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Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 807404 times)

Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1450 on: December 01, 2009, 23:53:16 »

The Pringle tube? I see it??
And so I do now. ;D
I'll try to restore all other pic's I still pocess, For all the others I'll have to find replacements :evil:
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eviss

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1451 on: December 01, 2009, 23:53:22 »

The Pringle tube? I see it??

As i said before, thanks,

vr. gr. / kind regards, Erik
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THX SF!
Redfox
"Dover-Calais in the same environement !"

Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1452 on: December 02, 2009, 19:03:27 »

Problem No. 10
You've got some dents on your car but don't want to spend to much money?
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Master Captain

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1453 on: December 02, 2009, 22:59:47 »

buying and setting up your own computer is no more difficult than building a nuclear reactor from watch parts in the dark using only your teeth.
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1454 on: December 02, 2009, 23:48:53 »

Problem No. 11
When you're short of furniture
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1455 on: December 03, 2009, 00:15:28 »

I thought that Mark had managed to lose all those photos?

 :evil: :evil:
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1456 on: December 03, 2009, 14:23:50 »

A man owned a small farm in South Carolina.  The South Carolina Wage & Hours Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them", demanded the Agent.

"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years.  I pay him $400.00 a week plus free room and board.  The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $300.00 per week plus free room and board.  There's the half-wit.  He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.  He makes about $10.00 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bourbon every Saturday night."

"That's the guy I want to talk to.....the half-wit", says the Agent.

"That would be me", replied the farmer.
« Last Edit: December 03, 2009, 14:26:27 by CaptainMike1 »
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1457 on: December 03, 2009, 15:31:30 »

Problem No. 12
It happens to everyone now and then.
You seriously overload the door of your fridge.
Hail to the inventor of Ducktape
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1458 on: December 06, 2009, 18:46:03 »

Problem No. 13
If you wonder how it comes that your gas-tank is empty so soon ......
Maybe you didn't lock up the tankopening?
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1459 on: December 06, 2009, 20:56:12 »

Do You believe in Reincarnation?
Untill today I didn't, but this picture changed my mind

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Ralphy

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1460 on: December 06, 2009, 21:04:13 »



;D
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1461 on: December 09, 2009, 21:47:55 »

Problem No. 14
My kitchen zink wasn't mounted solid. So I fixed it in an unusual way.
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1462 on: December 10, 2009, 10:45:41 »

A Platoon was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi insurgent, badly injured and unconscious.
On the opposite side of the road was a British soldier in a similar but less serious state. The soldier was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the platoon commander asked the injured soldier what had happened.
The soldier reported, "I was moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.
I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved, and he yelled back that Gordon Brown is a fat, good-for-nothing, left wing half-blind Jock, and Lord Mandelson is a cross-dressing power mad idiot.
So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian.
He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Harriet Harman!"
"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a bus hit us."
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Stuart2007

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1463 on: December 10, 2009, 16:22:54 »

 ;D

Mike, I know that might be in really bad taste, considering death tolls... but I bet the average serving squaddie would laugh at that.

Every successful joke has an element of truth in it...

I vote that the best joke so far...
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McGherkin

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1464 on: December 10, 2009, 19:18:54 »

How do you get an Elephant in a car?
Open the door, insert elephant, close door.

How do you get a Giraffe in a fridge?
open the door, insert giraffe, close door

How do you get an Elephant in a fridge?
open car door, remove elephant, close car door. Open fridge door, remove giraffe, move bottle of milk to shelf on fridge door, insert elephant, close fridge door.

There is a conferance with all the animals in the world attending, except one. which one is missing?
the Elephant, it's still in the fridge.

How do you fit all the animals in the world into a fridge?
get a bigger fridge.
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Stuart2007

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1465 on: December 10, 2009, 21:48:01 »

McG,

I think maybe you have misunderstood the word 'joke'.
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1466 on: December 11, 2009, 10:34:17 »

How do you get an Elephant in a car?
Open the door, insert elephant, close door.

How do you get a Giraffe in a fridge?
open the door, insert giraffe, close door

How do you get an Elephant in a fridge?
open car door, remove elephant, close car door. Open fridge door, remove giraffe, move bottle of milk to shelf on fridge door, insert elephant, close fridge door.

There is a conferance with all the animals in the world attending, except one. which one is missing?
the Elephant, it's still in the fridge.

How do you fit all the animals in the world into a fridge?
get a bigger fridge.

Maybe this should be moved to Technical Support?
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1467 on: December 11, 2009, 13:04:59 »

Alex Ferguson flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play football. He is suitably impressed and arranges for him to join the squad at Old Trafford..


Two weeks later Man U are 4-0 down at Chelsea with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 goals and wins the game for Man U.


The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When the player comes off the pitch, he phones his Mum to tell her about his first day in English football.


'Hello Mum, guess what?' he says (in an Iraqi accent). 'I played for 20 minutes today. We were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media - they all love me.


'Wonderful,' says his Mum, 'Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time.'


The young lad is very upset, 'What can I say Mum, but I'm so sorry.'


'Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!' says his Mum, 'It's your bloody fault we moved to Manchester in the first place!'

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Stuart2007

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1468 on: December 11, 2009, 14:16:16 »

Maybe this should be moved to Technical Support?
At the risk of offending, or going too far O/T... I have a better idea of where to move it to  :evil:
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1469 on: December 11, 2009, 18:20:55 »

Problem No. 14b

Still waiting for the plumber who delivers the bathroom washstand.
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1470 on: December 11, 2009, 18:24:43 »

Problem No. 14b

Still waiting for the plumber who delivers the bathroom washstand.

Did you drop your teeth in it?

 ;D ;D ;D
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McGherkin

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1471 on: December 11, 2009, 18:38:56 »

At the risk of offending, or going too far O/T... I have a better idea of where to move it to  :evil:

The Bin?
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1472 on: December 11, 2009, 20:15:17 »

Problem No. 15

In case someone stole your rearwheel, and you don't have a spare one ...................................
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steveboston

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1473 on: December 11, 2009, 21:20:52 »

An old sea-dog is walking along the dockside one evening admiring the stars and the harbour lights. A lady of the night (dressed in a very short skirt and high heeled boots) approaches him.

'Hello Dearie - would you like some super sex?' she says. He thinks for a moment.

'That's very nice of you - but at my age I had better just take the soup thanks'
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Somewhere over the rainbow,
weigh a pie.

Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1474 on: December 11, 2009, 22:26:50 »

Huts Galore



A sailor was marooned on a deserted island for 20 years.

He was finally rescued by a merchant marine ship. As the sailor was packing his meager belongings the captain of the ship asked, "I noticed you have built four huts. You are the only person on the island. What are they for?"

"Well", said the sailor, "this one is my residence, the second is my church and that third is my micro brewery where I make coconut beer."

"That's very interesting", said the captain, " but, what about the fourth hut?" Oh", said the sailor, "That's the church I belonged to before I started drinking Coconut Beer."
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