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Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 807471 times)

Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2125 on: October 30, 2011, 20:36:57 »

Resignation  Letter

Dear Boss:
I'm resigning effective  immediately!
The reason for my resignation is that I cleaned my aunt's garage this morning before coming to work.
Then I realized I don't  feel like working anymore..
See Picture why
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danny

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2126 on: October 30, 2011, 20:42:03 »

If only, If only....
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VirtualSkipper

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2127 on: October 30, 2011, 22:46:32 »

Would it be lots of trouble if I took one stack of the green ones...?
You have so many of them.  :o
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Rbsanford

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2128 on: October 30, 2011, 23:20:45 »

would it be trouble if i took all the green ones? ;D
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Stuart2007

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2129 on: October 31, 2011, 13:35:39 »

Money doesn't buy you happiness you know...

It only buys you fast cars, racing yachts, holiday homes in the Alps, shares in race horses, fine Cognac...

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vin_sun

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2130 on: October 31, 2011, 14:16:33 »

Resignation  Letter
See Picture why

Ah ..... so that's what a bed of roses look like ....
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2131 on: October 31, 2011, 15:18:34 »

Gentlemen,
Reply 2126 - 2130  are no Jokes, just remars to the joke on reply 2125.
So, can we all stay On-Topic?!
Tnx a Lot
Aad   :police:
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Stuart2007

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2132 on: October 31, 2011, 16:02:29 »

Gentlemen,
Reply 2126 - 2130  are no Jokes, just remars to the joke on reply 2125.
So, can we all stay On-Topic?!
Tnx a Lot
Aad   :police:

Aad,
Reply 2131 is not a joke, just remarks to reply 2126-2130.
So, can you stay on-topic?!
Thanks a lot.
 :evil:
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danny

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2133 on: October 31, 2011, 16:17:43 »

Aad and stuart
Replies 2131 and 2130 are not related to the topic,
So, can we all stay ontopic?
Thanks!  :doh:

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Rbsanford

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2134 on: October 31, 2011, 18:46:21 »

wat if u throw crocodile food at the crocodiles? do u hav to retrieve it then? :doh:
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vin_sun

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2135 on: October 31, 2011, 19:00:00 »

Reply 2126 - 2130  are no Jokes

OK, OK .....  :doh: Back on to the topic ....


If tin whistles are made out of tin, what are fog horns made of?

Why don't they call the head a butt and a cigarette a head, since that's closer to the true meaning?

If a cruise ship has a part time band conductor aboard, does that mean he's a semi-conductor?

If swimming is good for your shape, then why do whales look that way?

If white wine goes with fish, shouldn't white grapes go with sushi?

Some Navy rockets go into space, which we all know is a big vacuum. So tell me, who changes the bag? Speaking of space, if athletes get athlete's foot does that mean astronauts get mistletoe?

Why is it called a lighthouse when it weighs so much?

Ship's windows are called "port holes", but they are found on both sides?

Captains of ships have a lot of latitude.

Sea captains can be port-ly.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Sunglasses for sailors had better be seeworthy.

Sailors like to seas opportunities.

A pirate wrote his wooden leg into his will as a leg-acy.

A guy who crosses the ocean twice without a shower is a dirty double crosser.

A sailor eating alphabet soup found the seven C's.

A sailor has ties to home but is knot there often.

Sailors often come from have-knot countries.

I was going to go sailing and went shopping for a hat but started to reconsider when they gave me a stern look
and asked for my capsize.

When the spice ships used to bring goods to the king, the captain was peppered with compliments.

Is a leak in the back of a boat a stern warning?

Two sailors named Brad Stowe and Ben Lowe had to B.stow their things B.low.

If two people invest in a boat, it's a partner-ship.

A guy who inherited two yachts had a paradox.

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Rbsanford

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2136 on: October 31, 2011, 21:19:57 »

good ones. i wish that last one would happen to me.


so this guy is in a bar, drinking a beer, when the piano-players monkey jumped on the counter and peed in the guys' beer. he goes over to the piano player and says, "do you know that your monkey peed in my beer?" and the piano player says, "no, but if you hum it i can play it."

