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Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 840090 times)

bbydino05

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #375 on: January 15, 2009, 01:57:15 »

*****


really excepting the fact that i am christian i dont find this really funny in fact it is really rude
« Last Edit: January 15, 2009, 02:25:45 by Mad_Fred »
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Mad_Fred

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #376 on: January 15, 2009, 02:32:17 »

Hi gentlemen,

I have removed the last joke. I think it wasn't really that rude, because it was quite innocent, yet I understand and respect how you, bbydino55, might not agree. And I think you thus have a valid point.

I am very much convinced that Aad meant no disrespect, but it might be wise, to steer clear of religious or political content and such, because it's not always suited for everyone, and I'd like to compare that to the '7 year old' rule that Terry has referred to aswell. Some people might find it blasphemous to mix humor with religion.

So Aad, I removed that joke. I trust you understand.

Regards,
Fred
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #377 on: January 15, 2009, 10:36:32 »

@Fred,
Message understood. I hope no harm was done. Didn't indeed ment to insult anybody. So I removed the whole entry.
Regards
Aad
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Mad_Fred

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #378 on: January 15, 2009, 10:45:52 »

Thanks Aad, for understanding and removing!!   :)

I don't think there will be any permanent damage... right bbydino05?  ;)

Regards,
Fred
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CaptainMike1

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  • Posts: 3517
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #379 on: January 15, 2009, 12:23:54 »

Here's a non-religious, non-racial, non-political, jokes for 6 year olds:

Drunk Giraffe
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe.

He walks up to the bar and takes a seat, the giraffe does the same.

The man orders a beer for himself and a double scotch for the giraffe.

They both proceed to drink and after a while they order the same again.

They continue all night, ordering the same drinks, drinking them and ordering another load untill suddenly the giraffe falls off his stool and lies unconscious on the floor.

The man gets up of his stool and heads for the door, The barman shouts at him as he heads out the door 'You can't leave that lyin' 'ere!' to which the man replies,

'Its not a lion its a giraffe!
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RMSGreatBritain

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #380 on: January 15, 2009, 17:10:56 »

bad joke, but good joke! ;D
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #381 on: January 15, 2009, 17:13:39 »

How about this one, the 5 year old next door really loved this:

Driving with Penguins

A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.

The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again he is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I thought I told you to take those to the zoo."

The man replies "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."
« Last Edit: January 15, 2009, 17:16:38 by MH1 »
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ash

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #382 on: January 15, 2009, 19:08:11 »

thats gooooood
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TerryRussell

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #383 on: January 15, 2009, 19:48:19 »

Two blondes walked into a building.

You'd think at least one of them would have noticed it.
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #384 on: January 15, 2009, 21:04:30 »

The K9 Patrol
The police department, famous for its superior canine (K-9) unit, was somewhat taken back by a recent incident.

Returning home from work a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burgled. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash the blonde ran out onto the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned, 'I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send a blind policeman!'
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Mad_Fred

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #385 on: January 15, 2009, 22:17:47 »

Good jokes, gentlemen!!  ;D

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Second Mate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #386 on: January 16, 2009, 00:39:06 »

Here's a non-religious, non-racial, non-political, jokes for 6 year olds:


I guess jokes about Hamas are out then
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bbydino05

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  • Posts: 419
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #387 on: January 16, 2009, 00:41:52 »

Thanks Aad, for understanding and removing!!   :)

I don't think there will be any permanent damage... right bbydino05?  ;)

Regards,
Fred
right but really as long as it doesn't go that far i really don't mind but that went a litle to far
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TerryRussell

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #388 on: January 16, 2009, 01:31:26 »

Chaps, post jokes here, not chatter!


I went to the doctors. He said 'What's the problem?'.

I said 'I keep having the same dream, night after night, beautiful Spambot rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away'.

He said 'What do you want me to do?'.

I said 'Break my arms!'
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Master Captain

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #389 on: January 16, 2009, 03:29:42 »

hehehe, good one :D heres one

Q: How do you know when it's going to be a good day at work?

A: When you see your boss' picture on the side of the milk carton. 
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #390 on: January 16, 2009, 10:35:45 »

Computer Joke


A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English,
nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."

"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male
and Spambot, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be
a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine
gender ("la computadora") because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later
retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your
paycheck on accessories for it.

The Spambot's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("el
computador") because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves.

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time, they ARE the
problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little
longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The Spambot won.

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RMS Gigantic

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #391 on: January 16, 2009, 13:00:57 »

Although looking into it, it actually IS "la computadora", Spambot.
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Ballast

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #392 on: January 16, 2009, 13:28:51 »

Computer Joke


A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English,
nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."

"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male
and Spambot, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be
a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine
gender ("la computadora") because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later
retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your
paycheck on accessories for it.

The Spambot's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("el
computador") because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves.

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time, they ARE the
problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little
longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The Spambot won.



That one put a smile from ear to ear on my face  ;D
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #393 on: January 16, 2009, 13:29:47 »

Blonde Sheep Winner
There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

She asked the shepherd, "If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?"

He replied "Sure!"

Out of the blue, she blurts out, "352!"

He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She looks and searches and finally picks out the cutest one.

He looks at her and says, "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back!"
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RMS Gigantic

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #394 on: January 16, 2009, 23:20:00 »

Already been posted, Aad.
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #395 on: January 17, 2009, 00:10:52 »

Animal Super Bowl
During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.

At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.

The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"

"I did," said the centipede.

"Who stopped the rhino?"

"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.

"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"

"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.

"So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.

"Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #396 on: January 17, 2009, 00:16:49 »

Rudolph's Medical Bill
Santa Claus brings poor Rudolph to the vet. He says to the vet, "Doctor, please do something for my Rudolph. His nose won't light up." The vet walks out of the room and returns with a pet carrier. He places the pet carrier next to the reindeer, opens it and out steps a cat. The cat walks around the reindeer and sniffs it. The cat then walks back into the carrier. The animal doctor takes it out of the room and returns. He hands Santa Claus the bill. Santa gasps, "$350 dollars! You didn't do anything for my Rudolph and you're charging me $350 dollars?" The vet shrugged and replied, "That's the usual charge. $50 dollars for the office visit and $300 dollars for the CAT SCAN."
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TerryRussell

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #397 on: January 17, 2009, 01:00:56 »

Two Aerials met on a roof.

They fell in love and got married.

The ceremony was boring but the Reception was brilliant.
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RMSGreatBritain

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #398 on: January 17, 2009, 09:24:32 »

Two Aerials met on a roof.

They fell in love and got married.

The ceremony was boring but the Reception was brilliant.


That was awful Terry yet it still made me laugh! ;D
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #399 on: January 17, 2009, 11:44:05 »

Rabbit Test
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
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