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Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 804587 times)

CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #975 on: June 25, 2009, 17:17:22 »

Hmm I dont get it ???

Don't give up, keep working on it!

 :doh:
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capn_cal

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #976 on: June 25, 2009, 18:17:25 »

it just seems like a week ago that this topic only 16 pages
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #977 on: June 25, 2009, 18:49:09 »

Don't give up, keep working on it!

 :doh:
:evil:

One Good Tern Will Do It

A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am.The chief petty officer spied him and ordered the sailor to stop. Upon hearing the sailor's lame explanation for his tardiness, the officer ordered the sailor to, "Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning or it's the brig for you!"

The sailor picked up the broom and commenced performing his charge. As he began to sweep, a Tern landed on the broom handle. The lad picked the tern off the broom handle, giving the bird a toss. The Tern left, only to return and light once again on the broom handle.
The sailor went through the same routine over and over again. He couldn't get any cleaning done because he could only sweep at the chain once or twice before the blasted bird returned. In the morning the chief petty officer, came to checked the sailor and his work.

"What in the heck have you been doing all night? This chain is no cleaner than when you started! What have you to say for yourself, sailor?" barked the chief.

"Honest, chief," came the reply, "I tossed a Tern all night and couldn't sweep a link!" 
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capn_cal

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #978 on: June 26, 2009, 03:25:13 »

now thats good aad
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sadsid († 2016)

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #979 on: June 26, 2009, 12:50:12 »

OFFENSIVE JOKE REMOVED BY REQUEST
Please try to remember the 7 years old rule
                                                          Eric
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RMSGreatBritain

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #980 on: June 26, 2009, 13:44:51 »

I once told my mate I was gonna be a comedian.

He laughed.


(that was awful wasnt it)
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #981 on: June 26, 2009, 17:08:48 »

OFFENSIVE JOKE REMOVED BY REQUEST
Please try to remember the 7 years old rule
                                                          Eric

Was it a good one?
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IRI5HJ4CK

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #982 on: June 26, 2009, 18:39:29 »

« Last Edit: June 26, 2009, 18:41:29 by IRI5HJ4CK »
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Kind Regards,
Jack.

sadsid († 2016)

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #983 on: June 26, 2009, 18:41:49 »

HI
Not really guys read a lot better
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IRI5HJ4CK

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #984 on: June 26, 2009, 18:43:38 »

Thats a shame!! :doh:

Or maybe not...Since then, I would be thinking if the joke was good or not, and if I had missed out.

 :lol:
« Last Edit: June 26, 2009, 18:46:01 by IRI5HJ4CK »
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Kind Regards,
Jack.

Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #985 on: June 26, 2009, 22:41:00 »

The Perfect Holy Storm

The buyer of the sailboat thought the seller was kidding when he told him he was buying a holy boat.
His instruction to the buyer was, " if you yell PRAISE THE LORD the wind will fill your sails! The louder you yell the greater the wind. To stop the wind yell THE DEVIL IS DEAD."

During his first trip out and feeling a little silly he, in a modest tone uttered, "Praise the Lord". Poof, the sails billowed and moved the boat through the water at a nice clip.
Was it a coincidence?

A little louder he yelled "PRAISE THE LORD", and the boat lurched forward doing 30 knots!
Now excited and drunk with his newfound power he yelled, "PRAISE THE LORD" three times in a row!

Suddenly the new sailor realized what he had done! Winds of hurricane proportion started beating his boat! How to make it stop? He could not remember the words!
With his sails now in tatters and in fear of losing his boat the sailor suddenly remembered,
"THE DEVIL IS DEAD", he roared!

There was suddenly calm.

Shaken beyond belief the sailor fell on his back and looking to heavens and in the loudest voice he could muster roared with relief, "PRAISE THE LOOOORRRD!!!"

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firestar12

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #986 on: June 27, 2009, 22:05:39 »

Hahahaha...good one Aad! ;D
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #987 on: June 27, 2009, 22:49:24 »

Honest Teacher !!
John and Paul were late to school, the school bell having chimed through the small valley a half hour before. The principal confronted the truants and asked where they have been.

John said, "I was dreaming that I was getting ready to go on a steamboat trip to New Orleans. I thought the school bell was the boat leaving and dreaming that I was too late decided I did not need to get out of bed.

The Principal asked Paul, " So, what do you have to say young man?"

Paul said," I was on the dock waiting waiting for John!"
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IRI5HJ4CK

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #988 on: June 28, 2009, 08:37:12 »

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor´s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams, then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more agony. She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams.

Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You´re not really a redhead, are you?"

"Well, no" she says, "I´m actually a blonde."

"I thought so" the doctor says.

"Your finger is broken".  
    
