Topic: Joke of the day (Read 839512 times)

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #975 on:** June 25, 2009, 17:17:22 »

Quote from: Capt. Matt on June 24, 2009, 17:58:01

Hmm I dont get it

Don't give up, keep working on it!

capn_cal · « **Reply #976 on:** June 25, 2009, 18:17:25 »

it just seems like a week ago that this topic only 16 pages

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #977 on:** June 25, 2009, 18:49:09 »

Quote from: CaptainMike1 on June 25, 2009, 17:17:22

Don't give up, keep working on it!

One Good Tern Will Do It

A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am.The chief petty officer spied him and ordered the sailor to stop. Upon hearing the sailor's lame explanation for his tardiness, the officer ordered the sailor to, "Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning or it's the brig for you!"

The sailor picked up the broom and commenced performing his charge. As he began to sweep, a Tern landed on the broom handle. The lad picked the tern off the broom handle, giving the bird a toss. The Tern left, only to return and light once again on the broom handle.
The sailor went through the same routine over and over again. He couldn't get any cleaning done because he could only sweep at the chain once or twice before the blasted bird returned. In the morning the chief petty officer, came to checked the sailor and his work.

"What in the heck have you been doing all night? This chain is no cleaner than when you started! What have you to say for yourself, sailor?" barked the chief.

"Honest, chief," came the reply, "I tossed a Tern all night and couldn't sweep a link!"

capn_cal · « **Reply #978 on:** June 26, 2009, 03:25:13 »

now thats good aad

sadsid (â€ 2016) · « **Reply #979 on:** June 26, 2009, 12:50:12 »

OFFENSIVE JOKE REMOVED BY REQUEST
Please try to remember the 7 years old rule
Eric

RMSGreatBritain · « **Reply #980 on:** June 26, 2009, 13:44:51 »

I once told my mate I was gonna be a comedian.

He laughed.

(that was awful wasnt it)

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #981 on:** June 26, 2009, 17:08:48 »

Quote from: sadsid on June 26, 2009, 12:50:12

OFFENSIVE JOKE REMOVED BY REQUEST
Please try to remember the 7 years old rule
Eric

Was it a good one?

IRI5HJ4CK · « **Reply #982 on:** June 26, 2009, 18:39:29 »

Quote from: CaptainMike1 on June 26, 2009, 17:08:48

Was it a good one?

Probably.

sadsid (â€ 2016) · « **Reply #983 on:** June 26, 2009, 18:41:49 »

HI
Not really guys read a lot better

IRI5HJ4CK · « **Reply #984 on:** June 26, 2009, 18:43:38 »

Thats a shame!!

Or maybe not...Since then, I would be thinking if the joke was good or not, and if I had missed out.

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #985 on:** June 26, 2009, 22:41:00 »

The Perfect Holy Storm

The buyer of the sailboat thought the seller was kidding when he told him he was buying a holy boat.
His instruction to the buyer was, " if you yell PRAISE THE LORD the wind will fill your sails! The louder you yell the greater the wind. To stop the wind yell THE DEVIL IS DEAD."

During his first trip out and feeling a little silly he, in a modest tone uttered, "Praise the Lord". Poof, the sails billowed and moved the boat through the water at a nice clip.
Was it a coincidence?

A little louder he yelled "PRAISE THE LORD", and the boat lurched forward doing 30 knots!
Now excited and drunk with his newfound power he yelled, "PRAISE THE LORD" three times in a row!

Suddenly the new sailor realized what he had done! Winds of hurricane proportion started beating his boat! How to make it stop? He could not remember the words!
With his sails now in tatters and in fear of losing his boat the sailor suddenly remembered,
"THE DEVIL IS DEAD", he roared!

There was suddenly calm.

Shaken beyond belief the sailor fell on his back and looking to heavens and in the loudest voice he could muster roared with relief, "PRAISE THE LOOOORRRD!!!"

firestar12 · « **Reply #986 on:** June 27, 2009, 22:05:39 »

Hahahaha...good one Aad!

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #987 on:** June 27, 2009, 22:49:24 »

Honest Teacher !!

John and Paul were late to school, the school bell having chimed through the small valley a half hour before. The principal confronted the truants and asked where they have been.

John said, "I was dreaming that I was getting ready to go on a steamboat trip to New Orleans. I thought the school bell was the boat leaving and dreaming that I was too late decided I did not need to get out of bed.

The Principal asked Paul, " So, what do you have to say young man?"

Paul said," I was on the dock waiting waiting for John!"

IRI5HJ4CK · « **Reply #988 on:** June 28, 2009, 08:37:12 »

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctorÂ´s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams, then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more agony. She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams.

Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "YouÂ´re not really a redhead, are you?"

"Well, no" she says, "IÂ´m actually a blonde."

