Topic: Joke of the day (Read 839733 times)

The Ferry Man · « **Reply #1250 on:** August 27, 2009, 21:39:27 »

Quote from: capn_cal on August 27, 2009, 21:29:24

is the game suppose to mean it's hard or impossible?

I think it is suppose to be impossible

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1251 on:** August 27, 2009, 22:50:14 »

Everything I Need to Know About Life,
I Learned from Noah's Ark

One: Don't miss the boat.

Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.

Three: Plan ahead. ! It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

Five: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

Six: Build your future on high ground.

Seven: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

Eight: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were onboard with the cheetahs.

Nine: When you're stressed, float a while.

Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #1252 on:** August 29, 2009, 16:58:59 »

Quote from: Wave Music on August 26, 2009, 23:26:23

A good joke is still funny even after several repeatings.

And a BAD one is still not funny before being repeated...

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1253 on:** August 29, 2009, 17:13:34 »

Practice Makes Perfect !

At dinner during the cruise a man who had earned his reputation among the crew as an obnoxious snob was being served by a waiter named Paul.
Unfortunately, Paul managed to splash some wine on the table.

The man stood, faced the waiter and shouted: "You're not fit to serve a pig!"

Paul , giving into temptation responded: "You're absolutely right sir and I do apologies.
I'm in "Pig Serving Training" and in that regard, you're really helping me improve my skills."

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #1254 on:** August 29, 2009, 17:16:04 »

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Walmart but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a passing assistant, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The assistant replied, " I'm afraid not, they're dead."

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1255 on:** August 30, 2009, 16:05:32 »

I Did What ?!!

Two sailors after a wild night found that there was some disagreement as to the actual events.

To settle the argument and the wager that ensued, they searched out the only convent in town.

Upon their arrival, they asked the Mother Superior if the convent had any midget nuns.

Shocked the Mother Superior suggested that they return directly to their ship for none of her sister nuns were midgets and she found no humor in their question.

Leaving the convent one sailor exclaimed to his smirking friend: "I can't believe it. Did I spent the whole night dancing with a penguin?!"

siso7 · « **Reply #1256 on:** August 30, 2009, 21:50:48 »

The only tool you'll ever need

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1257 on:** August 30, 2009, 23:07:21 »

Unintended Results

"So, what's the matter? I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband."

"Oh, everything went wrong: First he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon. All that might have been all right; but then, to make matters worse, I ended up catching the most fish!"

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #1258 on:** August 31, 2009, 22:01:10 »

WHOLE POINTLESS POST REMOVED.

Just because its Fred, doesn't mean I'll let ANY moderator have the last word on ME!!

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1259 on:** August 31, 2009, 22:46:17 »

I assume that those asterixes (*) are in place of "not suitable for 7 years old child words"?
Right?
Well, this is a thread also read by kids. So, I assume that Your version is the "adult" one.

Anyhow, this one is:

Buyer Beware

A tourist stopped off in a small New England fishing village.
At a roadside stand he looked over some lobsters for sale.
He said to the stand owner: "They are very small."
The stand owner said: "I guess"
However, the man's appetite got the better if him, he ordered two lobsters and had them boiled in the cauldron in the stand.
As he started to eat them, the tourist said: "These lobsters are tasteless!"
The stand owner responded: "Good thing they're small."

Wave Music · « **Reply #1260 on:** August 31, 2009, 22:49:57 »

Quote from: Aad The Pirate on August 31, 2009, 22:46:17

I assume that those asterixes (*) are in place of "not suitable for 7 years old child words"?
Right?
Well, this is a thread also read by kids. So, I assume that Your version is the "adult" one.

Interesting that when someone puts *** in their post - all mods like wolves are rushing to that topic & giving a warning, etc. When Stu puts *** in his posts (which he's doing that quite frequently now) - all mods are silent.

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #1261 on:** August 31, 2009, 23:15:33 »

Quote from: Wave Music on August 31, 2009, 22:49:57

Interesting that when someone puts *** in their post - all mods like wolves are rushing to that topic & giving a warning, etc. When Stu puts *** in his posts (which he's doing that quite frequently now) - all mods are silent.

Point out to me where mods have acted like that? I think you will find that they only take action when the actual word is present and NOT the ****s

If this is a problem for you then please feel free to press the 'report to moderator' button below.

Or you can keep going through all my posts *trying* to find fault... Do NOT worry I won't be doing the same to you as I don't have time.

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #1262 on:** August 31, 2009, 23:18:35 »

How about getting back on topic with Jokes, keep the slanging match to PM's please.

