Topic: Joke of the day (Read 839504 times)

John enters a bookstore and asks the salesSpambot: "Where can I find a book called The man is the Boss at Home".
After a few moments of thinking the salesSpambot answers: "Third row on your left in the section Fairy Tales".

capn_cal · « **Reply #1008 on:** June 29, 2009, 20:25:08 »

as funny as ever aad

firestar12 · « **Reply #1009 on:** June 29, 2009, 22:06:12 »

Quote from: IRI5HJ4CK on June 22, 2009, 07:46:30

Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at guiding merchant ships all over the world. Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains.

However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain's quarters and open a small safe.

In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, then lock it back up. After, he would go about his daily duties.

For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.

One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and... The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper, two on two lines:

Port Left, Starboard Right.

Jack

The best I have heard!

capn_cal · « **Reply #1010 on:** June 30, 2009, 21:32:49 »

rofl!

Captain Spencer · « **Reply #1011 on:** June 30, 2009, 21:34:30 »

Multistory ship park anyone?

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1012 on:** June 30, 2009, 22:07:59 »

Those Pesky Green Peace People

Sunburned and upset Sandy returned to the office Monday morning.
"What's wrong Sandy?" asked one of her co-workers.
"I've had it!" exclaimed Sandy " I'm going on a diet once and for all!"
"Oh you don't look so bad", said the co-worker.
"Oh really?", pouted Sandy. "Sunday, I decided to go to the beach and fell asleep. I woke up with four men from Green peace pulling on my arms and legs and one was shouting: "Quick, lets see if we can slide it back into the water!"

Capt. Matt · « **Reply #1013 on:** June 30, 2009, 22:11:56 »

Haha good one Aad

Captain Spencer · « **Reply #1014 on:** June 30, 2009, 22:27:33 »

**Suggests Aad ducks for cover and battens down the hatch before any Spambot spot the joke**

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1015 on:** June 30, 2009, 22:37:59 »

One day a frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller, whose name is Patricia Whack. "Ms. Whack," he says, "I'd like to obtain a loan to buy a boat."
Patti furrows her brow and asks, "Well, how much do you want to borrow?"
"$30,000," the frog says.
"Really?" she asked, eyebrow raised.
"Yes," he said. digging into his pants pocket and produced a tiny pink porcelain elephant. "And I want to use this as collateral."
"Okay," Patti said, accepting the elephant. "I'll have to ask the president of the bank about this."
"That's fine," he said. "I'm sure he will vouch for me."
Patti walked into the president's office and explained the situation.
"There's a frog out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000 to buy a boat. He wants to use this" (she holds up the tiny pink elephant )as collateral. What the heck is this thing?"

The president said: "That's a knickknack, Patti Whack, give the frog a loan. "

thassos · « **Reply #1016 on:** June 30, 2009, 23:52:09 »

Reminds me of the men working on the roof at Buckingham Palace. They both fell from the roof and became stuck in a rain collecting barrel.
Meanwhile, Doug, who is up for a knighthood is in the middle of a crisis - the sword for the ceremony cannot be found. Eventually, a rubber toy sword is borrowed from one of the granchildren and Doug is duly knighted.
On his way out, he spots the men stuck in the barrel and goes to pull them out.
Headline in newspaper:
Rubber dubbed Doug frees men in a tub.

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1017 on:** July 01, 2009, 17:30:14 »

Did You Forget Something?

A child was playing on the beach when a tidal wave came in and swept him into the water.
Ever alert, the lifeguard dove into the water and fought through the swells. After one last giant effort he reached the child. Holding the child securely, he swam back to shore.
The child's mother rushed to them. She kissed her most precious son then turned to the exhausted lifeguard and said: " Where's his hat?"

capn_cal · « **Reply #1018 on:** July 01, 2009, 20:00:18 »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fDBl1wT2Lk&feature=channel_page

IRI5HJ4CK · « **Reply #1019 on:** July 02, 2009, 07:40:29 »

A petty thief, a teacher and a lawyer die in a plane crash and go up to Heaven's gates together.
When they get there they are stopped by St. Peter, who says: "Sorry, it's crowded up here, you need to answer a question correctly, or else you can't get in."

He looks at the teacher, and asks her: "What was the name of the famous ocean-liner that sank after hitting an iceberg?"
"Oh, that's easy," the teacher replies, "the Titanic."

So St. Peter lets her into Heaven.
Next he turns to the petty thief.
"How many people died on that ship?" St. Peter asks.
"Oooh, that's tough, but I saw the movie, and I think it was 1,500."
St. Peter steps away and the thief walks into Heaven.

Finally, St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says: "Name them."

Jack

LOL

TJK · « **Reply #1020 on:** July 02, 2009, 11:48:36 »

HAHA that's good, here are mine

Tore

capn_cal · « **Reply #1021 on:** July 02, 2009, 13:54:42 »

Quote from: TJK on July 02, 2009, 11:48:36

HAHA that's good, here are mine

Tore

don't get it

capn_cal · « **Reply #1022 on:** July 02, 2009, 14:17:08 »

give me a clue?

capn_cal · « **Reply #1023 on:** July 02, 2009, 15:05:58 »

ohhhhhhhh

:doh:now i get it!!!

Capt. Matt · « **Reply #1024 on:** July 02, 2009, 15:26:29 »

Capn_Cal another option is the MODIFY button then type EDIT now I get it

youll learn soon enough

Author Topic: Joke of the day (Read 839504 times)

firestar12

TJK