Jack :lol: :2thumbs:
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Kind Regards,
Jack.

Capt. Matt

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #989 on: June 28, 2009, 13:49:51 »

 :lol: good one jack
here is a topic joke http://www.shipsim.com/ShipSimForum/index.php/topic,773.0.html
Not so much a joke, just the worlds stupidest topic
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Capt. Matt

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #990 on: June 28, 2009, 14:09:21 »

Simple just clicked on pg 105 and looked back looking for old topics :doh: :thumbs: U and I should start a new thread, it would be a hit, I can see it now "Forum Game" Stupidest threads  :lol:

EDIT: Looks like Aad wasnt the only one with a "Joke" topic http://www.shipsim.com/ShipSimForum/index.php/topic,2463.0.html
« Last Edit: June 28, 2009, 14:12:33 by Capt. Matt »
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Capt. Matt

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #991 on: June 28, 2009, 14:21:23 »

Ahhhh well then...





put it back put it back put it back

hahaha we desperately need it :thumbs:

EDIT: This topic is once again another one that did a 90degree turn, for the worse :evil:
Scroll down in the topic
http://www.shipsim.com/ShipSimForum/index.php/topic,2940.0.html

I think we shall get back on topic before Aad slaps us with a herring ::)  :lol:
« Last Edit: June 28, 2009, 14:26:15 by Capt. Matt »
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #992 on: June 28, 2009, 14:58:22 »

And that would be a green one, comlete with onions   :evil:

Skier Inbound


Looking out his window Paul saw a man lying motionless on his dock. Running to the man's aid he noticed two broken water skies on the dock. As he drew closer he noticed the man had abrasions cuts an scrapes all over his body. One leg was twisted in a way that would indicate that it was broken.
Kneeling over the man Paul asked, "what happened?"
The skier replied, "I don't know I just got here myself!"
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #993 on: June 28, 2009, 17:12:03 »

And that would be a green one, comlete with onions   :evil:

Skier Inbound


Looking out his window Paul saw a man lying motionless on his dock. Running to the man's aid he noticed two broken water skies on the dock. As he drew closer he noticed the man had abrasions cuts an scrapes all over his body. One leg was twisted in a way that would indicate that it was broken.
Kneeling over the man Paul asked, "what happened?"
The skier replied, "I don't know I just got here myself!"

Oh!!

 :doh:
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #994 on: June 28, 2009, 17:31:50 »

One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world at a depth of 20 feet. He noticed a guy at the same depth but he had on no SCUBA gear!
The diver went below another 20 feet, but the guy joined him. The diver went below 25 feet more, and once again, the guy joined him.
This confused the diver, so he took out his board and marker, and wrote, "How are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"
The guy grabbed the board, quickly erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'M DROWNING, YOU FOOL!!!"
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #995 on: June 28, 2009, 18:28:58 »

Ahoy Diamant,
How boring can you be?
Consider yourself warned by this Octupuss.
Next time it will be a Herring
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Capt. Matt

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #996 on: June 28, 2009, 19:08:14 »

Haha diamant those gave me a laugh :lol:
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #997 on: June 28, 2009, 20:15:51 »

Ahoy Diamant,
Well, then create that topic, but stop the 'Idle Chatter' in this one.
Here comes the Herring

The Near Perfect Storm


A guest, on a private sailboat on a compass heading to the Bahamas, had to hit the head. Excusing himself he left the main cabin.
Shortly after, a sudden squall hit the ship. A giant freak wave rolled over the vessel and, with a stress breach in the hull, the boat began taking on water!
Just short of sinking and with his guests and crew in the life boat, the captain realized someone was missing. Working his way towards the aft cabins and fighting the onslaught of water rushing in, he broke open the door to the head.
There stood the missing guest. Shaken and confused he looked at the captain and said, "I don't understand, all I did was pull the handle!"
« Last Edit: June 28, 2009, 23:38:26 by Aad The Pirate »
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capn_cal

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #998 on: June 29, 2009, 01:26:44 »

And that would be a green one, comlete with onions   :evil:

Skier Inbound


Looking out his window Paul saw a man lying motionless on his dock. Running to the man's aid he noticed two broken water skies on the dock. As he drew closer he noticed the man had abrasions cuts an scrapes all over his body. One leg was twisted in a way that would indicate that it was broken.
Kneeling over the man Paul asked, "what happened?"
The skier replied, "I don't know I just got here myself!"
i don't get it (what's the funny part?)
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i don't know what to say on here so i'm typing what i'm typing now because i can't think of what else to type

CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #999 on: June 29, 2009, 10:30:34 »

i don't get it (what's the funny part?)

Don't give up, keep working on it!

 :doh:
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