Topic: Joke of the day (Read 839031 times)

There is an apple shop here which doesn't sell apples but cider
Typical apple fan

Guy 1: Hey, how much did you pay for that mac?
Guy 2: $1500
Guy 1: So it must have a nVidia 8800 and like 4GB of RAM right?
GUy 2: No, onboard graphics and 1GB of RAM
Guy 1: So why was it so much?
Guy 2: The keyboard is nice

Rbsanford · « **Reply #2658 on:** May 12, 2013, 17:59:32 »

If Apple made pencils, they would be simple, white, rounded, packaged one per box, cost $1900, and require an internet connection.

And the funniest thing is is that everyone would want one.

Captain Cadet · « **Reply #2659 on:** May 12, 2013, 19:38:29 »

Quote from: Rbsanford on May 12, 2013, 17:59:32

If Apple made pencils, they would be simple, white, rounded, packaged one per box, cost $1900, and require an internet connection.

And the funniest thing is is that everyone would want one.

What did one computer say to the other?
010101101010101010101

Captain Cadet · « **Reply #2660 on:** May 21, 2013, 21:52:49 »

Ie for you

sydmichel · « **Reply #2661 on:** May 30, 2013, 19:43:49 »

There has been an increase of crime taking place in multistory car parks. A spokesman for the police said that, "it is wrong, on so many levels".

Rbsanford · « **Reply #2662 on:** July 01, 2013, 05:17:29 »

Why does lightning shock people?

Because it doesn't know how to conduct itself.

sydmichel · « **Reply #2663 on:** August 16, 2013, 12:28:37 »

Fracking for gas

It is rumored that the technique of "Fracking" can cause earth tremors. Yesterday the British government has confirmed that it is true.

Whilst Fracking was taking place deep below the streets of LIVERPOOL England, the Hydraulic fracturing caused a major rupture and tremors were felt up to 50 miles away. It has now been confirmed that the resultant earthquake has caused up to 300 Billion Pounds worth of improvements.

Rbsanford · « **Reply #2664 on:** August 27, 2013, 05:21:44 »

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a juggler performing in a busy city street among a large crowd. The performer fears that the group won't be able to see him, so he stands and a wooden box and asks, "Can you four see me?"

They reply one by one:
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Si."
"Ja."

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #2665 on:** August 27, 2013, 09:25:16 »

Quote from: Rbsanford on August 27, 2013, 05:21:44

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a juggler performing in a busy city street among a large crowd. The performer fears that the group won't be able to see him, so he stands and a wooden box and asks, "Can you four see me?"

They reply one by one:
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Si."
"Ja."

I think something got lost in the translation?

Dannypenguin · « **Reply #2666 on:** August 27, 2013, 10:07:07 »

Quote from: Rbsanford on August 27, 2013, 05:21:44

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a juggler performing in a busy city street among a large crowd. The performer fears that the group won't be able to see him, so he stands and a wooden box and asks, "Can you four see me?"

They reply one by one:
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Si."
"Ja."

I like that!

clanky · « **Reply #2667 on:** August 27, 2013, 14:10:21 »

Quote from: Rbsanford on August 27, 2013, 05:21:44

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a juggler performing in a busy city street among a large crowd. The performer fears that the group won't be able to see him, so he stands and a wooden box and asks, "Can you four see me?"

They reply one by one:
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Si."
"Ja."

Very good

Captain Cadet · « **Reply #2668 on:** August 28, 2013, 21:28:52 »

Quote from: CaptainMike1 on August 27, 2013, 09:25:16

I think something got lost in the translation?

Your not the only one

Captain Cadet · « **Reply #2669 on:** September 08, 2013, 23:09:22 »

Why Microsoft brought Nokia

Rbsanford · « **Reply #2670 on:** September 09, 2013, 01:02:12 »

Is that really Bill Gates? He looks so old.

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #2671 on:** September 18, 2013, 17:51:27 »

Quote from: Rbsanford on September 09, 2013, 01:02:12

Is that really Bill Gates? He looks so old.

He is!

Dannypenguin · « **Reply #2672 on:** September 20, 2013, 20:34:28 »

RupertSpicery · « **Reply #2673 on:** July 28, 2014, 07:41:34 »

Quote from: Aad The Pirate on December 23, 2012, 21:40:31

Ole and Lena went to the same Lutheran Church. Lena went every Sunday and taught Sunday School.
Ole went on Christmas and Easter and once in a while, he went on one of the other Sundays.
On one of those Sundays, he was in the pew right behind Lena and he noticed vhat a fine looking Spambot she was.
Vhile dey were taking up the collection, Ole leaned forward and said, "Hey, Lena, how about you and me go to dinner in New Ulm next Friday?"
"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena.

Well, Ole couldn't believe his luck. All week long he polished up his old Ford, and on Friday he picked Lena up and took her to the finest restaurant in New Ulm. When they sat down, Ole looked over at Lena and said, "Hey, Lena, vould you like a cocktail before dinner?"
"Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?"

Vell, Ole was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes manufactured by ecigfiend (http://www.ecigfiend.com/products/). "Hey, Lena," said Ole, "vould you like a smoke?"
"Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?"

Vell, Ole vas feeling pretty low after that, so he yust got in his Ford and vas driving Lena home ven dey passed the Hot Springs Motel.
He'd struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose.
"Hey, Lena," said Ole, "how vould you like to stop at that motel with me?"
"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena.

Vell, Ole couldn't believe his luck. He did a U-turn right then and there across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and checked in vith Lena.

The next morning Ole got up first. He looked at Lena lying there in the bed, her hair all spread out on her pillow. "Vat have I done? Vat have I done?" thought Ole.

He shook Lena and she woke up. "Lena, I've got to ask you von ting," said Ole. "Vat are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"

Lena said, "The same ting I alvays tell dem. You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time!"

Yes Lena is absolutely right..We don't need to follow our bad habit in order to enjoy and relax..

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #2674 on:** July 28, 2014, 18:08:39 »

Doesn't that sound strange?
You know Cookies?
You know Bacon?
How come You have to COOK your Bacon and have to BAKE your Cookies?

Author Topic: Joke of the day (Read 839031 times)

larsdehaan