Topic: Joke of the day (Read 807586 times)

Gernot1971 · « **Reply #2451 on:** June 21, 2012, 09:54:52 »

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Gernot1971 · « **Reply #2452 on:** June 22, 2012, 12:01:35 »

At the end of the funeral service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out. When they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.

As they are walking the husband cries out, "watch out for the wall!"

Gernot1971 · « **Reply #2453 on:** June 25, 2012, 11:24:01 »

A patient awakened after a serious operation only to find himself in a room with all the blinds drawn. Why are all the blinds closed?" He asked her doctor. Well, the surgeon responded, "They're fighting a huge fire across the street, and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation had failed."

Gernot1971 · « **Reply #2454 on:** July 03, 2012, 13:05:19 »

Tina asks Bill, "Will you love me when I'm old and graying?"

Bill replies, "Just love you? I shall admire you. I shall worship the very ground that you walk on. I shall...", then asks hesitantly, "you're not going to look like your mother, are you?

Rbsanford · « **Reply #2455 on:** July 03, 2012, 19:35:07 »

wow gernot, six posts in a row!

there were these two men sitting under a tree in the forest. one is reading, and the other is writing. a bear comes along and eats the reader, who goes down nicely. the bear then eats the writer, which gives it a stomachache. why? because of reader's digest and writer's cramp.

Gernot1971 · « **Reply #2456 on:** July 04, 2012, 09:37:27 »

Yeah, Rbsanford, you rescue me.

Know i now how Robinson Crusoe feel if he find his Friend Friday.

At this day, i will call you Friday.

Rbsanford · « **Reply #2457 on:** July 04, 2012, 17:13:54 »

sounds great, Friday it is!

Gernot1971 · « **Reply #2458 on:** July 05, 2012, 14:29:09 »

Rbsanford · « **Reply #2459 on:** July 05, 2012, 16:51:53 »

what is the same thing between a duck and a spoon?

neither is a lamp

dexter7 · « **Reply #2460 on:** July 07, 2012, 01:59:31 »

You'll get this one after reading it a few times...
Two guys are walking down a street.. One guy walks into a bar, He says "ouch..."

Rbsanford · « **Reply #2461 on:** July 10, 2012, 04:58:37 »

"What will it be?"
"Uh, I'll have one banana please."
"Okay, that'll be $1.50."
"Uh... can I just give you a dollar? Its all I have on me at the moment."
"No."
"Aw, come on."
"One dollar will get you just the peel."
"Great, then I'll take the fruit for 50 cents."

Gernot1971 · « **Reply #2462 on:** July 10, 2012, 11:21:10 »

Three old men went to see God.

The first old man, an American, asked God when will his country come out of recession.
"100 years," God said.
The American started weeping profusely. "I will not live to see that day"

Second man, a Russian asked God "When will my country become prosperous?"
"Fifty years," came the reply.
Russian too started weeping profusely. "I will not live to see that day"

Finally the Greek asked God, "When will my country become
corruption-free?"
God started weeping profusely. "I will not live to see that day"

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #2463 on:** July 10, 2012, 11:36:18 »

Quote from: Gernot1971 on July 10, 2012, 11:21:10

Three old men went to see God.

The first old man, an American, asked God when will his country come out of recession.
"100 years," God said.
The American started weeping profusely. "I will not live to see that day"

Second man, a Russian asked God "When will my country become prosperous?"
"Fifty years," came the reply.
Russian too started weeping profusely. "I will not live to see that day"

Finally the Greece asked God, "When will my country become
corruption-free?"
God started weeping profusely. "I will not live to see that day"

Actually funny!!

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #2464 on:** July 12, 2012, 09:48:29 »

*Two Irishmen find a mirror in the road.*

*The first one picks it up & says, "Blow me I know dis face but I can't put a name to it."*

*The second picks it up & says, "You daft bastard it's me!"

Gernot1971 · « **Reply #2465 on:** July 14, 2012, 10:48:18 »

A little bit old, but alltime good.

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #2466 on:** July 14, 2012, 10:53:03 »

The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife.*

*They said, "Is this your wife, sir?"*

*Shocked, I answered, " Yes."*

*They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."*

*I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality

Gernot1971 · « **Reply #2467 on:** July 14, 2012, 11:07:32 »

respect CaptainMike1

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #2468 on:** July 14, 2012, 11:08:29 »

*Paddy's in jail. The Guard looks in his cell and see's him hanging by his

feet.*

*"What are you doing?" he asks.*

*"Hanging myself," Paddy replies.*

*"It should be round your neck," says the guard.*

*"I tried that," says Paddy, "but I couldn't breathe."*

dexter7 · « **Reply #2469 on:** July 16, 2012, 03:24:20 »

Quote from: Rbsanford on June 16, 2012, 22:53:34

A man dies and goes up to heaven. but God says, "Now I will give you the choice of either going to heaven or to hell. But first I will show you what each one looks like." So first God shows the man heaven. It's a big, bright white place above the clouds where everyone flies around, hangs out with friends, family, and celebrities, and the man thinks its okay. Then he's showed hell; it's a white sandy tropical beach with turquoise water, and there are many beautiful girls and he's lounging in a comfy chair sipping an ice-cold beer. So after God shows him around, the man says "Now heaven was nice, but hell was even better! I wanna go there!".

A few days pass, and God decides to pay the man a visit in hell. He's slaving in fields of fire and lava while hideous demons whip and torment him. The man says, "God, what happened to the beach with the girls and the beer?" God says, "That was the screen-saver."

Old post, but, I feel bad for the guy

Rbsanford · « **Reply #2470 on:** July 16, 2012, 03:33:31 »

Dexy, the beach in your profile pic looks a lot like the screensaver in hell.

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #2471 on:** July 16, 2012, 09:16:57 »

Me mate's missus left him last Thursday, she said she was going out for a

pint of milk & never come back!

I asked him how he was coping and he said,"Not bad, I've been using that

powdered stuff!!

Gernot1971 · « **Reply #2472 on:** July 16, 2012, 09:50:46 »

Quote from: Rbsanford on July 16, 2012, 03:33:31

Dexy, the beach in your profile pic looks a lot like the screensaver in hell.

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #2473 on:** July 16, 2012, 09:57:24 »

Quote from: Rbsanford on July 16, 2012, 03:33:31

Dexy, the beach in your profile pic looks a lot like the screensaver in hell.

Not sure what sort of joke this is meant to be?

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #2474 on:** July 16, 2012, 09:57:34 »

Quote from: Gernot1971 on July 16, 2012, 09:50:46

Not sure what sort of joke this is meant to be?

Author Topic: Joke of the day (Read 807586 times)