"I thought so" the doctor says.

"Your finger is broken".

Jack

Capt. Matt · « **Reply #989 on:** June 28, 2009, 13:49:51 »

good one jack
here is a topic joke http://www.shipsim.com/ShipSimForum/index.php/topic,773.0.html (http://www.shipsim.com/ShipSimForum/index.php/topic,773.0.html)
Not so much a joke, just the worlds stupidest topic

Capt. Matt · « **Reply #990 on:** June 28, 2009, 14:09:21 »

Simple just clicked on pg 105 and looked back looking for old topics

U and I should start a new thread, it would be a hit, I can see it now "Forum Game" Stupidest threads

EDIT: Looks like Aad wasnt the only one with a "Joke" topic http://www.shipsim.com/ShipSimForum/index.php/topic,2463.0.html (http://www.shipsim.com/ShipSimForum/index.php/topic,2463.0.html)

Capt. Matt · « **Reply #991 on:** June 28, 2009, 14:21:23 »

Ahhhh well then...

put it back put it back put it back

hahaha we desperately need it

EDIT: This topic is once again another one that did a 90degree turn, for the worse

Scroll down in the topic
http://www.shipsim.com/ShipSimForum/index.php/topic,2940.0.html (http://www.shipsim.com/ShipSimForum/index.php/topic,2940.0.html)

I think we shall get back on topic before Aad slaps us with a herring

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #992 on:** June 28, 2009, 14:58:22 »

And that would be a green one, comlete with onions

Skier Inbound

Looking out his window Paul saw a man lying motionless on his dock. Running to the man's aid he noticed two broken water skies on the dock. As he drew closer he noticed the man had abrasions cuts an scrapes all over his body. One leg was twisted in a way that would indicate that it was broken.
Kneeling over the man Paul asked, "what happened?"
The skier replied, "I don't know I just got here myself!"

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #993 on:** June 28, 2009, 17:12:03 »

Quote from: Aad The Pirate on June 28, 2009, 14:58:22

And that would be a green one, comlete with onions

Skier Inbound

Looking out his window Paul saw a man lying motionless on his dock. Running to the man's aid he noticed two broken water skies on the dock. As he drew closer he noticed the man had abrasions cuts an scrapes all over his body. One leg was twisted in a way that would indicate that it was broken.
Kneeling over the man Paul asked, "what happened?"
The skier replied, "I don't know I just got here myself!"

Oh!!

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #994 on:** June 28, 2009, 17:31:50 »

One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world at a depth of 20 feet. He noticed a guy at the same depth but he had on no SCUBA gear!
The diver went below another 20 feet, but the guy joined him. The diver went below 25 feet more, and once again, the guy joined him.
This confused the diver, so he took out his board and marker, and wrote, "How are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"
The guy grabbed the board, quickly erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'M DROWNING, YOU FOOL!!!"

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #995 on:** June 28, 2009, 18:28:58 »

Ahoy Diamant,
How boring can you be?
Consider yourself warned by this Octupuss.
Next time it will be a Herring

Capt. Matt · « **Reply #996 on:** June 28, 2009, 19:08:14 »

Haha diamant those gave me a laugh

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #997 on:** June 28, 2009, 20:15:51 »

Ahoy Diamant,
Well, then create that topic, but stop the 'Idle Chatter' in this one.
Here comes the Herring

The Near Perfect Storm

A guest, on a private sailboat on a compass heading to the Bahamas, had to hit the head. Excusing himself he left the main cabin.
Shortly after, a sudden squall hit the ship. A giant freak wave rolled over the vessel and, with a stress breach in the hull, the boat began taking on water!
Just short of sinking and with his guests and crew in the life boat, the captain realized someone was missing. Working his way towards the aft cabins and fighting the onslaught of water rushing in, he broke open the door to the head.
There stood the missing guest. Shaken and confused he looked at the captain and said, "I don't understand, all I did was pull the handle!"

capn_cal · « **Reply #998 on:** June 29, 2009, 01:26:44 »

Quote from: Aad The Pirate on June 28, 2009, 14:58:22

And that would be a green one, comlete with onions

Skier Inbound

Looking out his window Paul saw a man lying motionless on his dock. Running to the man's aid he noticed two broken water skies on the dock. As he drew closer he noticed the man had abrasions cuts an scrapes all over his body. One leg was twisted in a way that would indicate that it was broken.
Kneeling over the man Paul asked, "what happened?"
The skier replied, "I don't know I just got here myself!"

i don't get it (what's the funny part?)

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #999 on:** June 29, 2009, 10:30:34 »

Quote from: capn_cal on June 29, 2009, 01:26:44

i don't get it (what's the funny part?)

Don't give up, keep working on it!

Author Topic: Joke of the day (Read 839512 times)

firestar12