.

Nope, It is NO SIDE, But not for that reason ROOSTERS Don't lay eggs. He he.

[Aad The Pirate]

Read my answer again. The things roosters lay are a bit sticky, aren't they? And those things are sometimes egg-shaped, although they are a lot smaller.

[Aad The Pirate]

If You have nothing else to do in the weekend, You can try them 101 all out, or the 102 if You prefer.

[Mad_Fred]

Hi Fred.

I think we're overlapping again (see above)....

Yeah I noticed. 

[CaptainMike1]

Here's a nice quiet Saturday joke:

Blonde: "Now what do I do?"

Tech Support: "What is the prompt on the screen?"

Blonde: "It's asking for 'Enter Your Last Name'."

Tech Support: "Okay, so type in your last name."

Blonde: "How do you spell that?"

[Captain Best]

Ha ha ha MH1.

That was a good joke

[CaptainMike1]

Here's another:

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."
The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves.
Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.
The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."

[IRI5HJ4CK]

[CaptainMike1]

Nice one Jack:

Here's an Irish joke for you:

An Englishman went into a hardware store and asked to buy a sink.
"Would you like one with a plug?" asked the assistant.
"Don't tell me they've gone electric,"said the Englishman.

[firestar12]

Nice one Jack:

Here's an Irish joke for you:

An Englishman went into a hardware store and asked to buy a sink.
"Would you like one with a plug?" asked the assistant.
"Don't tell me they've gone electric,"said the Englishman.

I don't get it.

[thassos]

I don't get it.

Nah!  It's just MH1 giving a plug for his brand of humour!

[RMS Gigantic]

I don't get it.

A plug is what you put in the hole in the sink to keep all the water from escaping. He thought he meant plug as in what is put in an electrical outlet.

[firestar12]

A plug is what you put in the hole in the sink to keep all the water from escaping. He thought he meant plug as in what is put in an electrical outlet.

Ah...My sink doesn't have one.

[CaptainMike1]

Try this one then?

It was Paddy and Seamus giving the motorcycle a ride on a brisk autumn day. After a wee bit, Paddy who was sitt'n behind Seamus on the bike began to holler ..."Seamus ... Seamus ... the wind is cutt'n me chest out!"
"Well, Paddy my lad," said Seamus, "why don't you take your jacket off and turn it from front to back ... that'll block the wind for you."
So Paddy took Seamus' advice and turned his jacket from front to back and got back on the bike and the two of them were off down the road again. After a bit, Seamus turned to talk to Paddy and was horrified to see that Paddy was not there. Seamus immediately turned the bike around and retraced their route. When after a short time he came to a turn and saw a bunch of farmers standing around Paddy who was sitting on the ground.
"T'anks be to heaven, is he alright?" Seamus hailed to the farmers.
"Well," said one of the farmers, " he was alright when we found him here .. but since we turned his head back to front .. he hasn't said a word since!"

[hilobude123]

I tried not to laugh,..... It did'nt work so well!

[IRI5HJ4CK]

Hahaha All good jokes Mike, I liked the joke you posted before too! I'll post another one in a bit.

Jack.

[CaptainMike1]

Jack

Here's another one while we are waiting:

Mike

An Irishman, an Englishman and a beautiful girl are riding together in a train, with the beautiful girl in the middle. The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!

The train comes out of the tunnel. The woman and the Irishman are sitting there looking perplexed. The Englishman is bent over holding his face which is red from an apparent slap.

The Englishman is thinking "Damn it, that Mick must have tried to kiss the girl, she thought it was me and slapped me."

The girl is thinking, "That Englishman must have moved to kiss me, and kissed the Irishman instead and got slapped."

The Irishman is thinking, "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that Englishman again!!

[IRI5HJ4CK]

Great one Mike!

An old man and a young man fished together on a regular basis. One day the old man had a jar of peanuts by his side. The young man loves peanuts but the old man did not offer him any.

After a time and while the old man was looking the other way, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the old man's peanuts. Eventually the young man, feeling guilty, confesses to taking the peanuts. "That's OK," the old man replies after a moment. "Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off the Peanut M&Ms."

Jack
p.s. Here's another one

An able-bodied seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea. Noting the pirate's peg-leg, hook, and eye patch The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies "We was caught in a monster storm off the cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin' me out a school of sharks appeared and one of 'em bit me leg off". "Blimey!" said the seaman. "What about the hook"? "Ahhhh...", mused the pirate, "We were boardin' a trader ship, pistols blastin' and swords swingin' this way and that. In the fracas me hand got chopped off." "Blimey!" remarked the seaman. "And how came ye by the eye patch"? "A seagull droppin' fell into me eye", answered the pirate. "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously. "Well..." said the pirate; " it was me first day with the hook."

[CaptainMike1]

Nice one Jack, great for AAD!!

Here's another:

How much for an advert

'Is that the Liverpool Echo?' said Murphy.
'It is.'
'How much would it be to put an ad in your paper?'
'Five pounds an inch,' replied the receptionist.
Too dear!' snapped Murphy.
'Why? What are you selling?'
'A ten-foot ladder,' said the Irishman, and banged the phone down

[IRI5HJ4CK]

Great one again Mike

An Irishman had been found guilty of murder and sentenced to the electric chair.

'Have you any last request?' asked the prison warden.

'Yes,' replied the Irishman. 'Would you hold my hand when I go?'


Jack