Joke of the day

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[Aad The Pirate]

The funniest Joke of the World !?

Part 5

The top Australian joke was as follows:
This woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very worried.
She says: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face. What's wrong with me, doctor?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes and then calmly says: "Well I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight .."

To be continued

[saltydog]

"Just call Apeldoorn"  (funny ad)   

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAe4VEN6lBM

[Ralphy]

Push the brake pedal?

[Aad The Pirate]

Proverbs For The Information Age

 1. Home is where you hang your @.
 2. The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
 3. A journey of a thousend sites begins with a single click.
 4. You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks.
 5. Great groups from little icons grow.
 6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
 7. C:\ is the root of all directories.
 8. Oh, what a tangled website we have when first we practice.
 9. Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish.
10. The modem is the message.
11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.
12. The geek shall inherit the earth.
13. There’s no place like homepage
14. Don’t byte off more than you can view.
15. Fax is stranger than fiction.
16. What boots up must come down.
17. Windows will never cease.
18. Virtual reality is its own reward.
19. Modulation in all things.
20. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him to use the Nintendo and he won’t bother you for weeks.

[Aad The Pirate]

25 Phrases Of Wisdom

1.   If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
2.   Age is a high price for maturity.
3.   Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
4.   Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5.   If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you have never tried before.
6.   My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7.   Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8.   It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9.   For every action, there is an equal and opposite government programme.
10.   If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11.   Bills travel through the post at twice the speed of cheques.
12.   A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
13.   Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14.   Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.
15.   No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16.   A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.
17.   Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
18.   Middle age is when broadness of mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
19.   Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20.   There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21.   Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
22.   By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23.   Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24.   Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25.   Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

[CaptainMike1]

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.
 
 'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'
 
 'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'
 
 'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning..
 
 'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.
 
 Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kms.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)
 
 'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
 
 'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.
 
 The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
 
 'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.
 
 The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.
 
 'So bust him,' says the Chief.
 
 'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.
 
 The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!'
 
 'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.
 
 The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'
 Cop: 'Bigger.'
 
 Chief: ' A senator?'
 Cop: 'Bigger'   
 
 Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
 Cop: 'Bigger.'
 
 'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'
 
 Cop: 'I think it's God!'
 
 The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'

 Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'

[jim.smith]

Where have you been Mike.Have you escaped from a senior citizens home.

[CaptainMike1]

Where have you been Mike.Have you escaped from a senior citizens home.

Just got rather tired of all this!

[Aad The Pirate]

'OLD'  IS WHEN...
Your  sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and  make love,'
and you answer, 'Pick  one; I can't do both!'


'OLD'  IS WHEN...
Your  friends compliment you on your new  alligator shoes
and you're  barefoot..


'OLD'  IS WHEN...
A  sexy babe catches your fancy
and your  pacemaker opens the garage  door,

'OLD'  IS WHEN.....
Going  braless
pulls all the wrinkles out of  your face.

'OLD'  IS WHEN...
You  don't care where your spouse goes,
just  as long as you don't have to go  along.


'OLD'  IS WHEN...
You  are cautioned to slow down by the doctor
instead  of by the police

'OLD'  IS WHEN...
'Getting  a little action'
means you don't need  to take any fiber today.

'OLD'  IS WHEN...
'Getting  lucky' means you find your car
in the  parking lot.

'OLD'  IS WHEN....
An  'all nighter' means not getting up
to  use the bathroom.

AND

'OLD'  IS WHEN...
You  are not sure these are jokes

[Aad The Pirate]

   

UP

Read until the end.....you'll laugh....

This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is 'UP.'  It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?
Why do we speak UP,
and why are the officers UP for election
and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends,
brighten UP a room,
polish UP the silver,
warm UP the leftovers
and clean UP the kitchen.
We lock UP the house
and fix UP the old car.

At other times this little word has real special meaning.
People stir UP trouble,
line UP for tickets,
work UP an appetite,
and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: 
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped  UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP !

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary..
In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about
thirty definitions

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP .
When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.
When it rains, it soaks UP the earth.
When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on & on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now  ........my time is UP !


Oh....one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night?

U  P !

Did that one crack you UP?

[McGherkin]

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two seater Cessna aircraft crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1,826 bodies so far and expect that number to rise as digging continues.