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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2137 on: November 03, 2011, 10:43:22 »

Aad,
Reply 2131 is not a joke, just remarks to reply 2126-2130.
So, can you stay on-topic?!
Thanks a lot.
 :evil:

If I delete one of my earlier jokes then the post numbers will change and you'll all be wrong, now that is a JOKE!
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VirtualSkipper

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2138 on: November 03, 2011, 10:57:16 »

Money doesn't buy you happiness you know...



Well, do debts make you happy, Stuart?
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Ralphy

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2139 on: November 03, 2011, 11:57:15 »

As we're talking money...

Two women were walking through the woods when they hear a voice from under a log. Investigating, the women discovered the voice was coming from a frog.
 
Help me ladies!! I am an investment banker who, through an evils witch's curse has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me i will return to my former state.
 
The first woman grabbed the frog and put it in her handbag. The second woman, aghast, screamed, "Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into an investment banker?"
 
The second woman replied, "Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than an investment banker!"
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Stuart2007

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2140 on: November 03, 2011, 14:12:59 »

Well, do debts make you happy, Stuart?

Well yes. As long as they aren't mine.
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2141 on: November 04, 2011, 16:00:56 »

Laughter is the best Tonic for Mental Health !

One day, a baby chimp asked his momma: "Mommy, why are we so funny looking?"
His mother smiled and told him: "You ought to be grateful that we are the way we are. You should see the people that are reading this joke right now!"
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Rbsanford

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2142 on: November 04, 2011, 18:58:34 »

a guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey and the bartender says, "sir, we don't allow pets" so the guy puts on some shades and says how the monkey is a boy that helps him see. bartender says "all i see is a monkey" guy says, "they gave me a monkey?"
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2143 on: November 08, 2011, 10:37:30 »

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love.

 

One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
 
Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
 
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10, where will you two live?"
 
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit in there nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."
 
Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine."
 
Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this.
 
"Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question.

 

What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?"
 
Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."
 
Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little chap is adorable.

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Rbsanford

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2144 on: November 08, 2011, 16:48:43 »

lol  :doh:

smart kid
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2145 on: November 09, 2011, 23:38:23 »

PUBLIC NOTICE !!

Due to the recent Budget-Cuts, the rising Cost of Electricity, Gas and Oil, plus the current State of the Economy, the Light at the End of the Tunnel

HAS BEEN TURNED OFF !!
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Rbsanford

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2146 on: November 10, 2011, 00:03:40 »

hey aad, i thot ide check wit u first, but do u accept "yo mama" jokes?

because i thot someones mom wood really be "that fat" or "that poor".
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dexter7

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2147 on: November 10, 2011, 00:45:14 »

Those aren't really nice... But still we fool around making up jokes like that...
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2148 on: November 10, 2011, 15:37:29 »

hey aad, i thot ide check wit u first, but do u accept "yo mama" jokes?

because i thot someones mom wood really be "that fat" or "that poor".

As long as a moderator let pass jokes about Irish, Polish and whatever other nationalities, I'm not the person to judge about poor, fat or whatsoever people.
In my opinion those jokes are allowed as long as they do not humilate and/or offend those people. But, as I stated earlier, who am I to judge subjects out of the box of the "Rules" .
Kind Regards
Aad

I know this is not a joke, but it is funny and cute at the same time. And due to the fact that the proper Thread is more than a Year old, I'll place it here.
Just click on the word DOG
« Last Edit: November 10, 2011, 15:49:10 by Aad The Pirate »
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Rbsanford

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2149 on: November 10, 2011, 16:58:12 »

okay good. just thot ide check with aad first. ;)

yo mama so fat, wen she goes to the movie theater, she sits next to everybody. :doh:

yo mama so fat, the national weather service has categorized all of her farts. :doh: :doh:

yo mama so ugly, wen she was born, the doctor slapped yo grandma. :doh: :doh: :doh:
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