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Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 840566 times)

Traddles

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1925 on: August 28, 2011, 19:21:51 »

                           THE GREEN THING            
In the line at the store, the cashier told an older Spambot that she
should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The Spambot apologized to him and explained, "We didn't have the green
thing back in my day."

The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did
not care enough to save our environment."

He was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store.
The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled,
so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled.

But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every
Store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower
machine every time we had to go two blocks.

But he was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the
throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up
220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.
But that cashier was right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every
room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?),
not a screen the size of the state of Montana.

In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have
electric machines to do everything for us.

When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used a wadded
Up old newspaper to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut
The lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working
so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But he's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup
or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water.
We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we
replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their
Bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service.
We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets
To power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a
signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old
Folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a
Lesson in conservation from a smartass young person.

Not new but none the less true!!!


« Last Edit: August 28, 2011, 19:23:52 by Traddles »
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1926 on: August 28, 2011, 19:31:51 »

Oooohhhhhh so true.  :2thumbs:

And so is this
Bedroom Story

I'm lying on my bed and think about you.
How unexpected you arrived last night.
And how eager I would hold and squeeze you

What happened last night in my bed, I simply can't forget.        
I still can feel the parts of my body where you touched me.
You arrived out of nowhere and your mouth was going all over my body.  

You really drived me crazy.
At last I fell asleep, and when I woke up, you were gone.  
I searched for you, but with no luck.  
My body still shows fainting marks of your enthousiasm.        
Therefore it's even more arduous to forget about you.[\center]




                       You bloodsucking Mosquito
« Last Edit: August 28, 2011, 19:52:38 by Aad The Pirate »
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vin_sun

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1927 on: August 28, 2011, 19:43:52 »

Angus, that's not a joke ! :D It's the gospel truth !!  :2thumbs:

... and it's not "Small Talk" either ..... it's a thought provoking matter !!!
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Rbsanford

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1928 on: August 28, 2011, 19:44:12 »

uhm... traddles, thats not really a joke. no offense. can we all please get back on topic and start telling jokes again?

since it was my viking joke that people didint get and made the topic spiral out of control, ill start:

a Spambot was found dead, floating in a bathtub full of milk and cheerios. the police suspect a cereal killer. ;D
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Stuart2007

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1929 on: August 28, 2011, 19:47:45 »

Rocket science or brain surgery, do you mean, Fred?  :P
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Traddles

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1930 on: August 28, 2011, 19:48:29 »

Hi Rbsanford, believe me that really IS a joke. When one is scorned by younger folks it is hilariously funny, to them. :( :-*
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Rbsanford

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1931 on: August 28, 2011, 19:49:13 »

oh. it just didint look like a joke to me.
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Traddles

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1932 on: August 28, 2011, 19:51:11 »

That is because you ARE a young person. ::)
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Ralphy

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1933 on: August 28, 2011, 20:14:40 »

I thought it was quite clever  :thumbs:

Thanks for that Ralphy, perhaps I am not so green as I am cabbage looking. :doh:
« Last Edit: August 28, 2011, 20:21:02 by Traddles »
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Mad_Fred

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1934 on: August 28, 2011, 23:35:31 »

Rocket science or brain surgery, do you mean, Fred?  :P

I meant to write what I wrote for the very reason of getting a reaction like this.  ;D

« Last Edit: August 28, 2011, 23:40:06 by Mad_Fred »
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1935 on: August 29, 2011, 09:56:23 »

Aad is always posting "don't write this, don't write that, topic locked" type comments.

Oh never mind- like most people I shall just avoid this thread like the plague. Very rarely is anything funny anyway.

Stuart, that's the funniest thing in weeks!!

 ::) ::) ::)
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Stuart2007

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1936 on: August 29, 2011, 11:03:42 »

Stuart, that's the funniest thing in weeks!!

