Topic: Joke of the day (Read 806192 times)

Who is Yourr favorite Joke of the Week Poster?
How it works:
Don't look for the answers yet. If you do, there's no fun at it.
If needed take a pen and paper or a calculator.

1) take a number between 1 and 9

2) multiply that number by 3

3) add 3 and multiply by 3 again (take a calculator if needed)

4) if all went well you got a two digit number

5) add those two numbers

Now scroll for the answers.

You've found your favorite Joke of the Day Poster behind the number you just calculated.

1 CaptainMike1

2 bsm 2003

3 TJK

4 IRI5HJ4CK

5 thassos

6 TerryRussell

7 Mad_Fred

8 saltydog

9 Aad The Pirate (You know it's true, so don''t fiddle with the numbers)

10 ABCRic

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #1280 on:** September 02, 2009, 23:27:20 »

Quote from: Mad_Fred on August 31, 2009, 23:43:30

Seriously Stu, I do also edit self censored stuff. Cause if you have to censor it, it's allready known to you that you are going to post something that's not fit for 7 year olds. It's the intention, more than the actual word. Abbreviations and such I regard in a similar fashion.

Apologies Fred. I wasn't aware of this. Now I am.

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #1281 on:** September 02, 2009, 23:39:10 »

Quote from: Wave Music on August 31, 2009, 23:57:37

Congratulations & welcome on my side, Fred!

I don't think he's on your side. He's not on my side. He's just being a moderator. Now lets just drop this like others have suggester, yes?

Sorry all. I wouldn't make that a public comment, but I can't seem to send PMs to this 'gentleman'.

Now, drop it and get back on topic. Ta.

Mad_Fred · « **Reply #1282 on:** September 02, 2009, 23:59:02 »

Quote from: Stuart2007 on September 02, 2009, 23:27:20

Apologies Fred. I wasn't aware of this. Now I am.

No harm done, Stu!!

There's indeed no 'sides' to it, either. Just trying to keep it all suited for all ages.

Fred

Capt. Matt · « **Reply #1283 on:** September 03, 2009, 11:27:51 »

Quote from: Aad The Pirate on September 02, 2009, 23:25:35

Who is Yourr favorite Joke of the Week Poster?
How it works:
Don't look for the answers yet. If you do, there's no fun at it.
If needed take a pen and paper or a calculator.

1) take a number between 1 and 9

2) multiply that number by 3

3) add 3 and multiply by 3 again (take a calculator if needed)

4) if all went well you got a two digit number

5) add those two numbers

Now scroll for the answers.

You've found your favorite Joke of the Day Poster behind the number you just calculated.

1 CaptainMike1

2 bsm 2003

3 TJK

4 IRI5HJ4CK

5 thassos

6 TerryRussell

7 Mad_Fred

8 saltydog

9 Aad The Pirate (You know it's true, so don''t fiddle with the numbers)

10 ABCRic

Ohhhhhhhhhh Aad

saltydog · « **Reply #1284 on:** September 03, 2009, 14:47:22 »

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1285 on:** September 03, 2009, 15:08:40 »

Quote from: saltydog on September 03, 2009, 14:47:22

That's one of the funniest cartoons I've seen lately

My Fellow Boaters !!

A charter sailing vessel with a load of politicians was halfway to the Bahamas when a freak storm hit the boat. Several of the passengers were thrown overboard and drowned. After the retrieval of the bodies and with the knowledge that the rest of them may not be rescued for some time, if ever, the deceased were buried at sea.

Three days later, the local Coast Guard found the damaged craft. Upon boarding, the Coast Guard Captain asked: "Is everyone okay?" The Captain of the damaged vessel explained that he had a few passengers fall overboard.

The Coast Guard Captain asked: "Are they all dead?"

The other captain replied: "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how those politicians lie."

Cat320DL · « **Reply #1286 on:** September 03, 2009, 16:00:32 »

hahahaha

saltydog · « **Reply #1287 on:** September 03, 2009, 16:47:33 »

enough with the capn_cal puns..

Wave Music · « **Reply #1288 on:** September 03, 2009, 16:59:58 »

Quote from: CaptainMike1 on September 03, 2009, 16:06:00

Any thoughts on whether capn_cal will get this one??

I don't think capn_cal does politics, hence he probably won't get that joke.

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1289 on:** September 03, 2009, 17:03:33 »

Quote from: saltydog on September 03, 2009, 16:47:33

enough with the capn_cal puns..

I couldn't agree more. Enough is enough, so let's use this topic where it's intended for:
Jokes, Jokes, and nothing else.

Captain to Captain !

The captain of the fishing vessel "Mistress" had a long-standing rivalry with his counterpart Captain of the "Maiden Mist".

After a near collision racing back to port one day, the Captain of the Mistress berated the Maiden Mist Captain on the dock in front of the both crews and all those passing by.

"You're and idiot!" Yelled the Captain. "You were always an idiot. You'll always be an idiot!"

The crew members stood in amazement at what they were seeing and hearing.

The Captain continued: "If they had an idiot contest you would come in second place."

At this the Captain of the Maiden Mist saw an opportunity to gain the upper hand.

