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Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 513213 times)

Dannypenguin

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2675 on: August 14, 2014, 09:05:05 »


(Taken from another forum - this is not me but true!):

True story. I used to commute from Kingston on Thames, the service was not great at times. My favourite morning the following sequence of announcements were heard:
"Passengers awaiting the 8.05 to London Waterloo, this train is running approximately five minutes late."
"Passengers awaiting the 8.05 for London Waterloo, this train is running approximately ten minutes late."
"Passengers awaiting the 8.05 for London Waterloo, this train has just left Strawberry Hill."
"Passengers awaiting the 8.05 for London Waterloo, this train will not run, this is due to typical **** British Rail management incompetence."
"British rail would like me to apologise for the last announcement, but I'm not going to, because it's true."
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Captain Cadet

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2676 on: August 14, 2014, 10:46:14 »

Haha
The only ever time I missed the train was because it was on time  :doh: can arriva trains Wales get there act together?  :doh:
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Captain Cadet
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saltydog

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2677 on: February 06, 2015, 10:19:54 »

Read on gCaptain.. ;)

In a recent Ask Reddit subreddit, one user posed the question: “what is the laziest thing you’ve ever done?” Not surprisingly, some of the responses were pathetically lazy. But one user telling the story of his days sailing on a U.S. military ship by far takes the cake. Here’s his story:

    I was once on a US military ship, having breakfast in the wardroom (officers lounge) when the Operations Officer (OPS) walks in. This guy was the definition of NOT a morning person; he’s still half asleep, bleary eyed… basically a zombie with a bagel. He sits down across from me to eat his bagel and is just barely conscious. My back is to the outboard side of the ship, and the morning sun is blazing in one of the portholes putting a big bright-ass circle of light right on his barely conscious face. He’s squinting and chewing and basically just remembering how to be alive for today. It’s painful to watch.

    But then zombie-OPS stops chewing, slowly picks up the phone, and dials the bridge. In his well-known I’m-still-totally-asleep voice, he says “heeeey. It’s OPS. Could you… shift our barpat… yeah, one six five. Thanks.” And puts the phone down. And then he just sits there. Squinting. Waiting.

    And then, ever so slowly, I realize that that big blazing spot of sun has begun to slide off the zombie’s face and onto the wall behind him. After a moment it clears his face and he blinks slowly a few times and the brilliant beauty of what I’ve just witnessed begins to overwhelm me. By ordering the bridge to adjust the ship’s back-and-forth patrol by about 15 degrees, he’s changed our course just enough to reposition the sun off of his face. He’s literally just redirected thousands of tons of steel and hundreds of people so that he could get the sun out of his eyes while he eats his bagel. I am in awe.

    He slowly picks up his bagel and for a moment I’m terrified at the thought that his own genius may escape him, that he may never appreciate the epic brilliance of his laziness (since he’s not going to wake up for another hour). But between his next bites he pauses, looks at me, and gives me the faintest, sly grin, before returning to gnaw slowly on his zombie bagel.
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GeoP17

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2678 on: February 06, 2015, 12:52:08 »

The perfect example of "like a boss" 8)
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Thanks a lot stormforce!

Dannypenguin

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2679 on: February 06, 2015, 14:06:27 »

That is just....I am still laughing  :doh:
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2680 on: May 25, 2015, 17:22:42 »

Haha
The only ever time I missed the train was because it was on time  :doh: can arriva trains Wales get there act together?  :doh:
Hi SeaLords and Ladys.
It's a given fact that trains, wherever on the world, don't run on Time.
They run on RAILS
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saltydog

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2681 on: May 25, 2015, 17:56:56 »

Murphy's Law on travel by bus:

- you arrive early at the bus stop, the bus is late
- you arrive on time at the bus stop, the bus was early
- you arrive late at the bus stop, the bus was on time..   ;D
« Last Edit: May 25, 2015, 19:48:06 by saltydog »
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Mr Robville

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2682 on: May 26, 2015, 07:41:15 »

Murphy's Law on travel by bus:

- you arrive early at the bus stop, the bus is late
- you arrive on time at the bus stop, the bus was early
- you arrive late at the bus stop, the bus was on time..   ;D

Every. Single. Time.

 :doh:
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Rbsanford

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2683 on: September 07, 2015, 07:03:45 »

I found this photo on Reddit a couple weeks ago:



It looks like Half Life 3 will be Windows exclusive.  :doh:
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Today's weather:

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Not to sound cliched, but what a long, strange, trip it's been.
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