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Ship Simulator > English forum > Small talk > Joke of the day
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Author Topic: Joke of the day  (Read 807559 times)

Captain Best

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1550 on: January 06, 2010, 22:40:23 »
Quote from: Aad The Pirate on January 06, 2010, 22:37:18
Maybe a little late, but better late than not at all.
Just click the attachement once.
Have Fun
Hi Aad. How can i run a PPS file?
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1551 on: January 06, 2010, 23:48:37 »
Quote from: captain best on January 06, 2010, 22:40:23
Hi Aad. How can i run a PPS file?
You'll need Microsoft Powerpoint or any powerpoint compatible programm like Open Office.
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1552 on: January 07, 2010, 16:59:39 »
Problem # 16
My car wouldn't start this morning. I thought it was because of the extreme cold. But it was just a loose battery connection.
So I fixed it
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McGherkin

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1553 on: January 07, 2010, 17:15:44 »
Quote from: Aad The Pirate on January 07, 2010, 16:59:39
Problem # 16
My car wouldn't start this morning. I thought it was because of the extreme cold. But it was just a loose battery connection.
So I fixed it

Look at the close proximity of the handle to the other terminal...

Good thing the other end is insulated...
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Stuart2007

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1554 on: January 07, 2010, 17:18:46 »
McG

Anyone who is stupid enough...

I once dropped a spanner onto a 12v battery, the spanner welded itself to the terminals (made a lovely handle once it cooled down. Shame the battery was knackered)
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McGherkin

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1555 on: January 07, 2010, 17:48:39 »
Quote from: Stuart2007 on January 07, 2010, 17:18:46
McG

Anyone who is stupid enough...

I once dropped a spanner onto a 12v battery, the spanner welded itself to the terminals (made a lovely handle once it cooled down. Shame the battery was knackered)

Hahaha LMAO

Reminds me of a story about how the Cubans charge car batteries (As quoted from Clarkson's Motorworld)

Quote
...on every street corner, someone is hooking up a bucket of water to the mains supply to recharge their 40-year-old battery.

God knows how this works but the sparks and the steam suggest some kind of reaction happens in the bucket. Some kind of reaction happens at the power station, too, which, in rural Cuba, only supplies power for four hours a day

That's another contender for the Darwin Award then...

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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1556 on: January 08, 2010, 15:57:17 »
Whoever thought the last problem was a serious attempt to 'fix a Problem' has to realize that this thread is called "JOKE of the day"

Problem # 17
To many birds found my 'standard' mailbox to attractive, so I solved it
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McGherkin

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1557 on: January 08, 2010, 15:58:28 »
Quote from: Aad The Pirate on January 08, 2010, 15:57:17
Whoever thought the last problem was a serious attempt to 'fix a Problem' has to realize that this thread is called "JOKE of the day"

I don't think it's in any way serious...
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Stuart2007

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1558 on: January 08, 2010, 17:24:07 »
calm down Aad, please.

---

There are three girls going to a water park for the day. One is brunette, one is a redhead and the last is a blonde. When they get to the park, they see a Magic Wishing Slide. They decide to give it a go.

The brunette is the first to go down the slide. She yells 'Monneeeeeeeey!!!'. When she shoots out of the end of the slide, she lands in a pool of money.

The redhead is next. She slides down and
yells 'Chocccollate!!!'. When she shoots out of the end, she landed in a pool of chocolate.

The blonde slides down screaming 'WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!'. When she shoots out of the end, she lands in a pool of...
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Stuart2007

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1559 on: January 08, 2010, 17:25:11 »
There was a blonde that lived in a small house on the corner of 4th Avenue.

She had a small shed in her backyard where she kept gardening tools. One day, she thought she saw smoke coming out of the roof of the shed.

In a panic she called 911. They answered and said "This is Joe, is there an emergency?"

The blonde replied "Yes my shed is on fire!!!" Joe said, "Don't panic help in on the way...where do you live?"

The blonde said, "IN A HOUSE, NOW HURRY!!"

Joe calmly responded back, "How are we supposed to get there?"