[Aad The Pirate]

This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed.  
It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.
 

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.  
I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play.  
I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire.  
Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand.  
I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me...  
Call (555) 875-6420 and ask for Annie, I'll be waiting.....

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[gibby12]

hahahah cute puppy

[Aad The Pirate]

CIA Joke

The CIA had a special mission for a special agent.
After an intensive program of selection, there was a shortlist of three top agents – two men and one woman. They were taken to a secret location for the final stage of the selection process.

In the reception room, they faced three locked and windowless rooms.

The first agent – a man - was told: “We have to be sure that you will do whatever we tell you to do. Here’s a gun. In that first room, you will find your wife seated, blindfold and handcuffed. Kill her!”
The man looked incredibly shocked and insisted: “There’s no way I could kill my wife”.
He was told; “Then you’re not the man for this job. Leave here and never say anything about what you have seen”.

The second man was given the same instructions in relation to the second room.
He entered the room and, for a long time, there was silence. Then he came out, his eyes streaming with tears. “I tried to do it”, he said, “but I just couldn’t”.
“Then you haven’t got what it takes”, he was told. “Go immediately and forget you ever applied for this job”.

There was only the female agent left and she was told that her husband was in the last room.
She went in as instructed. At first there was silence. Then there was a loud bang, then another, then yet another.
Next there was loud shouting, fierce screaming and incredible banging.
Finally the woman emerged from the room wiping the sweat from her face.
“That darn gun was full of blanks”, she screamed. “I had to kill him with the chair”.

[Aad The Pirate]

Daddy comes by accident into his daughters Bedroom.
A Letter lies on her bed. After a moment of hesitation he decides to read the Letter:
“Dearest Dad,
Before You read any further, please sit down..........
It’s with pain in my heart that I have to tell You about my leaving Home and are living now together with my friend. I’m all in Love with him. He is a very kind and friendly guy, in spite of his piercings, tattoo’s and his giant Motorcycle.
But that’s not all. I’m pregnant and Achmed told me that we will be very happy at his temporary Hide-Out, at the brother of his Fathers Aunt.
He want’s a lot of kids and as You know, that’s my greatest wish too. And the long, black dress with the veil is very handy to avoid the sun, flies etc.
I just found out that Marihuana is not addictive at all, and we decided to grow it in our back yard, for us and our friends to use. Achmed is also busy in trading XTC and Cocaine and we have our own production line. We are doing very well, if I may say so.
The money we earn with this trade we need very hard, because we also are using that stuff, and the raw materials are quite expensieve.
You always told me that love alone is not enough to live from, so if you could spare a couple of hundreds..........
Achmed is inviting a few of his friends on a regulair base, so I can pay my share too.
I beg You to contact Your good friend, Dr.Med. X  if he has a supply of medication to cure Achmeds HIV.
And Dad, please don’t worry. After all, I’m already 14 Years of age and can look after myself.
In a couple of Years I’m coming over to visit You so You can see Your Grandchildren.
Your Loving daughter Cecile
XXXXX

P.S.
Daddy, are You still reading? And not frightened to much???
Silly You, that letter is only a Prank!
I’m playing at my Girlfriend’s Home, and just want to proove to You that there are more serious things then a bad School Report.
Mine lies onder my Pillow....................

[Aad The Pirate]

Joke or Prank?!

It's ready!!







Only joking! But i'm just showing what it might look like!  

It's ready!!







Only joking! But i'm just showing what it might look like!  

Your Decision

[McGherkin]

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman are on a plane flying across Europe when all of a sudden there is a mighty explosion and the planes fuselage blows off leaving all 3 hanging on the wing. Alarmed at what is going to happen, all of a sudden the 3 hear a yelling from the pilot saying that he should still be able to land the plane, just in order to do so he needs to balance the weight of the plane out, and to do so one of them will have to let go and fall off. After much pondering finally the Englishman pipes up and says "Ok, I'll do it, but on one condition", "Whats that?" the other 2 ask, "I'll do it as long as I can sing a song first," of course the other 2 are happily going to let the guy sing a song before he plummets to his death so they give him the nod. The Englishman clears his throat and starts off, "If your Irish and you know it clap your hands!

