Topic: Joke of the day (Read 839562 times)

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #1075 on:** July 10, 2009, 12:47:08 »

How about this?

Capn_cal, let me know if you need help!

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1076 on:** July 10, 2009, 14:56:33 »

These are Taxing Times

Then there was the fellow who got in trouble with the IRS for deducting flood damage to his home on his tax return.

The government found out he lived on a houseboat!

TJK · « **Reply #1077 on:** July 10, 2009, 16:22:26 »

Good one Aad, watt about this

Mercadies Blondes

There were these 2 blondes standing outside in a parking lot next to there Mercadies vehicle.They were locked out so they were trying to get the door open with a close hanger. The 1st blonde said," You need to try harder. It's starting to rain and the top is down!"

An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station. The Officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and tells them that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA. Little Boy says " He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!" Officer says "Yes." Little Boy asks "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture.

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1078 on:** July 10, 2009, 16:38:39 »

Keep Your Eye Out for Trouble

It was an aggressive poker game on the riverboat. The stakes were high and the one eyed man was winning big and often. The game went on for hours and the losers were getting very frustrated.

The age had long past when gamblers settled their disputes on the river by fighting. It was the time of the gentleman riverboat gambler to be otherwise was considered bad form!

Slowly standing, one of the gentlemen gamblers in a slow low tone said, "Far be it for me gentlemen to cast dispersions on any one person here. Understand gentlemen, I am not accusing anyone of cheating.
The fact that I'm loosing my shirt is not one person's fault.
However, if I lose one more hand because anyone decides to cheat, I swear gentlemen, I'll shoot out his other eye!"

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #1079 on:** July 10, 2009, 17:01:14 »

Capt. Matt · « **Reply #1080 on:** July 10, 2009, 17:29:46 »

we need a head shaking icon lol

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #1081 on:** July 10, 2009, 17:35:42 »

Even Worse

The Ferry Man · « **Reply #1082 on:** July 10, 2009, 17:49:18 »

What...

You don't get dressed up in your best clothes when you go shopping in a ASDA/Tesco...

TJK · « **Reply #1083 on:** July 10, 2009, 18:30:29 »

HAHAHA (http://planetsmilies.net)

(http://planetsmilies.net)

Why I Fired My Secretary

This is a true story. Last week was my 40th birthday and I really didnâ€™t feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, â€œHappy Birthday!â€, and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone â€œHappy Birthday.â€ I thoughtâ€¦ Well, thatâ€™s marriage for you, but the kidsâ€¦ They will remember.

capn_cal · « **Reply #1084 on:** July 10, 2009, 18:44:00 »

Quote from: CaptainMike1 on July 10, 2009, 17:35:42

Even Worse

i think in this joke it says that walmart is so exspensive that you have to dress up for it (that's what i think)

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1085 on:** July 10, 2009, 22:12:47 »

Some Old Habits Die Hard

The navy admiral retired and hired his orderly of over twenty five years to come with him. The admiral told the orderly that even though he would now work for him personally, his duties would be exactly the same as they were in the navy.

On the first morning of the admiral's retirement the orderly came into the admiral's room and woke him. Then the orderly slapped the admiral's sleeping wife on the behind saying, " Okay, honey, it's back onshore for you!"

TJK · « **Reply #1086 on:** July 10, 2009, 22:23:09 »

One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed. "Your a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked. "HA! Your lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said. The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "MY ROLEX!"

capn_cal · « **Reply #1087 on:** July 10, 2009, 22:48:13 »

is a rolex a fake arm?

capn_cal · « **Reply #1088 on:** July 10, 2009, 22:50:38 »

Quote from: CaptainMike1 on July 10, 2009, 12:47:08

How about this?

Capn_cal, let me know if you need help!

no explaining needed here, although that thing was maybe made by a blonde

The Ferry Man · « **Reply #1089 on:** July 10, 2009, 22:51:41 »

Quote from: capn_cal on July 10, 2009, 22:48:13

is a rolex a fake arm?

A watch (a expensive watch)

TJK · « **Reply #1090 on:** July 10, 2009, 22:52:37 »

Quote from: capn_cal on July 10, 2009, 22:48:13

is a rolex a fake arm?

Capn_cal, let me know if you need help!

firestar12 · « **Reply #1091 on:** July 11, 2009, 01:55:53 »

Guys, why don't we lay it off? So he asked for an explanations a few times, we all need help sometimes. $:-\$

capn_cal · « **Reply #1092 on:** July 11, 2009, 02:56:05 »

Quote from: The Ferry Man on July 10, 2009, 22:51:41

A watch (a expensive watch)

ok

capn_cal · « **Reply #1093 on:** July 11, 2009, 02:56:43 »

Quote from: Firestar on July 11, 2009, 01:55:53

Guys, why don't we lay it off? So he asked for an explanations a few times, we all need help sometimes. $:-\$

i don't reaally care and besides it's kinda funny

TJK · « **Reply #1094 on:** July 11, 2009, 03:05:52 »

Quote from: capn_cal on July 11, 2009, 02:56:43

i don't reaally care and besides it's kinda funny

And if you read the joke again, then you see the first ting he thinking about are NOT the arm but the clock

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #1095 on:** July 11, 2009, 09:44:29 »

Quote from: The Ferry Man on July 10, 2009, 17:49:18

What...

You don't get dressed up in your best clothes when you go shopping in a ASDA/Tesco...

That's the joke!

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1096 on:** July 11, 2009, 17:24:55 »

The Oldest Captain

A reporter was interviewing a Tugboat Captain who was celebrating his 82nd birthday. He was the oldest captain on the river.
At the end of the interview the reporter said: "I would love to come back and see you again when you reach 90."
The captain said: "Don't see why not. You look healthy enough to make it !"

----------------------------------------------------

Those Techy Insects

Their first father and son fishing trip had ended late in the day.

The son was explaining his experience to his mother.

"Dad said that the only things biting were the mosquitoes."
Then, referring to the fireflies that came out later, he exclaimed: "When it got dark the mosquitoes started coming at us with little flashlights!"

capn_cal · « **Reply #1097 on:** July 13, 2009, 20:30:54 »

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1098 on:** July 13, 2009, 22:33:37 »

The mess officer was upset because the sailors were not eating his bread. Some of the sailors complained that the bread was too hard. The officer said: "If the Mayflower crew on their voyage had that bread, they would have eaten it down to the last crumb."

A young sailor said: "I believe that, Sir, but this bread was fresher then!"

capn_cal · « **Reply #1099 on:** July 13, 2009, 23:15:09 »

as funny as ever aad, do you get your jokes from google?

Author Topic: Joke of the day (Read 839562 times)

TJK

TJK

TJK

TJK

firestar12

TJK