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Ship Simulator > English forum > Small talk > Joke of the day
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Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 807423 times)

larsdehaan

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2350 on: April 15, 2012, 09:41:55 »
Quote from: Stuart2007 on April 14, 2012, 20:45:09
Excuse me, but this is a topic for jokes. Not the constructive or literative analysis of said jokes. Please stick to topic.
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Stuart2007

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2351 on: April 15, 2012, 13:09:39 »
Quote from: danny on April 14, 2012, 21:52:55
And today's fun fact:
Did you know that 85% of pie charts resemble Pacman?

Did you know that 87.45% of all statistics are made up on the spur of the moment?
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2352 on: April 15, 2012, 13:11:48 »
Quote from: Stuart2007 on April 15, 2012, 13:09:39
Did you know that 87.45% of all statistics are made up on the spur of the moment?


AAD AAD AAD

This is still off topic!!!!
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2353 on: April 15, 2012, 13:12:03 »
'What's wrong with Murphy?' asked Father Green. 'I don't know, Father. Yesterday he swallowed a spoon and he hasn't stirred since,' said Mrs Murphy.
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Ralphy

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2354 on: April 15, 2012, 13:43:50 »
Depth limit for recreational divers - 12 metres

Depth limit for experienced divers - 18 metres

Depth at which nitrogen bubbles develop in your blood - 30 metres

Scuba diving world record - 137 metres

Depth my £14.99 watch will operate up to - 500 metres

Cheers Casio, that's a relief
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2355 on: April 15, 2012, 15:33:26 »
Quote from: CaptainMike1 on April 15, 2012, 13:11:48

AAD AAD AAD

This is still off topic!!!!
As long as the master of the Universe, a.k.a. Stuart2007, thinks it's funny it's OK with me.

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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2356 on: April 15, 2012, 16:05:38 »
Quote from: Ralphy on April 15, 2012, 13:43:50
Depth limit for recreational divers - 12 metres

Depth limit for experienced divers - 18 metres

Depth at which nitrogen bubbles develop in your blood - 30 metres

Scuba diving world record - 137 metres

Depth my £14.99 watch will operate up to - 500 metres

Cheers Casio, that's a relief

This might be in the wrong thread?
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Ralphy

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  • Posts: 1242
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2357 on: April 15, 2012, 16:49:42 »
Quote from: CaptainMike1 on April 15, 2012, 16:05:38
This might be in the wrong thread?
It's not so much a joke, but isn't a joke suppose to be funny or to cause humor. It is sort of related....  ;D
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Stuart2007

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2358 on: April 15, 2012, 16:51:23 »
Quote from: Aad The Pirate on April 15, 2012, 15:33:26
As long as the master of the Universe, a.k.a. Stuart2007, thinks it's funny it's OK with me.

Sarcasm from aad! Look chap, I'm not the one who is constantly telling people their comments are not allowed (other than in jest you understand).

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Stuart2007

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2359 on: April 15, 2012, 16:51:50 »
Quote from: Ralphy on April 15, 2012, 16:49:42
It's not so much a joke, but isn't a joke suppose to be funny or to cause humor. It is sort of related....  ;D

As long as aad thinks so.... ;)
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Captain Cadet

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2360 on: April 15, 2012, 19:03:47 »
back to topic
(son playing the song charlie brown by coldplay in the backround)
dad: what song you playing about parting son?
son: Charlie brown by coldplay, why?
dad: no its not! it hasnt even mentioned the word charlie brown in it!
son: so!!! that's its name.
Dad: yea right.
son: look at my iPhone?
dad has a look at the iPhone. a text from the sons girlfriend appears saying "up for tonight" and dad says "let me guess your going to a party! is that what you were planning on doing????
son: no.
dad: so what were you doing?
son goes to the messaging servise.
son: fishing, as i told you.
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Captain Cadet
Please don't message me for technical support!

Ralphy

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2361 on: April 15, 2012, 19:17:35 »
Not sure if it's just me but I don't get that one CC.

Anyway, a new one

Quote
Last year my wife was furious that I missed her birthday, and insisted that in future I should plan at least two months in advance.

Well it's her birthday in 8 weeks time, and I'm pleased to say I've already bought her her present.