 ::) ::) ::)

Regrettably, my very straight face, unfunny comment, IS the funniest thing in weeks. However, I shall leave you to your thread totally free of my comments and I invite all those who don't find this funny and are making adverse comments to join me and leave these comedians alone.

Just because we don't find it all funny, it doesn't mean others do.
« Last Edit: August 29, 2011, 11:05:19 by Stuart2007 »
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danny

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1937 on: August 30, 2011, 12:40:18 »

I'm not sure this classifes as a joke, but its still funny!
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IRI5HJ4CK

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1938 on: August 30, 2011, 12:50:51 »

Locals are said to be in a state of shock after Police found a stash of guns behind the library in Glasgow yesterday.

 A spokesman said, "The people of Glasgow had no idea they had a library."
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1939 on: August 30, 2011, 13:13:09 »

Locals are said to be in a state of shock after Police found a stash of guns behind the library in Fleetwood yesterday.

 A spokesman said, "The people of Fleetwood had no idea they had a library."
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Rbsanford

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1940 on: August 30, 2011, 14:01:38 »

locals are said to be in a state of shock after police found a stash of guns behind the fittness center in Miluakee yesterday.

a spokesman said, "the people of miluakee had no idea they had a fitness center."
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Ralphy

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1941 on: August 30, 2011, 15:00:33 »

And now for something completely different...

Dear Tech support.

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

No mention of this phenomenon was included
in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications.
Also it appears to have self installed some kind of system destroying application called Mother-In-Law 2.5, which appears interfear with all other applications I attemp to run?

I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but uninstall does not work on this program. Can you help me!!

Thanks Joe



Dear Joe:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program.

Wife 1.0 is an "OPERATING SYSTEM" and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained.

It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.

Look in your manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support". I recommend you keep Wife1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (PS). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause.

The best course of action will be to enter the command C: APOLOGIZE.
The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the PS.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0.

Do not, under any circumstances, install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

There is an application called Mistress 2.1 which may help, but we warn you, this MUST be installed using STEALTH MODE!! As again this is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of Luck.
Tech Support
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saltydog

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1942 on: August 30, 2011, 15:15:08 »

Nice one.. :lol:   I keep my system simple and run program Bachelor 4.0   ;D
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Wave Music

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1943 on: August 30, 2011, 15:29:53 »

I'm not sure this classifes as a joke, but its still funny!


Lmaoooooooooooooooooo0000000000000000000000OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  ;D
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1944 on: August 30, 2011, 17:19:11 »

Lmaoooooooooooooooooo0000000000000000000000OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  ;D

Must be a Russian Ikea joke?
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saltydog

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1945 on: August 30, 2011, 17:28:23 »

As far as I know danny is not Russian..  Even I get it.. ;D
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1946 on: August 30, 2011, 17:29:10 »

I thought that was the reason WM liked it, he seems to like most things Russian?
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Wave Music

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1947 on: August 30, 2011, 17:49:58 »

I thought that was the reason WM liked it, he seems to like most things Russian?

Russia is a unique country.  Nothing like the boring Europe.
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Ralphy

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1948 on: August 30, 2011, 18:08:16 »

Inbefore 7 year old rule is preached   ::)
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Bullets

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1949 on: August 30, 2011, 18:09:25 »

Time for a joke..

On the day of the wedding, Sophie was getting dressed, surrounded by all her family, and she suddenly realised she had forgotten to get any shoes.

Panic.

Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Sophie for the day.

Unfortunately they were a bit too small and by the time the festivities were over Sophie's feet were agony.

When she and Edward withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of was getting her shoes off. The rest of the Family crowded round the door to the bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected, grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually they heard Edward say 'God, that was tight.' 'There,' whispered the Queen. 'I told you she was a virgin.' Then, to their surprise, they heard Edward say. 'Right. Now for the other one.'

Followed by more grunting and straining and at last Edward said 'My God. That was even tighter.' That's my boy,' said the Duke. 'Once a sailor, always a sailor.'





 :2thumbs: more more more  :2thumbs:
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