Topic: Joke of the day (Read 839981 times)

McGherkin · « **Reply #1575 on:** January 16, 2010, 18:31:20 »

Well I call it Season. And Aad, I'd probably take the kids.

EDIT: Silly me, This post has started a new page. Go back a page to see what I'm talking about.

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1576 on:** January 16, 2010, 18:35:17 »

Problem # 21
Ever heard of Murphys Law?
After fixing that pothole (problem # 20) I got very hungry, and due to Murphys Law, my BBQ broke down.
No problem when you use your garden tools in a way they aren't designed for.

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1577 on:** January 17, 2010, 16:35:46 »

The retired Captain woke up one night 'cause he heard some noise from the jetty where his schooner was moored. Looking out of the window from his log cabin he saw some people who obvious were stealing from his property.
He took his phone and called the police and told them what was happening. "Are the thieves in your home" the police office"r asked.
"No, they are on my boat" replied the oldtimer.
"Well, be as silent as possible, and when I can spare a patrolcar I will send it over" replied the policeman. "at the moment they are all occupied"
The captain hung up the phone, counted from 1 to 100 and called again. "I gave you a call about 2 minutes aga about those burglers, but you don't have to hurry anymore. I took my gun and shot them all down".
Within 5 minutes there arrived three patrol cars and an ambulance. The police arrested those burglers redhanded. The commanding officer asked the captain: "I thought you shot them all?!"
The captain replied: "And you told me there where no patrol cars available!"

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #1578 on:** January 17, 2010, 18:31:17 »

*G**etting Married*

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Devon , are all excited
about their decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a
chemist. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds "

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about suppositories?"

Pharmacist: "You bet!"

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer's?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for
Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely.."

Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"

Pharmacist: "We sure do."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob: "Adult incontinance pants?"

Pharmacist: "Sure."

Jacob: "We'd like to use this store for our wedding presents list..."

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #1579 on:** January 17, 2010, 18:38:09 »

McGherkin · « **Reply #1580 on:** January 17, 2010, 18:46:11 »

Quote from: CaptainMike1 on January 17, 2010, 18:31:17

living in Devon

I would like to point out that we aren't all like that. But the Green Army Plymouth Argyle Aviva advert IS spookily accurate...

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1581 on:** January 17, 2010, 18:55:39 »

Problem # 22
The right side of my care had a small dent, so I fixed it

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #1582 on:** January 17, 2010, 19:04:54 »

Quote from: McGherkin on January 17, 2010, 18:46:11

I would like to point out that we aren't all like that. But the Green Army Plymouth Argyle Aviva advert IS spookily accurate...

Ooh arrr... arr, ye liyke moy custard and moy rice puddings hur? Whart abourt moy DEVONSHIE pasties [insert whatever bad comment you like about Cornish pasties here]

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1583 on:** January 17, 2010, 21:50:10 »

What has this ( http://80.95.161.114/shipsim/forum/index.php?topic=10830.msg235037#msg235037 ) by McGherkin and that ( http://80.95.161.114/shipsim/forum/index.php/topic,10830.msg235044.html#msg235044 ) by Stuart2007 to do with this topic?

McGherkin · « **Reply #1584 on:** January 17, 2010, 22:08:50 »

Well my post was a joke about people from Devon, or more specifically Plymouth...

Not quite sure what Stuart's on about...

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #1585 on:** January 17, 2010, 23:13:13 »

Quote from: Aad The Pirate on January 17, 2010, 21:50:10

What has this ( http://80.95.161.114/shipsim/forum/index.php?topic=10830.msg235037#msg235037 ) by McGherkin and that ( http://80.95.161.114/shipsim/forum/index.php/topic,10830.msg235044.html#msg235044 ) by Stuart2007 to do with this topic?

About as much as pictures of cars with home made repairs I would have thought...

EDIT: No offence intended. I only didn't laugh out loud at them as I thought if I did my head would fall off.

