Joke of the day

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[saltydog]

Hehe.. I had a good chuckle over some of those..

Some 15 year old girlfriends decided to meet for dinner. They discussed where to eat and finally agreed on McDonald's next to the Sea Side Restaurant because they only had $6.50 between them and Bobby Bruce, the cute boy in science class, lived on that street.

10 years later, the same girlfriends, now 25-year-olds, discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because it had free snacks, there was no cover charge, the beer was cheap, the band was good and there were lots of cute guys.

10 years later, the same girlfriends, now 35-year-olds, discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because the combos were good, it was near the gym and if they went late enough, there wouldn't be many whiny little kids.

10 years later, the same girlfriends, now 45-year-olds, discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because the martinis were big and the waiters wore tight pants and had nice buns.

10 years later, the same girlfriends, now 55-year-olds, discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because the prices were reasonable, it had windows which opened (in case of hot flashes), the wine list was good and fish was good for their cholesterol.

10 years later, the same girlfriends, now 65-year-olds, discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because they had an Early Bird Special and the lighting was good.

10 years later, the same girlfriends, now 75-year-olds, discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because the food wasn't too spicy and it was handicapped accessible.

10 years later, the same girlfriends, now 85-year-olds, discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because they'd never been there before.

[Rbsanford]

a guy walks into a bar, orders three beers, drinks them all, and leaves. the next day he orders three beers, drinks them all, and leaves. he continues to do this every day, and eventually the bartender and the patrons get curious. so they ask him why he does that and he says, "me and my brothers were close. one moved to Australia and another moved to England. every day we toast each other and drink up." soon he starts ordering two beers instead of three. the bartender says, "sorry that one of your brothers died." and the guy says, "what? nobody died. i just gave up beer for lent."

[dexter7]

It took me a minute to realize what you said, but now I understand.

[Rbsanford]

yeah, i thought about that. maybie not everyone knows what "lent" is.

its a 40 day period for the catholic faith where you must give up something you enjoy.

[Rbsanford]

drill inspector: "Private Johnson!"
private: "yes sir?"
drill inspector: "i didn't see you at camoflauge practice today!"
private: "thank you sir!"

[Aad The Pirate]

The Three Little Pigs

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.
"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.
"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.
"I want a cheesecake," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy.

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy,"   But why have you only ordered beer all evening?"
 
The third piggy says -
"Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!

[danny]

"I made a new discovery at work today," I said to my wife with a chuckle.

"You've worked at Land Rover for a week, and that joke's already wearing thin," she groaned.

[danny]

I recently bought 51% of a vampire hunting company.

I'm now the main stake holder.

[CaptainMike1]

In a Church in St Pauls, Bristol , on a Sunday morning a preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar." 

With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."  The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then  prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"

Leroy answered, "I don't know.  It ain't 'til Thursday."

[Aad The Pirate]

A german uboat sunk titanic

Excuse me for not laughing 

[larsdehaan]

Me neither and he obviously doesn't know what year Titanic was sunk!

Removed it, happy now?

[CaptainMike1]

Very happy!  

[Stuart2007]

Excuse me for not laughing 

Oh come off it, aad.

Lighten up for heaven sake.

[Stuart2007]

Thanks to ******** for sending me the private message.

In answer to your question, no I don't think Larsdehaan was overly funny with his comment, but nor do I think it worth making a big issue about.

[danny]

Now now ladies, Is this dispute really worth trashing a pair of perfectly good handbags?  

On a more ontopic note :

North Korea attempted to send a missile up.....but humour is not their strong point and apparently it fell flat.

[Ralphy]

Can't find a member called ********, or was that a Joke??

[Stuart2007]

Sarcastic- always.

Mike- I didn't think it appropriate to put the persons name there as it was a PM. I just wanted to make a point. But to give you a clue it should have been *** instead.

[clanky]

OK, I was going to bite my tongue over this, but I just can't.

Aad, what on earth do you think gives you the right to be the sole arbiter of what is funny / acceptable and what is not?  You have been rude and demeaning to people on a number of occasions and on at least one occasion this was because you failed to understand what was a perfectly funny joke.

I didn't see the latest target of your outrage, but was it really so bad that it required a comment from you?  I'm pretty sure that everyone is aware that that bloody ship wasn't sunk by a U-boat, but if you didn't find it funny then why not just ignore it?

I read you posts and you act like a teenage troll, then I see your profile and realise that you are an adult who should know better, I suggest you start acting like one.

[Aad The Pirate]

OK, I was going to bite my tongue over this, but I just can't.

Ahoy Clanky,
Please read this
In spite of Your Fireworks:
Kind Regards
Aad

And now, ladies and Gentleman, Please back to Topic

[CaptainMike1]

A sandwich walks into a bar.
 The barman says “Sorry we don’t serve food in here”

Hope this is OK Aad?

[Aad The Pirate]

Hilarious, and I mean it 

[Stuart2007]

And now, ladies and Gentleman, Please back to Topic

You STILL don't get it, do you?

[Stuart2007]

Hilarious, and I mean it 

Excuse me, but this is a topic for jokes. Not the constructive or literative analysis of said jokes. Please stick to topic.

[danny]

And today's fun fact:
Did you know that 85% of pie charts resemble Pacman?

[VirtualSkipper]

And today's fun fact:
Did you know that 85% of pie charts resemble Pacman?

With an addition to that: you can still see Pacman with 15% of the pie, not even concentrating on the pie.