Topic: Joke of the day (Read 839231 times)

RMSGreatBritain · « **Reply #350 on:** January 10, 2009, 19:45:55 »

he he, very good!

Minime · « **Reply #351 on:** January 11, 2009, 02:13:15 »

I didn't get it right away, but very funny

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #352 on:** January 12, 2009, 14:17:42 »

Eco Joke!

TerryRussell · « **Reply #353 on:** January 12, 2009, 18:02:18 »

Brought an ironic smirk to my face.

Thanks, Mike

IRI5HJ4CK · « **Reply #354 on:** January 12, 2009, 18:16:32 »

A Spambot and a man driver are involved in a horrific collision, but amazingly both escape completely unhurt - though their cars are written off.
As they crawl out of the wreckage, the man sees the Spambot is blonde and strikingly beautiful. Then the Spambot turns to the man and gushes breathily: 'That's incredible - both our cars are demolished but we're fine. It must be a sign from God that we are meant to be together!'
Sensing a promise, the man stammers back, 'Oh yes, I agree with you completely!'

The Spambot goes on, 'And look, though my car was destroyed, this bottle of wine survived intact, too! It must be another sign. Let's drink to our love!'

'Well, OK!' says the man, going with the moment. She offers him the bottle, so he downs half of it and hands it back.

'Your turn,' says the man.

'No, thanks,' says the Spambot, 'I think I'll just wait for the police.'

Jack

p.s. Love that joke Mike

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #355 on:** January 12, 2009, 18:23:52 »

Quote from: TerryRussell on January 12, 2009, 18:02:18

Brought an ironic smirk to my face.

Thanks, Mike

Terry

Thought the Titanic fans would like it too!!

Nice one Jack

Mike

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #356 on:** January 12, 2009, 19:25:58 »

And they may dislike this one

TerryRussell · « **Reply #357 on:** January 12, 2009, 20:42:15 »

:laugh: :laugh:

Loved it, Aad.

Minime · « **Reply #358 on:** January 12, 2009, 23:02:46 »

Nice jokes guys

Master Captain · « **Reply #359 on:** January 12, 2009, 23:15:52 »

always nice to have a good laugh, good ones guys

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #360 on:** January 13, 2009, 00:30:37 »

When snowflakes are softly whirling down to earth, and you are wondering what they taste like, be aware where You're standing.

Mad_Fred · « **Reply #361 on:** January 13, 2009, 00:33:30 »

:laugh:

Good one!

Drakko · « **Reply #362 on:** January 13, 2009, 00:38:03 »

here`s mine: there were three adults one was called nothing , tho other nobody and the last one was called stupid then one day nothing fall into a hole and nobody began to help him , meanwhile stupid go with a police for help and he said : nothing fall into a hole and nobody is helping .
the police ask : are you stupid?
then stupid saids: nice to meet you

Master Captain · « **Reply #363 on:** January 13, 2009, 01:32:50 »

hehe, thats pretty good

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #364 on:** January 13, 2009, 16:54:18 »

THE ITALIAN GRAN'

An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her
grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You comma to de front door of the apartmenta. I
am inna apartmenta 301 ..
There issa bigga panel at the front door. With
you elbow, pusha button 301.
I will buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator
is on the right. Get in, and with you elbow, pusha 3.
When you get out, I'mma on the left. With
you elbow, hit my doorbell."

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting
all these buttons with my elbow?

"What . . . . . .. .. You coming empty handed?"

RMSGreatBritain · « **Reply #365 on:** January 13, 2009, 16:57:08 »

he he nice one!

Ncena1 · « **Reply #366 on:** January 13, 2009, 17:30:08 »

yes

Minime · « **Reply #367 on:** January 13, 2009, 17:37:56 »

hehe nice one

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #368 on:** January 13, 2009, 17:55:07 »

I have a Question. In fact, I have 10 questions.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea....does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?

As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and ' IRS ' together, it spells 'THEIRS'?

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #369 on:** January 13, 2009, 18:10:48 »

Quote from: aadjepiraatje on January 13, 2009, 17:55:07

As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and ' IRS ' together, it spells 'THEIRS'?

Doesn't work in England, here were have HMR&C - Her Majesties Revenue and Customs. Don't know why it's called that as she doesn't get the money!!

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #370 on:** January 14, 2009, 15:58:39 »

Got Kid's ?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT !

1. You spend the first two years of your childrens life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day

AND FINALLY:

If you have a lot of tension and you got a headache, do what it says on the Aspirin Bottle:

'Take two Aspirin' and 'Keep away from children'!!!!!

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #371 on:** January 14, 2009, 18:24:40 »

YES, I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN!

I'm the life of the party...... Even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
I'm very good at opening childproof caps... With a hammer.
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.
I'm very good at telling stories; over and over and over and over...
I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not nearly as cute as mine.
I'm so cared for --- long term care, eye care, private care, dental care.

Cat320DL · « **Reply #372 on:** January 14, 2009, 19:33:43 »

Good one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RMSGreatBritain · « **Reply #373 on:** January 14, 2009, 19:43:20 »

Good ones there Aad and MH1

ABCRic · « **Reply #374 on:** January 14, 2009, 21:57:25 »

LOL. LOL.

Author Topic: Joke of the day (Read 839231 times)

TerryRussell

TerryRussell