Topic: Joke of the day (Read 807437 times)

Gernot1971 · « **Reply #2376 on:** April 25, 2012, 07:58:15 »

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: â€œThatâ€™s the ugliest baby Iâ€™ve ever seen.â€ The woman sits down at the back of the bus and says to the man next to her: â€œThe driver just insulted me.â€ The man replies: â€œYou go right back and tell him heâ€™s wrong. Go on! Iâ€™ll hold your monkey for you.â€

Gernot1971 · « **Reply #2377 on:** April 25, 2012, 08:00:29 »

Good news, very good news. The playable area for us Shipsimmer will be bigger and bigger. So we find somedays a place to sail the Oceania.

Gernot1971 · « **Reply #2378 on:** April 26, 2012, 07:39:58 »

Rbsanford · « **Reply #2379 on:** April 27, 2012, 00:16:12 »

whats a pirate's favorite letter?

you would think its "R" but its the "C" he's really in love with.

Gernot1971 · « **Reply #2380 on:** April 27, 2012, 08:08:57 »

A teenage girl talks on the phone for about 30 Minutes. Then she says goodbye and puts the phone down. â€œWow!â€ say her father. â€œThat was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?â€

â€œIt was the wrong number,â€ the girl says.

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #2381 on:** April 27, 2012, 11:36:58 »

Quote from: Rbsanford on April 27, 2012, 00:16:12

whats a pirate's favorite letter?

you would think its "R" but its the "C" he's really in love with.

Que?

saltydog · « **Reply #2382 on:** April 27, 2012, 11:52:14 »

R as in Arrr.., C as in Sea..(a phonetic joke..

saltydog · « **Reply #2383 on:** April 27, 2012, 12:55:19 »

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 am."
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said... "It is 5.00am; wake up."

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #2384 on:** April 27, 2012, 16:33:20 »

Quote from: saltydog on April 27, 2012, 11:52:14

R as in Arrr.., C as in Sea..(a phonetic joke..

OK.... Thankyou...

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #2385 on:** April 27, 2012, 16:43:10 »

Joke of the day:-

Maybe Stuart2007 will tell us a funny? That will really be a joke!!

larsdehaan · « **Reply #2386 on:** April 27, 2012, 17:06:15 »

Quote from: CaptainMike1 on April 27, 2012, 16:43:10

Joke of the day:-

Maybe Stuart2007 will tell us a funny? That will really be a joke!!

imaginary +1

Gernot1971 · « **Reply #2387 on:** April 27, 2012, 17:23:46 »

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #2388 on:** April 27, 2012, 20:20:19 »

Quote from: CaptainMike1 on April 27, 2012, 16:43:10

Joke of the day:-

Maybe Stuart2007 will tell us a funny? That will really be a joke!!

I suppose I could always copy one from somewhere on the internet and pass it off as my own... However, I fear that if I were to read a "joke" as equally funny as some others here then I would be unable to contain my laughter.

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #2389 on:** April 28, 2012, 10:40:39 »

Quote from: Stuart2007 on April 27, 2012, 20:20:19

I suppose I could always copy one from somewhere on the internet and pass it off as my own... However, I fear that if I were to read a "joke" as equally funny as some others here then I would be unable to contain my laughter.

Here's a Stuart joke!!

One day, Mrs. Trimble was in terrible pain. Fortunately, old Dr. Stuart still made house calls.
The doctor came out of the bedroom a minute after he'd gone in and asked Mr. Trimble, "Do you have a hammer?"
Puzzled, Mr. Trimble went into his workshop and returned with a hammer.
The doctor thanked him and went back into the bedroom.
A few moments later, the doctor came out and asked, "Do you have a chisel?"
Mr. Trimble went to his workshop again and returned with a chisel.
Within the next few minutes, Dr. Stuart asked Mr. Trimble for and received a pair of pliers, a screwdriver, and a hacksaw.
The hacksaw request really got to Mr. Trimble. "What are you doing to my wife?" he asked.
"Nothing," replied Dr. Stuart. "I can't get my medical bag open!"

Gernot1971 · « **Reply #2390 on:** April 28, 2012, 11:26:03 »

Ok, hope my english is not too bad.

