Topic: Joke of the day (Read 807494 times)

saltydog · « **Reply #1950 on:** August 30, 2011, 18:53:59 »

Hide him during a war

It was about a month ago when a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so went to his priest:

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic."

"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."

"But I made him agree to pay me 20 Gulden for every week he stayed."

"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."

"Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."

"What is that, my son?"

"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"

IRI5HJ4CK · « **Reply #1951 on:** August 30, 2011, 19:02:16 »

Vladimir the Immigrant arrives at Dover Docks, wanting to work in the UK, suddenly out of nowhere a fairy appears

"Distant traveller, I shall grant you three wishes, what is your first wish?"

Vladimir doesn't hesitate and says "I'm Starving, please, food!"

POW, a huge banquet appears before his eyes

"Your second wish?"

Vladimir gives it some thought "Hmm, I would like a big house to live in"

POW, a massive mansion with a long driveway, gardens and lamborghini appear

"And you final wish?"

Vladimir gives it some more thought before his face lightens up with glee

"I Want to be a proper British citizen!" Vladimir cries with glee

POW...The Banquet and Mansion dissapear

"WHAT?!" Vladimir demands

"You wanted to be British? You get sod all, good day"

saltydog · « **Reply #1952 on:** September 01, 2011, 14:12:26 »

After reconsideration I have removed the joke. Though funny, it was a bit spicy..

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1953 on:** September 01, 2011, 19:57:55 »

Ahoy Saltyudog,
Tnx for keeping this Topic childfriendly. And indeed, Your joke was funny, but "on the Edge".
Kind Regards
Aad

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #1954 on:** September 02, 2011, 12:44:20 »

Quote from: saltydog on September 01, 2011, 14:12:26

After reconsideration I have removed the joke. Though funny, it was a bit spicy..

Maybe you should get Bullet and WM to remove your jokle too, which they have quoted?

IRI5HJ4CK · « **Reply #1955 on:** September 02, 2011, 13:21:46 »

Irish Logic:

Why do scuba-divers fall backwards off the boat?

Because if they fell forwards they'd fall back into the boat.

Rbsanford · « **Reply #1956 on:** September 02, 2011, 23:20:33 »

when you drop a sorcerer's stone, you should be careful of which chamber of secrets you put it in or your prisoner of azkaban will feel like a goblet of fire or your order of the pheonix will feel like a half-blood prince and youlle wish you were in the deathly hollows.

VirtualSkipper · « **Reply #1957 on:** September 03, 2011, 15:51:31 »

Quote from: IRI5HJ4CK on September 02, 2011, 13:21:46

Irish Logic:

Why do scuba-divers fall backwards off the boat?

Because if they fell forwards they'd fall back into the boat.

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1958 on:** September 03, 2011, 19:58:30 »

Why are the Youngsters nowadays so badly behaving?

The fault lies in the Fairy Tales they were told when they were Kids!

Tarzan is always almost naked.

Cinderella stays outdoor till after Midnight.

Pinokkio only lies and swindles.

Alladin is the King of Thieves.

Batman always drives at 220 m/h .

Little Red Riding Hood never listens to her Mother.

And Hans and Gretle are eating from other peoples houses!

Not so strange that those Youngster are so anti social!

Captain Cadet · « **Reply #1959 on:** September 03, 2011, 20:54:58 »

year 7 check list
wind up 6 formers
run away QUICK!!!!
try to show there boss
miss detention
show off to the older girls/boys
get chased by there boy/girlfreinds
blow up the lab.
damage the tec rooms
dont put any homework in your diary
start a food fight and get the older kids in troble
get the whole school on there nerves

seams like this in my school

Ralphy · « **Reply #1960 on:** September 03, 2011, 20:57:37 »

Oh and Aad Goldielock's breaks into people's house's, steals their food and breaks their furniture

CC isn't that meant for the school topic?

saltydog · « **Reply #1961 on:** September 03, 2011, 21:01:05 »

Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry we have three engines left".

Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we have two engines left".

An hour later the capain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left".

One blonde looked at the other blonde and said "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day"

Rbsanford · « **Reply #1962 on:** September 03, 2011, 22:04:43 »

three blondes were walking in the woods when they came across some tracks.

the first blonde said, "those are deer tracks."

the second blonde says, "no way, those are elk tracks."

the third blonde says, "you're both wrong, those are definetly moose tracks."

as they were still arguing, the train hit them.

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1963 on:** September 03, 2011, 22:11:34 »

OUCH

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #1964 on:** September 04, 2011, 09:40:16 »

Quote from: Ralphy on September 03, 2011, 20:57:37

Oh and Aad Goldielock's breaks into people's house's, steals their food and breaks their furniture

CC isn't that meant for the school topic?

Don't forget that snow white was living with seven dodgy geezers that she didn't really know...

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #1965 on:** September 04, 2011, 16:48:47 »

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #1966 on:** September 04, 2011, 16:49:38 »

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the Salt! USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1967 on:** September 04, 2011, 17:12:48 »

The M O A J
CaptainMike1's Sig

saltydog · « **Reply #1968 on:** September 04, 2011, 17:15:04 »

What about yours..? Doesn't look like Rotterdam to me..

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1969 on:** September 04, 2011, 17:16:54 »

Pirates, my friend, are never at home. And for sure never in their hometown

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #1970 on:** September 04, 2011, 17:20:14 »

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1971 on:** September 04, 2011, 17:28:23 »

Quote from: CaptainMike1 on September 04, 2011, 17:20:14

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

That isn't a joke, it's the sad truth

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #1972 on:** September 04, 2011, 17:32:43 »

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years

Wave Music · « **Reply #1973 on:** September 04, 2011, 17:57:52 »

Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."

larsdehaan · « **Reply #1974 on:** September 05, 2011, 13:30:05 »

the CCC vessels are out

Author Topic: Joke of the day (Read 807494 times)

larsdehaan