She's going to love these flowers.
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Stuart2007

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2362 on: April 15, 2012, 21:46:55 »
Quote from: Captain Cadet on April 15, 2012, 19:03:47
back to topic
(son playing the song charlie brown by coldplay in the backround)
dad: what song you playing about parting son?
son: Charlie brown by coldplay, why?
dad: no its not! it hasnt even mentioned the word charlie brown in it!
son: so!!! that's its name.
Dad: yea right.
son: look at my iPhone?
dad has a look at the iPhone. a text from the sons girlfriend appears saying "up for tonight" and dad says "let me guess your going to a party! is that what you were planning on doing????
son: no.
dad: so what were you doing?
son goes to the messaging servise.
son: fishing, as i told you.

Do what? :-\
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2363 on: April 22, 2012, 09:02:09 »
Quote from: Captain Cadet on April 15, 2012, 19:03:47
back to topic
(son playing the song charlie brown by coldplay in the backround)
dad: what song you playing about parting son?
son: Charlie brown by coldplay, why?
dad: no its not! it hasnt even mentioned the word charlie brown in it!
son: so!!! that's its name.
Dad: yea right.
son: look at my iPhone?
dad has a look at the iPhone. a text from the sons girlfriend appears saying "up for tonight" and dad says "let me guess your going to a party! is that what you were planning on doing????
son: no.
dad: so what were you doing?
son goes to the messaging servise.
son: fishing, as i told you.

Best yet!! ROTFLOL  ;D ;D :doh:
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saltydog

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  • Posts: 7828
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2364 on: April 22, 2012, 09:18:13 »
Sounds like something out of South Park (which keeps getting weirder)
The joke eludes me..
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Stuart2007

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2365 on: April 22, 2012, 17:23:52 »
I just got it myself. Haha... Nice one Captain Cadet. Very funny. I was just too slow to understand your witicism. You are indeed a master of comedy.
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2366 on: April 22, 2012, 17:55:06 »
Well done Stuart!!!

Not so lucky myself but I'm still working on it! Don't want to be beaten by a joke!!

 :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: :-\ :-\
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2367 on: April 22, 2012, 18:59:19 »
Quote from: Stuart2007 on April 14, 2012, 20:45:09
Excuse me, but this is a topic for jokes. Not the constructive or literative analysis of said jokes. Please stick to topic.
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Rbsanford

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2368 on: April 22, 2012, 19:30:40 »
so aad, the point of posting that was....

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Today's weather:

http://www.lsmma.com/webcam/webcam_st.html

Not to sound cliched, but what a long, strange, trip it's been.

Stuart2007

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2369 on: April 23, 2012, 00:45:28 »
Quote from: Aad The Pirate on April 22, 2012, 18:59:19


 ::)


Quote from: CaptainMike1 on April 22, 2012, 17:55:06
Well done Stuart!!!

Not so lucky myself but I'm still working on it! Don't want to be beaten by a joke!!

 :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: :-\ :-\

Keep working on it!
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2370 on: April 23, 2012, 09:06:31 »
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2371 on: April 23, 2012, 09:09:13 »
WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE - I'M BROKE!
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day,  to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying
A vacuum cleaner. 'Good  morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple minutes of your time,
I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.
''Go away!'' said the old lady. ''I'm broke and haven't got any money!'' and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed  it wide open...
''Don't be too hasty!'' he said. ''Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.''
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.Now if this vacuum cleaner does not remove
All traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning."
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saltydog

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  • Posts: 7828
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2372 on: April 23, 2012, 09:54:02 »
An African village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great white hunter, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never showed up. Finally, he told the tribal chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion. In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter lying there, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion. "What happened, bwana? Where is the lion? asked the chief. "Forget the damn lion !" he howled. "Which of you Idiots let the bull loose?"
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Gernot1971

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  • Posts: 381
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2373 on: April 23, 2012, 10:34:55 »
I am not sure, but i give the Picture small censor bars. Think its better, i dont want become trouble with the Forum rules.  ;)
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Grüße aus / Best regards from

Gernot1971

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  • Posts: 381
Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #2374 on: April 24, 2012, 07:52:35 »
A good way for the young generation to go outside and enjoy fresh air.  :doh:

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Grüße aus / Best regards from
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