(source:quoted Blackadder 2)

HmhsBritannic · « **Reply #1586 on:** January 18, 2010, 19:26:19 »

Quote from: Aad The Pirate on October 06, 2008, 13:32:53

Ahoy Sealords (and Ladys)
How about this one? A new topic with (maritime) jokes
I kick off: What happens when You don't follow the unwritten law "Spambot and children first?"
See attechment (click to animate)
Regards
Aad

Megaladon 3..... The Movie

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1587 on:** January 18, 2010, 23:00:14 »

Problem # 23
And they say Styrofoam is un-recyclable

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #1588 on:** January 18, 2010, 23:45:02 »

Quote from: Aad The Pirate on January 18, 2010, 23:00:14

Problem # 23
And they say Styrofoam is un-recyclable

In a boat?

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1589 on:** January 19, 2010, 15:40:58 »

Quote from: CaptainMike1 on January 18, 2010, 23:45:02

In a boat?

Says who?

For The Landlocked Pirate

Firestar · « **Reply #1590 on:** January 19, 2010, 23:41:28 »

Quote from: RJS87 on July 20, 2009, 22:37:06

What would you get when tupac wasn't born in a ghetto, but would be an educated sailor instead???

TUG LIFE

Oh...that is boss..

In fact, that joke is the only place on the entire forum where the name 'Tupac' was mentioned. Except for this one now, of course.

Quote from: Aad The Pirate on January 19, 2010, 15:40:58

Says who?

For The Landlocked Pirate

Is that even legal?

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1591 on:** January 20, 2010, 00:32:33 »

Quote from: Firestar on January 19, 2010, 23:41:28

Is that even legal?

In a car toon or as a kind of joke, I think it is.

HmhsBritannic · « **Reply #1592 on:** January 20, 2010, 01:01:39 »

Quote from: firestar12 on December 20, 2008, 16:07:53

I didn't quite get it, Probably cause im not a brit but nice job!

It Means He Lies Every Second, So It Moves So Fast It Can Be A Fan.

Firestar · « **Reply #1593 on:** January 20, 2010, 02:14:04 »

Oh...

That guy, he deleted his account. He won't be seeing that reply anyway.

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #1594 on:** January 20, 2010, 17:08:32 »

Quote from: Firestar on January 20, 2010, 02:14:04

Oh...

That guy, he deleted his account. He won't be seeing that reply anyway.

Would he WANT to after 13 months?

HmhsBritannic · « **Reply #1595 on:** January 24, 2010, 16:02:48 »

What Not To Do With Titanic,

(1): Dis-Regard Iceberg Warnings.
(2): Build It In A Dock Where Its Too Shallow To Get It Out Of. XD

(Really, How Do You Get The Titanic Out Of The Dock In Its Mission?)

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1596 on:** January 24, 2010, 16:33:32 »

How do you encourage drivers to keep the speed limit?
Well, just don't repair the potholes.
OR make some fake potholes, after all, we want to let them have accidents.

Capt. Matt · « **Reply #1597 on:** January 24, 2010, 16:59:10 »

Believe me here they arent fake

HmhsBritannic · « **Reply #1598 on:** January 24, 2010, 17:24:13 »

Quote from: HmhsBritannic on January 24, 2010, 16:02:48

What Not To Do With Titanic,

(1): Dis-Regard Iceberg Warnings.
(2): Build It In A Dock Where Its Too Shallow To Get It Out Of. XD

(Really, How Do You Get The Titanic Out Of The Dock In Its Mission?)

I Mean It. T_T

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #1599 on:** January 24, 2010, 18:38:46 »

What happened?
Isn't this fantastic.
Wow! I wonder if this were sent to people 55 years from now if it would still have the same impact!


Funny......yet sad...55 years ago..!!

Comments made in the year 1955! That's only 55 years ago!

'I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $10.00.

'Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $1,000.00 will only buy a used one.

'If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. 20 cents a pack is ridiculous.

'Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 7 cents just to mail a letter

'If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.

'When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 25 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage.

'I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.

'I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas .

'Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $50,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't
surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the President.

'I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now.

'It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married Spambot are having to work to make ends meet. 'It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.

'I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.

'Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to government..

'The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.

'There is no sense going on short trips anymore for a weekend, it costs nearly $2.00 a night to stay in a hotel.

'No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $15.00 a day in the hospital, it's too rich for my blood.'

'If they think I'll pay 30 cents for a hair cut, forget it.'

Author Topic: Joke of the day (Read 839981 times)

Firestar

Firestar