[Aad The Pirate]

The genie and the Lamp

One day, a man was walking along the beach and came across an odd-looking lamp.
Not being one to ignore tradition, he rubbed it and, much to his surprise, a Genie actually appeared.
“For releasing me from the lamp, I will grant you three wishes,” said the Genie.
The man was ecstatic.
“But there’s a catch,” the Genie continued.
“What catch?” asked the man, eyeing the Genie suspiciously.
The Genie replied, “For each of your wishes, every lawyer in the world will receive DOUBLE what you asked for”.
“Hey, I can live with that! No problem!” replied the elated man.
“Then what is your first wish?” asked the Genie.
“Well, I’ve always wanted a Ferrari!”
POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man.
“Now, every lawyer in the world has been given TWO Ferraris,” said the Genie. “What is your next wish?”
“I could really use a million dollars ... “ replied the man, and POOF! One million dollars appeared at his feet.
“Now, every lawyer in the world is TWO million dollars richer,” the Genie reminded the man.
“Well, that’s okay, as long as I’ve got MY million,” replied the man.
“And what is your final wish?” asked the Genie.
The man thought long and hard, and finally said, “Well, you know, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney ... .”

[Traddles]

Aad, 100% marks for that last one.

[IRI5HJ4CK]

Hahahah That one is a cracker. Especially MCG's one about the Irishman on the plane

[Aad The Pirate]

History of the World according to American Grade School Student Exam Papers

1.   Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in Hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2.   Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingrediants. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
3.   Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
4.   The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had Myths. A Myth is a female moth.
5.   Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.
6.   Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death his career sufferred a dramatic decline.
7.   Eventually the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for long.
8.   Julius Ceaser extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made King. Dying he gasped out: ‘Tee hee, Brutus’
9.   Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.
10.   Another story was William Tell who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his sons head.
11.   Queen Elizabeth was the ‘Virgin Queen’. As a Queen she was a great success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted ‘hurrah’.
12.   It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of the blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100 foot clipper.
13.   The greates writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo’s last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
14.   Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
15.   One of the causes of the revolutionary war was the English put tacks in their tea. Also the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colnists won the war and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the contented congress. Thomas Jefferson, a virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the declaration of independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, ‘A horse divided against itself cannot stand’ Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
16.   Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practised on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German and half Italian and half English. He was very large.
17.   Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this.
18.   The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steam boat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men.
19.   Louis Paster discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species. Madman Curie discovered raio. And Karl Marx became one of the Mark Brothers.
20.   The first world war, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

[Aad The Pirate]

Signs In Foreign Lands

Those of you who may be planning summer travel, please remember that people in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists.
Here is a list of signs seen around the world.

- Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
- At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO GUARD ON DUTY.
- Doctors office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
- Hotel, Acapulco: THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.
- Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan: COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
- Car rental brochure, Tokyo: WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR.
- In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
- On the grounds of a private school: NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.
- On an Athi River highway: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
- On a poster at Kencom: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.
- In a City restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
- One of the Mathare buildings: MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE.
- A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.
- In a Pumwani maternity ward: NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.
- In a cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
- Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
- On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
- In a Tokyo bar: SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
- In a Bangkok temple: IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
- Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand: PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM.
- Hotel brochure, Italy: THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.
- Hotel lobby, Bucharest: THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.
- Hotel elevator, Paris: PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.
- Hotel, Yugoslavia: THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
- Hotel, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
- In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
- Hotel catering to skiers, Austria: NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION.
- Taken from a menu, Poland: SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION.
- Supermarket, Hong Kong: FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.
- From the "Soviet Weekly": THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.
- In an East African newspaper: A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.
- Hotel, Vienna: IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.
- A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
- Hotel, Zurich: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
- An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.
-A laundry in Rome: LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
- Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia: TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
- Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
- The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.
- In a Swiss mountain inn: SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM.
- Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
- On the door of a Moscow hotel room: IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT

[Aad The Pirate]

Husband Down

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband. 'It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'

The doc at the First Aid Post: "He will be able to eat solid food in about two weeks and be able to walk again in about 4 weeks"

[rennie]

yawn zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Mad_Fred]

Rude behaviour won't be tolerated, so a friendly warning; Make your posts worthwhile and polite.