"You're so stupid you can't even insult me without messing up." Laughing and looking around at the crewmen he continued: "You should have said, if they had an idiot contest I would come in first place."

"What I said is what I meant, you would come in second place."

More than a little bemused the Maiden Mist Captain asked: "Why second Place?"

"I told you; because, you're an idiot!"

Cat320DL · « **Reply #1290 on:** September 03, 2009, 17:08:44 »

that a good one.

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #1291 on:** September 08, 2009, 00:26:02 »

Quote from: Wave Music on September 03, 2009, 00:04:08

No wonder, it turns out that Aad is indeed a great poster of jokes.

A special thanks to TJK for the great idea.

Can you not just drop this now? You do your thing and I will do mine. It is not fair to make other people read these exchanges. If you make any more such comments publically, I shall just report them as spam.

Wave Music · « **Reply #1292 on:** September 08, 2009, 00:30:14 »

Quote from: Stuart2007 on September 08, 2009, 00:26:02

Can you not just drop this now?

It was dropped many days ago - 3.09. I wonder why you're still raising it? Or it's just because you don't want others to have the last word on you, like you're usually saying?

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1293 on:** September 08, 2009, 09:05:02 »

Jokes, Gentleman. Jokes, please.

Smell That?

After a very sucessful fishing trip, a huge shipment of sardines was warehoused. Because the warehouse bill wasn't paid, the warehouse owner sold the sardines to a friend. As word came out that the price of fish was about to skyrocket, the warehouse owner, correcting his mistake, bought back the sardines at a higher price. This began an endless round of buying and selling, with the price going higher and higher. After the tenth transaction between the two men, the friend thought it might be a good idea to sample the merchandise and see what they had.

A can was opened. The sardines were dreadful-bony, skimpy, and drenched in an acrid oil. The friend, upset, told the warehouse owner, who responded: "Look, these sardines aren't for eating. They're for buying and selling! "

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #1294 on:** September 08, 2009, 10:16:37 »

Siamese twins walk into a pub in Ontario and park themselves on a bar
stool.

One of them says to the landlord: 'Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip.
I'm John, he's Jim.
"Two Molson Canadian draft beers please.

The landlord, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation
while pouring the beers.
"Been on holiday yet, lads?
"Off to England next month, says John. "We go to England every year and
hire a car and drive for miles, don't we, Jim?'
Jim agrees.

"Ah, England! says the landlord. 'Wonderful country... the history, the
beer, the culture...'

"Nah, we don't like all that British stuff,' says John. "Hamburgers &
Molsons draft beer, that's us, eh Jim? "We can't stand the English!'

"So why keep going to England ?' asks the landlord.

"It's the only chance Jim gets to drive...

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1295 on:** September 08, 2009, 16:49:29 »

ROFLOL

Get Ready, Fire, Aim !!

"Foghorn blaring, the Coast Guard Cutter YOCONA inched its way through a dense fog on a Search and Rescue mission. With the aid of radar and extra lookouts in the bow, we picked our way through a fleet of small fishing boats that straddled our quarry- a becalmed 28-foot yawl whose auxiliary engine refused to start.

Suddenly the crack of a rifle being fired in slow cadence broke the silence and small geysers began erupting just off our bow. We immediately recalled our lookouts to the safety of the wheelhouse and shortly thereafter took the disabled craft in tow.

Later, when I boarded the boat to inspect for safety equipment and collect information for a report, I saw a .30 caliber Springfield rifle in the cockpit and asked the woman I was interviewing if it had been fired.
She said her husband had fired it to attract attention when he heard the foghorn. Then she added: "I wanted to fire it too, but he wouldn't let me". He said: "You have to aim it just right so you can fire it at the sound without hitting anyone".

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #1296 on:** September 12, 2009, 13:31:52 »

African Road Sign!

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1297 on:** September 12, 2009, 16:14:53 »

Earning Your Place !!

The Anchorage Alaska fishing boat crew decided they were going to have some fun with the new rookie crew member so they came up with a three-step initiation.

Anxious to become one of the guys the rookie asked what he'd have to do.
"Three things," he was told.
1st: You've got to drink a quart of straight whiskey.
2nd: Hug an Eskimo girl for three hours without her parents catching you.
3rd: Shoot a full-grown grizzly bear.

The new crewmate immediately downed the whiskey and set out into the cold night with a wild look in his eyes.

Three hours later he was back, his clothes torn and scratches all over his body. "Okay, okay!" he reported. "Where's that Eskimo girl I'm supposed to shoot?"

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #1298 on:** September 12, 2009, 16:30:02 »

While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, 'I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in a stroller too.'

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1299 on:** September 12, 2009, 21:11:00 »

And You Are ?

Returning from a trip overseas on a giant ocean liner, Markowitz was placed at a table with another man. The man, a Frenchman, nodded and said: "Bon appetit." Markowitz nodded back and said: "Markowitz"

For several days the ritual was repeated. One afternoon, Markowitz mentioned it to another passenger. The other passenger said: "It's not what you think. 'Bon appetit' is the French way of telling you to enjoy your meal.'

At dinner that evening, Markowitz came in, nodded, and said: "Bon appetit." The Frenchman rose and answered: "Markowitzi"

Author Topic: Joke of the day (Read 806192 times)