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Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 804521 times)

RMSGreatBritain

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #350 on: January 10, 2009, 19:45:55 »

he he, very good! :D
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Minime

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #351 on: January 11, 2009, 02:13:15 »

I didn't get it right away, but very funny
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #352 on: January 12, 2009, 14:17:42 »

Eco Joke!
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TerryRussell

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #353 on: January 12, 2009, 18:02:18 »

Brought an ironic smirk to my face.

Thanks, Mike
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IRI5HJ4CK

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #354 on: January 12, 2009, 18:16:32 »

A woman and a man driver are involved in a horrific collision, but amazingly both escape completely unhurt - though their cars are written off.
As they crawl out of the wreckage, the man sees the woman is blonde and strikingly beautiful. Then the woman turns to the man and gushes breathily: 'That's incredible - both our cars are demolished but we're fine. It must be a sign from God that we are meant to be together!'
Sensing a promise, the man stammers back, 'Oh yes, I agree with you completely!'

The woman goes on, 'And look, though my car was destroyed, this bottle of wine survived intact, too! It must be another sign. Let's drink to our love!'

'Well, OK!' says the man, going with the moment. She offers him the bottle, so he downs half of it and hands it back.

'Your turn,' says the man.

'No, thanks,' says the woman, 'I think I'll just wait for the police.'

Jack :D
p.s. Love that joke Mike :D
« Last Edit: January 12, 2009, 18:23:46 by IRI5HJ4CK »
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Kind Regards,
Jack.

CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #355 on: January 12, 2009, 18:23:52 »

Brought an ironic smirk to my face.

Thanks, Mike

Terry

Thought the Titanic fans would like it too!!

Nice one Jack

Mike
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #356 on: January 12, 2009, 19:25:58 »

And they may dislike this one  ;D
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TerryRussell

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #357 on: January 12, 2009, 20:42:15 »

 ;D  :laugh:  :laugh: :D  :)

Loved it, Aad.
« Last Edit: January 13, 2009, 00:36:02 by TerryRussell »
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Minime

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #358 on: January 12, 2009, 23:02:46 »

Nice jokes guys
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Master Captain

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #359 on: January 12, 2009, 23:15:52 »

always nice to have a good laugh, good ones guys ;D
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #360 on: January 13, 2009, 00:30:37 »

When snowflakes are softly whirling down to earth, and you are wondering what they taste like, be aware where You're standing.
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Mad_Fred

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #361 on: January 13, 2009, 00:33:30 »

 :laugh:


Good one!
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Drakko

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #362 on: January 13, 2009, 00:38:03 »

here`s mine: there were three adults one was called nothing , tho other nobody and the last one was called stupid then one day nothing fall into a hole and nobody began to help him , meanwhile stupid go with a police for help and he said : nothing fall into a hole and nobody is helping .
the police ask : are you stupid?
then stupid saids: nice to meet you
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Master Captain

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #363 on: January 13, 2009, 01:32:50 »

hehe, thats pretty good :D
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #364 on: January 13, 2009, 16:54:18 »

THE ITALIAN GRAN'

 
An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her
grown  grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You comma to de front door of the apartmenta.  I
am inna apartmenta 301  ..
There issa bigga panel at the front door.  With
you elbow, pusha button 301.
I will buzza you in.  Come  inside, the elevator
is on the right. Get in, and with you elbow,  pusha 3.
When you get out, I'mma on the left. With
you elbow, hit my  doorbell."

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting
all  these buttons with my elbow?

"What . . . . . .. .. You coming  empty handed?"
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RMSGreatBritain

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #365 on: January 13, 2009, 16:57:08 »

he he nice one! ;D
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Ncena1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #366 on: January 13, 2009, 17:30:08 »

yes  ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Minime

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #367 on: January 13, 2009, 17:37:56 »

hehe nice one
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #368 on: January 13, 2009, 17:55:07 »

I have a Question. In fact, I have 10 questions.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea....does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

If people from  Poland  are called Poles, then why aren't people from  Holland called Holes?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?

As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and ' IRS ' together, it spells 'THEIRS'?
 
 
 
 
 
 
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #369 on: January 13, 2009, 18:10:48 »


As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and ' IRS ' together, it spells 'THEIRS'?
  

Doesn't work in England, here were have HMR&C - Her Majesties Revenue and Customs. Don't know why it's called that as she doesn't get the money!!
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #370 on: January 14, 2009, 15:58:39 »

Got Kid's ?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT !

1. You spend the first two years of your childrens life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day

AND FINALLY:

If you have a lot of tension and you got a headache, do what it says on the Aspirin Bottle:

'Take two Aspirin' and 'Keep away from children'!!!!!
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #371 on: January 14, 2009, 18:24:40 »

YES, I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN!

I'm the life of the party......    Even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
I'm very good at opening childproof caps...   With a hammer.
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.
I'm very good at telling stories; over and over and over and over...
I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not nearly as cute as mine.
I'm so cared for --- long term care, eye care, private care, dental care.
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Cat320DL

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #372 on: January 14, 2009, 19:33:43 »

Good one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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RMSGreatBritain

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #373 on: January 14, 2009, 19:43:20 »

Good ones there Aad and MH1
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ABCRic

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #374 on: January 14, 2009, 21:57:25 »

LOL. LOL.
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