The blonde answered back, "DUH!!! A BIG RED TRUCK!"
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Stuart2007

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1560 on: January 08, 2010, 17:26:06 »
One day President Obama fell off a bridge and was saved by three young boys.

Obama thanked them and said he'd give them all one thing in the whole world.

The first boy asked for a trip to Disney Land and vuala... that summer he was in Disney Land.

The second boy asked for a pair of Nike Shocks and sure enough the next day he was wearing a pair of Nike's.

The third boy asked for a wheel chair with a plasma TV, cup holders and hydrolics.

Obama, looking puzzled at the boy, asked why he wanted a tricked out wheel chair because he didn't look disabled.

The young boy replied, "I will be after my father finds out that I saved you".
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saltydog

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1561 on: January 08, 2010, 18:01:19 »
After creating the world, and a well earned restday, God decided to go down and see how things were..
He found Adam dozing underneath a coconut palm by the sea..
 -"Hello Adam, how are you?"
"Oh, hi there God, I'm allright..a bit sore in the rib area"..
 -"Good good, so where's Eve ? "
" She's out there somewhere, I think she went for a swim"..
 -"Oh no! Now I'll never get that smell off the fish! "..  ;D
« Last Edit: January 08, 2010, 19:12:42 by saltydog »
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1562 on: January 08, 2010, 19:00:08 »
Problem # 18
The right door of my car was one big dent. Didn't have money to replace it by a spare, so I fixed it this way. And the chain lock will keep those burglers out......I think
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1563 on: January 09, 2010, 18:25:47 »
Who says women can't park cars!

View My Video
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1564 on: January 09, 2010, 22:39:23 »
Silver in the Hair
Gold in the Teeth
Stones in the Kidneys
Sugar in the Blood
Iron in the Arteries
Lead in the gall blatter
And an inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas

Never knew I was so wealthy



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McGherkin

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1565 on: January 10, 2010, 22:18:50 »
 ;D
« Last Edit: January 10, 2010, 22:26:09 by McGherkin »
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1566 on: January 11, 2010, 00:35:29 »
Remember Problem # 18 ?
Here is Problem # 18b
Now, on my second car, the left door lock is defect. So, to keep the burglers out, I used a bungee cord to lock the door
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Firestar

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1567 on: January 13, 2010, 01:21:43 »
Quote from: Stuart2007 on January 08, 2010, 17:26:06
One day President Obama fell off a bridge and was saved by three young boys.

Obama thanked them and said he'd give them all one thing in the whole world.

The first boy asked for a trip to Disney Land and vuala... that summer he was in Disney Land.

The second boy asked for a pair of Nike Shocks and sure enough the next day he was wearing a pair of Nike's.

The third boy asked for a wheel chair with a plasma TV, cup holders and hydrolics.

Obama, looking puzzled at the boy, asked why he wanted a tricked out wheel chair because he didn't look disabled.

The young boy replied, "I will be after my father finds out that I saved you".
Ohh...

That is funny...xD
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1568 on: January 14, 2010, 22:58:34 »
Problem # 19

Look what they did to my 3rd car, I could cry  :'(
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McGherkin

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1569 on: January 15, 2010, 08:06:44 »
Someone did that to my mother's Merc, little  :evil:s

But they didn't make a new badge...
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1570 on: January 15, 2010, 17:17:14 »
Problem # 20
When I was cruising with my latest car I discovered a huge pothole. When you drive in one like this one it could damage your car. So, I fixed it.
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1571 on: January 16, 2010, 18:22:49 »
And for the next JOKE?
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McGherkin

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1572 on: January 16, 2010, 18:25:33 »
Quote from: CaptainMike1 on January 16, 2010, 18:22:49
And for the next JOKE?

Q: What do you call a panda crossing the road?

A: Season.
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Aad The Pirate

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1573 on: January 16, 2010, 18:26:38 »
Sometimes You have to make a choice:
Do you take a doggie (attachment 1)
Or do you take kids (attachment 2)

The choice is Yours
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CaptainMike1

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Re: Joke of the day
« Reply #1574 on: January 16, 2010, 18:26:45 »
Quote from: McGherkin on January 16, 2010, 18:25:33
Q: What do you call a panda crossing the road?

A: Season.

No, a pelican!
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