Topic: Joke of the day (Read 807466 times)

dexter7 · « **Reply #2225 on:** December 10, 2011, 01:45:13 »

I'd be glad to call that flame... But it isn't.

VirtualSkipper · « **Reply #2226 on:** December 10, 2011, 01:51:57 »

Quote from: Rbsanford on December 10, 2011, 01:27:10

NOT FUNNY! ANOTHER DUMB JOKE LIKE THAT AND ILLE REPORT YOU!

nah, jk. i actually looked. but now i hate you.

Lovely. ^^

larsdehaan · « **Reply #2227 on:** December 10, 2011, 17:43:16 »

Oceana is out!!

dexter7 · « **Reply #2228 on:** December 10, 2011, 17:54:05 »

There's a warship out for SS!

Rbsanford · « **Reply #2229 on:** December 10, 2011, 19:17:13 »

you guys...

dexter7 · « **Reply #2230 on:** December 10, 2011, 23:45:52 »

You!

Nah that's rude.

Rbsanford · « **Reply #2231 on:** December 11, 2011, 00:29:32 »

those jokes arent funny!

its like saying "you just won $50,000,000,000!" and then you never get it.

dexter7 · « **Reply #2232 on:** December 11, 2011, 00:31:52 »

I'd like to win 50,000,000,000,000,000...
[50 Quadrillion dollars...]

Rbsanford · « **Reply #2233 on:** December 11, 2011, 00:33:03 »

ide like to win $50,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.01!

dexter7 · « **Reply #2234 on:** December 11, 2011, 00:56:29 »

Here's a really good joke: My laptop runs any game perfect!

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #2235 on:** December 11, 2011, 11:24:33 »

Children Are Quick _____________________________

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria

dexter7 · « **Reply #2236 on:** December 12, 2011, 19:41:44 »

Here's a sort of child's/dirty joke...
A guy goes to sears looking for a toilet: They only have three toilets in stock, A gold toilet, A solid rock toilet, and a singing toilet. The gold one costed too much, the rock one weighed too much, and the singing one didn't cost too much and wasn't too heavy but it sings.
He brings it home, the next day he comes back complaining that the toilet sings "Do you see what I see?"...

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #2237 on:** December 13, 2011, 14:29:19 »

Joke

Definition
[C] something, such as a funny story or trick, that is said or done in order to make people laugh.

The essence is that it is a story or sketch with a humorous climax.

So in many respects, Aad is actually correct.

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #2238 on:** December 16, 2011, 10:33:35 »

A multi-national company held a reception to celebrate Christmas. The waiter gave each guest a glass of champagne, but on inspection, each guest noticed that their glass contained a fly.

The Swede asked for new champagne in the same glass.
The Englishman demanded to have new champagne in a new glass.
The Finn picked out the fly out and drank the champagne.
The Russian drank the champagne, fly and all.
The Chinese ate the fly but left the champagne.
The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese.
The Italian drank two thirds of the champagne and then demanded to have a new glass.
The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish.
The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the champagne, which he then donated to the Englishman
The American sued the restaurant and claimed $50 million in compensation.
The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and shouted, 'Now spit out all that you swallowed.'

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #2239 on:** December 17, 2011, 03:06:54 »

And the Frenchman who just said "it was all Britains fault that there were only 26 flies and not 27"
And the German said "the fly is still an importan partner in all european fly affairs"
The Czech said he wasn't actually sure "if the fly was in or out of the champagne"
The Swede said that he'd "agree with his Czech friend, but would have to put it to his parliament to decide whether or not the fly should be in or shouldn't."
The Dane said that "the fly wasn't in his champagne at the moment- but is still aiming to have a fly in his champagne from 2015"
The Iranian said that "yes, I do have a fly- but it is only for peaceful purposes"
The Argentinian said "I claim that fly as part of our sovereign territory"
The American said "lets kill the fly in case it's an al quada operative"
The Greek said "it's not fair. Our fly isn't as big as the Germans fly"

Firestar · « **Reply #2240 on:** December 17, 2011, 04:59:05 »

Quote

The Greek said "it's not fair. Our fly isn't as big as the Germans fly"

Due to lack of funding, I imagine.

Gab · « **Reply #2241 on:** December 17, 2011, 05:07:55 »

CaptainMike1 and Stuart2007, I would really like to know what you think of the canadians

capt. jack richson · « **Reply #2242 on:** December 17, 2011, 11:15:31 »

Quote from: Stuart2007 on December 17, 2011, 03:06:54

The Iranian said that "yes, I do have a fly- but it is only for peaceful purposes"

lmao true

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #2243 on:** December 19, 2011, 18:41:06 »

Quote from: Gab on December 17, 2011, 05:07:55

CaptainMike1 and Stuart2007, I would really like to know what you think of the canadians

Very sensible as they kept out of this argument!!

Gab · « **Reply #2244 on:** December 19, 2011, 20:51:57 »

Eheh

Good one!

danny · « **Reply #2245 on:** December 19, 2011, 23:19:05 »

"I knew kim jung was going to die, after all, he was Ill"

Firestar · « **Reply #2246 on:** December 20, 2011, 02:26:22 »

Good news: Kim's dead.

Bad news: It's not one of the Kardashians.

VirtualSkipper · « **Reply #2247 on:** December 20, 2011, 07:16:13 »

Quote from: Gab on December 17, 2011, 05:07:55

CaptainMike1 and Stuart2007, I would really like to know what you think of the canadians

....and what about the Dutch?

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #2248 on:** December 20, 2011, 10:58:35 »

Quote from: VirtualSkipper on December 20, 2011, 07:16:13

....and what about the Dutch?

They are too sensible with their money!

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #2249 on:** December 20, 2011, 10:58:48 »

'Big Jimmy, an extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.

With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

Shortly there after he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away.

So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, 'They're lookin' to get married,so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want.'

Jimmy dated the first daughter.
The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion.

'Well,' said Jimmy, 'she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed.'

The farmer nodded and suggested Jimmy date one of the other girls; so Jimmy went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.

'Well,'Jimmy replied, 'she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell....cross-eyed.'

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning Jimmy rushed in exclaiming,'She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry'

So they were wed right away

..Months later the bairn wuz born.

When Jimmy visited the nursery he was horrified: the bairn was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

'Well,' explained the farmer, 'She was just a weeeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell...Pregnant when you met her.'

Author Topic: Joke of the day (Read 807466 times)

larsdehaan

capt. jack richson