Joke of the day

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

[HmhsBritannic]

Heh. 

Now Can Someone Please Answer My Question?   

[Aad The Pirate]

Heh. 

Now Can Someone Please Answer My Question?   

Is that a joke?
You are in the "Joke of the Day" thread, if you didn't notice.

[HmhsBritannic]

I Posted A Joke That Was Also A Question Before. 

[HmhsBritannic]

......... 

[McGherkin]

In case nobody saw it, Britannic is asking how to get the Titanic out of her dock.


Try searching, there may be a topic about that particular mission. If not, PM a moderator...

[Aad The Pirate]

In case nobody saw it, Britannic is asking how to get the Titanic out of her dock.


Try searching, there may be a topic about that particular mission. If not, PM a moderator...

Precise that's what I ment here ( http://80.95.161.114/shipsim/forum/index.php/topic,10830.msg236355.html#msg236355 )


Anyhow, let's continue with the problems:
I'm quite sure my landlord is trying to kill me. Look how he fixed my hot water supply for the shower.

[TJK]

oh dear oh dear  i think you shod move to another safe place before the apartment give you a shock 
a place near a hospital maybe 

[TJK]

Virus Alert

entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you as soon as possible. Please share this with others immediately!!

Monica Lewinsky virus........Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Lorena Bobbit virus..........Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.

Ellen Degeneres virus........Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC.

Titanic virus................Makes your whole computer go down.

Disney virus.................Everything in the computer goes Goofy.

Mike Tyson virus.............Quits after one byte.

Prozac virus.......Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.

Woody Allen virus.........By-passes the motherboard and turns on daughter card.

Joey Buttafuoco virus........Only attacks minor files.

Spice Girl virus.............Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.

Ronald Reagan virus..........Saves your data, but forgets

Dr. Kevorkian virus.....Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them.

Oprah Winfrey virus........Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus........Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

Then there is the Clinton PC. It has a six inch hard drive and no memory.

FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS- Divides your hard drive into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

PAUL REVERE VIRUS- This revolutionary virus doesn't horse around. It warns you of impending disk attack, once if by LAN, twice if by C.

AT&T VIRUS- Every three minutes it reminds you what great service you are getting.

MCI VIRUS- Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the AT&T virus.

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS- Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS- Computer locks up, screen splits vertically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

AIRLINE VIRUS- You're in Chicago but your data is in Singapore.

STAR TREK VIRUS- Invades your system and boldly goes where no virus has gone before.

TED TURNER VIRUS- Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

PBS VIRUS-Your PC stops what it is doing every few minutes to ask for money.

[HmhsBritannic]

In case nobody saw it, Britannic is asking how to get the Titanic out of her dock.


Try searching, there may be a topic about that particular mission. If not, PM a moderator...

Irish Winter Knock Knock Joke. (Classic)


Knock Knock.

Whos There?

Irish.

Irish Who?

Irish I Could Come In! Its Freezing Out Here!

[HmhsBritannic]

Why Did I Quote That? 

[McGherkin]

The square root of a lemon.

[VirtualSkipper]

Escalator?

[TJK]

Long waiting to get on the top their  in Norway the stairs are going automatic 

[HmhsBritannic]

Escalator?

More Like A Fail-Ulator. 

[Aad The Pirate]

What a poor guy

[CaptainMike1]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After


They got  their  tent all set up, both men went inside and fell sound asleep.


Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,


"Kemo Sabe,  look  towards sky; what you see?"


The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."


"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.


The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,


"Astronomically speaking, it  tells me there are millions of  galaxies.


Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the  morning.


Theologically, the Lord  is all powerful and we are small and  insignificant.


Meteorologically, it  seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.


What does it tell you,  Tonto?"


"You dumber than buffalo whatsit. Someone stole tent."

[Stuart2007]

Michael, how I WISH I could have predicted the lottery results with the same accuracy as that punch line   

[CaptainMike1]

At dawn the telephone rings, 'Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house.'

 'Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?'

 'Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead'

 'My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?'

 'Si, Senor, that's the one.'

 'Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?'

 'From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod.'

 'Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?'

 'Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.'

 'Dead horse? What dead horse?'

 'The thoroughbred, Senor Rod.'

 'My prize thoroughbred is dead?'

 'Si Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart..'

 'Are you insane? ? What water cart?'

 'The one we used to put out the fire, Senor.'

 'Good Lord!! What fire are you talking about, man??'

 'The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.'

 'What the hell?? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?? !!'

 'Si, Senor Rod.'

 'But there's electricity at the house!  What was the candle for?'

 'For the funeral, Senor Rod..'

 'WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!'

'Your wife's, Senor Rod', she showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Taylor-Made R580 golf club.'

 
 SILENCE . . . . . .... . . LONG SILENCE . . . . . . . ...

 'Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep trouble!!'

[Captain Cadet]

Precise that's what I ment here ( http://80.95.161.114/shipsim/forum/index.php/topic,10830.msg236355.html#msg236355 )


Anyhow, let's continue with the problems:
I'm quite sure my landlord is trying to kill me. Look how he fixed my hot water supply for the shower.

that will hurt.
reminds me when i went to a camp and they shut off the building gets the hot water first. they moved out and all the hot water came to us... in the shower 
awch

[VirtualSkipper]

Its now tuesday.

A robot from the future came along from coming Friday.
Then another robot from coming Thursday came along.

Who of these 2 robots came earlier?  

[Stuart2007]

VS- it is Tuesday today...

[VirtualSkipper]

there was standing 'tuesday' all the time 

[The Ferry Man]

So who came first then?

[VirtualSkipper]

 i dont know 

[McGherkin]

Oh dear.

900th post! 1000-post club here I come!