A government official came to a ranch in Texas and spoke to the old rancher. He said:
"I have to search their ranch for illegal drugs." The rancher replied, "All right, but
Please do not go into the field over there. " He pointed in the direction of the field.
The officer replied coldly: "Mister, I have the authority of the government, I should
go anywhere! "
He reached into his pocket, took his Pass out and showed it to the rancher.
"Look at this card here? Tells me and you know that I can go anywhere - on
every piece of land! Did I not make myself clear enough? Do you have the
understand? "
The rancher nods polite, apologizes and takes care then about his work.
A short while later the rancher heard loud Screams and sees the official race - to
run for his life - driven by the strongest Ranchers of the bulls ...
With every meter of the bull comes closer to the Officers approached and it looks almost like this,
that he reached the court hardly safe is, the cop caught up him. the Officials is totally beside himself ...
The rancher drops his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the officer, just as loud as he can:
"Your passport - they show him your
ID! "

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #2391 on:** April 28, 2012, 17:09:24 »

So that mobster, doing his time for a $ 3.000.000 plus hold-up, recieved a letter from his father:
"Dear Son,
What a shame that you are not among us right now. You know, it's the time to plow the land, and that one piece of land wit all the rubble give me a headache and a sore bag if I only think of plowing it.
Don't You know anybody who could help me out?
Hugs from Your dad and a big kiss from Your mum."

The guy wrote back to his father:
"Dear dad,
Please notify Bob and George about Your problem. I'm sure they will help you out gladly. But whatever you do, dad, do not, I repeat, do NOT plow that rubble infected part You wrote about. Somewhere in that part I burried the loot.
Give mum a kiss from me. Love You."

Three weeks later he recieved answer from his dad:
Dear son,
You never guess what happened a day after I recieved Your letter. At the first daylight three Army Trucks, loaded with about three dozen of men with shovels, entered my farm, drove right to that part of land we wrote about and started to remove every single stone and rock they could find. Then they plowed the whole land over and over again till sunset, then with a lot of words I will and can not repeat left, Only to come back the next day at sunrise to do the whole thing all over.
Finally they left and I never saw them again. So I no longer need the help from Your friends Bob and George.
The land is plowed enough and all the rocks and boulders are lying aside waiting to pave the road.
Bye for now.
Dad"

Gernot1971 · « **Reply #2392 on:** April 29, 2012, 13:05:04 »

Gernot1971 · « **Reply #2393 on:** April 30, 2012, 11:39:30 »

Note: If you say to 2 Policemen: "Gents, are you pettish, because mom dressed you two this morning the same clothes again?

Can you make a slight problem.

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #2394 on:** May 01, 2012, 13:24:03 »

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

Gernot1971 · « **Reply #2395 on:** May 01, 2012, 16:11:38 »

Difference betwen Europe and Japan in an office

Gernot1971 · « **Reply #2396 on:** May 02, 2012, 16:47:57 »

Ups, my last joke haven't pass the censor.

Gernot1971 · « **Reply #2397 on:** May 02, 2012, 17:02:21 »

Think, this joke has a chance to pass the censor.

A woman always has a visit from her lover while her husband is at work.
One day, the nine-year-old son hiding in the closet to watch what they do both because that ...
All of a sudden the husband comes home unexpectedly and the woman also hides her lover in the closet:
The son: "Dark here ..."
The man (whispering): "Right."
The son: "I have a football ..."
The man: "Good for you."
The son: "Do you want to buy?"
The man: "No, thank you!"
The son: "My father is out!"
The man: "OK, how much?"
The son: "250 €."
In the next few weeks, it happens again, that the son and the lover
in the same cabinet.
The son: "Dark here ...."
The man (whispering): "Right."
The son: "I have shoes."
The man, in memory, mentally sighing: "How much?"
The son: "500 €."
After a few days, the father says to his son: "Take your soccer stuff and let's play a game."
The son: "Sorry, I have not , sold anything!"
The father: "How much?"
The son: "For 750 €."
The father: "It's unbelievable how you betray your friends, this is much more than the things have cost. I will you to get confessions in the church."
The father brings his son into the church, places him in the confessional booth and closes the door.
The son: "Dark here ..."
The priest: "Stop that ...!"

clanky · « **Reply #2398 on:** May 02, 2012, 20:14:41 »

lol, that had me howling, but I would suggest you delete the last word in case the censor objects.

Gernot1971 · « **Reply #2399 on:** May 02, 2012, 20:41:34 »

Quote from: clanky on May 02, 2012, 20:14:41

lol, that had me howling, but I would suggest you delete the last word in case the censor objects.

No risk, no fun

I am very optimistic, that i dont must delete the last word. Over two hours later, the joke is not delete.

Author Topic: Joke of the day (Read 807437 times)

larsdehaan