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #1263 on:** August 31, 2009, 23:19:30 »

Quote from: CaptainMike1 on August 31, 2009, 23:18:35

How about getting back on topic with Jokes, keep the slanging match to PM's please.

Fair point. Sorry chaps.

Mad_Fred · « **Reply #1264 on:** August 31, 2009, 23:43:30 »

Geez WM, can I get the time to actually come over and do so..?

Seriously Stu, I do also edit self censored stuff. Cause if you have to censor it, it's allready known to you that you are going to post something that's not fit for 7 year olds. It's the intention, more than the actual word. Abbreviations and such I regard in a similar fashion.

Back on topic: any good jokes?

Fred.

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1265 on:** August 31, 2009, 23:46:40 »

Will this one pass??

The End is Nearer Than You Think !!

A local Priest and a Rabbi were fishing on a bank on the side of a road.
They thoughtfully made a sign saying: "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" and showed it to each passing car.

One driver that drove by didn't appreciate the sign and shouted at them: "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"

All of a sudden they heard a big splash. They looked at each other and the priest said to the rabbi, "You think we should just put up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"

Capt. Matt · « **Reply #1266 on:** August 31, 2009, 23:49:47 »

Aad has an unlimited joke library

This thread always gives me a smile

Wave Music · « **Reply #1267 on:** August 31, 2009, 23:57:37 »

Quote from: Mad_Fred on August 31, 2009, 23:43:30

Geez WM, can I get the time to actually come over and do so..?

Seriously Stu, I do also edit self censored stuff. Cause if you have to censor it, it's allready known to you that you are going to post something that's not fit for 7 year olds. It's the intention, more than the actual word. Abbreviations and such I regard in a similar fashion.

Back on topic: any good jokes?

Fred.

Congratulations & welcome on my side, Fred!

Capt. Matt · « **Reply #1268 on:** September 01, 2009, 02:52:15 »

Wave that doesnt look like a joke to me

my list of jokes 100 my list of approiate jokes Uhm 0

Kidding Kidding (to some extent)

A man and a Spambot were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the Spambot acting unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the Spambot dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the Spambot, 'Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.'

The Spambot calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, 'No he didn't. He just walked in the door.'
Thats approiate right?

TJK · « **Reply #1269 on:** September 01, 2009, 11:57:54 »

Here are some short ones

Q. Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?

A. He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. How do you tease fruit?

A. Banananananananana!

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Q. Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk?

A. Because he wanted to work over-time!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. Why did Tommy throw the clock out of the window?

A. Because he wanted to see time fly!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. What happens to a hamburger that misses a lot of school?

A. He has a lot of ketchup time!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. Why did the man at the orange juice factory lose his job?

A. He couldn't concentrate!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. How do you repair a broken tomato?

A. Tomato Paste!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. Why did the baby strawberry cry?

A. Because his parents were in a jam!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. What did the hamburger name his daughter?

A. Patty!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay?

A. A deviled egg!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q. What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving?

A. A turkey!

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1270 on:** September 01, 2009, 21:52:40 »

What Happened !?

A small child slipped and fell overboard.
A man swooped over the rail of the liner into the water and saved the child.
Coming back on board, the man who had saved the child was cheered by the other passengers.
The captain asked the man: "Is there anything I can do for you?"
The man answered: "Yep, can you tell me who pushed me overboard?!"

capn_cal · « **Reply #1271 on:** September 02, 2009, 21:59:46 »

Quote from: Capt. Matt on September 01, 2009, 02:52:15

Wave that doesnt look like a joke to me

my list of jokes 100 my list of approiate jokes Uhm 0 Kidding Kidding (to some extent)

A man and a Spambot were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the Spambot acting unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the Spambot dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the Spambot, 'Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.'

The Spambot calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, 'No he didn't. He just walked in the door.'
Thats approiate right?

don't quite get it

The Ferry Man · « **Reply #1272 on:** September 02, 2009, 22:00:35 »

Quote from: capn_cal on September 02, 2009, 21:59:46

don't quite get it

The bloke who went under the table wasn't husband, but another one who did walk in was... (affair...)

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #1273 on:** September 02, 2009, 22:50:03 »

Quote from: capn_cal on September 02, 2009, 21:59:46

don't quite get it

capn_cal's comments are almost as funny as the jokes, except that they are always the same!

Wave Music · « **Reply #1274 on:** September 02, 2009, 23:00:13 »

Quote from: CaptainMike1 on September 02, 2009, 22:50:03

capn_cal's comments are almost as funny as the jokes, except that they are always the same!

I thought I'll PM you with the link... But you were enough fast without that!

Author Topic: Joke of the day (Read 839733 times)

TJK