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Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 721881 times)

Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2650 on: May 07, 2013, 15:05:05 »

Not quite sure what that means (can't find it in the usual slang)
I'm guessing Laughed So Loud My Penguin Dived Overboard.. ;)
Laughed So Loud My Pants Dropped Off
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Brave Sir Charge

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2651 on: May 07, 2013, 20:55:27 »

Apple got rid of iTunes  ;D
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Captain Cadet

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2652 on: May 07, 2013, 21:32:54 »

Apple got rid of iTunes  ;D
Pirates wished
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Captain Cadet
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Captain Cadet

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2653 on: May 11, 2013, 13:02:25 »

if apple made a car would windows be pre-installed  :doh:
so bad  :doh:
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Captain Cadet
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Rbsanford

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2654 on: May 11, 2013, 17:22:51 »

If Windows 8 was a car, than the largest control on the dashboard would be the left turn signal. :doh:
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Captain Cadet

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2655 on: May 11, 2013, 18:04:33 »

If Windows 8 was a car, than the largest control on the dashboard would be the left turn signal. :doh:
if linux had a zoo - would it be filled with penguins?
 
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Captain Cadet
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Rbsanford

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2656 on: May 11, 2013, 19:49:17 »

If Apple had a grocery store, it would be full of apples.

That was dumb. :doh:
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Captain Cadet

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2657 on: May 12, 2013, 09:18:05 »

If Apple had a grocery store, it would be full of apples.

That was dumb. :doh:
There is an apple shop here which doesn't sell apples but cider
Typical apple fan

Guy 1: Hey, how much did you pay for that mac?
Guy 2: $1500
Guy 1: So it must have a nVidia 8800 and like 4GB of RAM right?
GUy 2: No, onboard graphics and 1GB of RAM
Guy 1: So why was it so much?
Guy 2: The keyboard is nice
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Captain Cadet
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Rbsanford

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2658 on: May 12, 2013, 17:59:32 »

If Apple made pencils, they would be simple, white, rounded, packaged one per box, cost $1900, and require an internet connection.

And the funniest thing is is that everyone would want one. :doh:
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Captain Cadet

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2659 on: May 12, 2013, 19:38:29 »

If Apple made pencils, they would be simple, white, rounded, packaged one per box, cost $1900, and require an internet connection.

And the funniest thing is is that everyone would want one. :doh:
What did one computer say to the other?
010101101010101010101
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Captain Cadet
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Captain Cadet

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2660 on: May 21, 2013, 21:52:49 »

Ie for you
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Captain Cadet
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sydmichel

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2661 on: May 30, 2013, 19:43:49 »

There has been an increase of crime taking place in multistory car parks.  A spokesman for the police said that, "it is wrong, on so many levels".
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Rbsanford

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2662 on: July 01, 2013, 05:17:29 »

Why does lightning shock people?

Because it doesn't know how to conduct itself.
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sydmichel

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2663 on: August 16, 2013, 12:28:37 »

Fracking for gas

It is rumored that the technique of "Fracking" can cause earth tremors. Yesterday the British government has confirmed that it is true.

Whilst Fracking was taking place deep below the streets of LIVERPOOL England, the Hydraulic fracturing caused a major rupture and tremors were felt up to 50 miles away.  It has now been confirmed that the resultant earthquake has caused up to 300 Billion Pounds worth of improvements.   
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Rbsanford

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2664 on: August 27, 2013, 05:21:44 »

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a juggler performing in a busy city street among a large crowd. The performer fears that the group won't be able to see him, so he stands and a wooden box and asks, "Can you four see me?"

They reply one by one:
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Si."
"Ja."
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2665 on: August 27, 2013, 09:25:16 »

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a juggler performing in a busy city street among a large crowd. The performer fears that the group won't be able to see him, so he stands and a wooden box and asks, "Can you four see me?"

They reply one by one:
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Si."
"Ja."

I think something got lost in the translation?
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Dannypenguin

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2666 on: August 27, 2013, 10:07:07 »

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a juggler performing in a busy city street among a large crowd. The performer fears that the group won't be able to see him, so he stands and a wooden box and asks, "Can you four see me?"

They reply one by one:
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Si."
"Ja."

I like that! :D
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clanky

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2667 on: August 27, 2013, 14:10:21 »

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a juggler performing in a busy city street among a large crowd. The performer fears that the group won't be able to see him, so he stands and a wooden box and asks, "Can you four see me?"

They reply one by one:
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Si."
"Ja."

Very good :)
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Captain Cadet

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2668 on: August 28, 2013, 21:28:52 »

I think something got lost in the translation?
Your not the only one  :thumbs:
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Captain Cadet
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Captain Cadet

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2669 on: September 08, 2013, 23:09:22 »

Why Microsoft brought Nokia  :doh:
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Captain Cadet
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Rbsanford

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2670 on: September 09, 2013, 01:02:12 »

Is that really Bill Gates? He looks so old.
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2671 on: September 18, 2013, 17:51:27 »

Is that really Bill Gates? He looks so old.

He is!
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Dannypenguin

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2672 on: September 20, 2013, 20:34:28 »

 :D
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RupertSpicery

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2673 on: July 28, 2014, 07:41:34 »

Ole and Lena went to the same Lutheran Church. Lena went every Sunday and taught Sunday School.
Ole went on Christmas and Easter and once in a while, he went on one of the other Sundays.
On one of those Sundays, he was in the pew right behind Lena and he noticed vhat a fine looking woman she was.
Vhile dey were taking up the collection, Ole leaned forward and said, "Hey, Lena, how about you and me go to dinner in New Ulm next Friday?"
"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena.

Well, Ole couldn't believe his luck. All week long he polished up his old Ford, and on Friday he picked Lena up and took her to the finest restaurant in New Ulm. When they sat down, Ole looked over at Lena and said, "Hey, Lena, vould you like a cocktail before dinner?"
"Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?"

Vell, Ole was set back a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes manufactured by
ecigfiend. "Hey, Lena," said Ole, "vould you like a smoke?"
"Oh, no, Ole," said Lena. "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School class?"

Vell, Ole vas feeling pretty low after that, so he yust got in his Ford and vas driving Lena home ven dey passed the Hot Springs Motel.
He'd struck out twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose.
"Hey, Lena," said Ole, "how vould you like to stop at that motel with me?"
"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena.

Vell, Ole couldn't believe his luck. He did a U-turn right then and there across the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and checked in vith Lena.

The next morning Ole got up first. He looked at Lena lying there in the bed, her hair all spread out on her pillow. "Vat have I done? Vat have I done?" thought Ole.

He shook Lena and she woke up. "Lena, I've got to ask you von ting," said Ole. "Vat are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"

Lena said, "The same ting I alvays tell dem. You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time!"


Yes Lena is absolutely right..We don't need to follow our bad habit  in order to enjoy and relax..
« Last Edit: July 29, 2014, 09:06:41 by RupertSpicery »
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2674 on: July 28, 2014, 18:08:39 »

Doesn't that sound strange?
You know Cookies?
You know Bacon?
How come You have to COOK your Bacon and have to BAKE your Cookies?
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