Topic: Joke of the day (Read 839309 times)

TerryRussell · « **Reply #450 on:** January 28, 2009, 18:29:22 »

My doctor said I could have one glass of whiskey each day.

This one is for March 15th, 2078. Cheers...

firestar12 · « **Reply #451 on:** January 29, 2009, 00:04:33 »

Quote from: TerryRussell on January 28, 2009, 18:29:22

My doctor said I could have one glass of whiskey each day.

This one is for March 15th, 2078. Cheers...

Hehe....

capn_cal · « **Reply #452 on:** January 29, 2009, 00:51:48 »

Quote from: MH1 on December 12, 2008, 18:45:26

An Internet Christmas:

T'was the Internet Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,
There were hacker's a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet.
The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of Java danced in their dreams.
My wife on the sofa and me with a snack,
We just settled down at my rig (it's a Mac).

When out in the Web there arose such a clatter,
I jumped to the site to see what was the matter.
To a new page my Mac flew like a flash,
Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash!!

I gasped at the thought and started to grouse,
Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
My Mac jumped to a page that wasn't quite clear.

When the image resolved, so bright and so quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick!
More rapid than mainframes, more graphics they came,
Then Nick glanced toward my screen, my Mac called them by name;

"Now Compaq! Now Acer!", my speaker did reel;
"On Apple! On Gateway!" Santa started to squeal!
"Jump onto the circuits! And into the chip!
Now speed it up! Speed it up! Make this thing hip!"

The screen gave a flicker, he was into my "Ram",
Then into my room rose a full hologram!
He was dressed in all red, from his head to his shoes,
Which were black (the white socks he really should lose).

He pulled out some discs he had stored in his backpack.
Santa looked like a dude who was rarin' to hack!
His eyes, how they twinkled! His glasses, how techno!
This ain't the same Santa that I used to know!

With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head,
Santa soon let me know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, gave my Mac a quick poke,
And accessed my C drive with only a stroke.

He defragged my hard drive, and added a "Dimm",
Then threw in some cool games, just on a whim!
He worked without noise, his fingers they flew!
He distorted some pictures with Kai's Power Goo!

He updated Office, Excel and Quicken,
Then added a screensaver with a red clucking chicken!
My eyes widened a bit, my mouth stood agape,
As he added the latest version of Netscape.

The drive gave a whirl, as if it were pleased,
St. Nick coyly smiled, the computer appeased.
Then placing his finger on the bridge of his nose,
Santa turned into nothing but ones and zeros!

He flew back into my screen and through my uplink,
Back into the net with barely a blink.
But I heard his sweet voice as he flew from my sight,
"Happy surfing to all, and to all a good byte!"

this is one of the most funniest things i've read on, joke of the day

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #453 on:** January 29, 2009, 20:28:14 »

Never do things to another, when You don't want this things done to you.

TerryRussell · « **Reply #454 on:** January 29, 2009, 20:36:16 »

After I had parked my car in the High Street today, somebody actually complimented me on my driving.

They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

So that was nice.

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #455 on:** January 29, 2009, 20:49:48 »

RMSGreatBritain · « **Reply #456 on:** January 29, 2009, 21:45:16 »

Quote from: TerryRussell on January 29, 2009, 20:36:16

After I had parked my car in the High Street today, somebody actually complimented me on my driving.

They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

So that was nice.

ha ha ha!

that is so simple, yet so funny......

firestar12 · « **Reply #457 on:** January 29, 2009, 22:49:26 »

Bery awesome, You ill have to pay them you know. Hehe...

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #458 on:** January 30, 2009, 19:35:31 »

Great one

firestar12 · « **Reply #459 on:** January 30, 2009, 23:17:10 »

Heres one: What do you call a person choking on a pretzel?
A) An impossibly cross-bred Greek-Lanulosian monkey
B) George Cush
C) All of the above

Answer: C

tom_baker1709 · « **Reply #460 on:** January 30, 2009, 23:19:39 »

Quote from: Firestar on January 30, 2009, 23:17:10

B) George Cush

Who is that

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #461 on:** January 30, 2009, 23:23:04 »

Quote from: tom_baker1709 on January 30, 2009, 23:19:39

Who is that

ROFL

Gloat · « **Reply #462 on:** January 30, 2009, 23:23:54 »

Quote from: aadjepiraatje on January 25, 2009, 18:09:02

If this car was driving in front of You:

My mom doesnt get it either, and I am very curious. please may someone post the meaning?

firestar12 · « **Reply #463 on:** January 30, 2009, 23:24:45 »

Quote from: Gloat on January 30, 2009, 23:23:54

My mom doesnt get it either, and I am very curious. please may someone post the meaning?

Just look here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PMS

tom_baker1709 · « **Reply #464 on:** January 30, 2009, 23:25:28 »

Make me laugh, someone, please

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #465 on:** January 30, 2009, 23:27:15 »

Quote from: tom_baker1709 on January 30, 2009, 23:25:28

Make me laugh, someone, please

Ahoy Tom
This http://www.shipsim.com/ShipSimForum/index.php/topic,10830.msg153770.html#msg153770 is really hilarious !!!
@ Gloat: Where are you from original? Mars??

firestar12 · « **Reply #466 on:** January 30, 2009, 23:31:04 »

Quote from: aadjepiraatje on January 30, 2009, 23:27:15

This http://www.shipsim.com/ShipSimForum/index.php/topic,10830.msg153770.html#msg153770 is really hilarious !!!

Hehe...LOL...ROTFL...LM*O

Gloat · « **Reply #467 on:** January 30, 2009, 23:31:13 »

The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

tom_baker1709 · « **Reply #468 on:** January 30, 2009, 23:33:00 »

ha ha ha Great joke I love it.

I hate to say it but most my jokes are not for here

firestar12 · « **Reply #469 on:** January 30, 2009, 23:33:24 »

What weighs more a pound of pennys or a pound of feathers?

Gloat · « **Reply #470 on:** January 30, 2009, 23:34:33 »

?

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

tom_baker1709 · « **Reply #471 on:** January 30, 2009, 23:35:04 »

Quote from: Firestar on January 30, 2009, 23:33:24

What weighs more a pound of pennys or a pound of feathers?

They both weight the same

firestar12 · « **Reply #472 on:** January 30, 2009, 23:35:57 »

Quote from: tom_baker1709 on January 30, 2009, 23:35:04

They both weight the same

If a rooster lays an egg right on the peak of a roof, what side does the egg role down?

Gloat · « **Reply #473 on:** January 30, 2009, 23:36:57 »

the right.

A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,

"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

TerryRussell · « **Reply #474 on:** January 30, 2009, 23:37:17 »

Gloat: Check the jokes already posted. Then you might not repeat them....

A man went to the Doctor. He said "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green green grass of home'. What's the matter with me?"

The Doctor thought about this for a while and then said "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."

The man was horrified. "Is it common?", he asked.

"It's not unusual.", said the Doctor.

Author Topic: Joke of the day (Read 839309 times)

TerryRussell

firestar12

TerryRussell

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TerryRussell