Joke of the day

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[CaptainMike1]

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O’Leary’s apartment
when Murphy loses €500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead.
Showing respect for their fallen friend the other five continue playing standing up.
Michael O’Connor looks round and asks, “Oh me boys, someone’s got to tell Paddy’s wife,
who will it be?” They draw straws and Patrick Gallagher draws the short one. They tell
him to be discreet, be gentle, and not make a bad situation any worse. “Discreet?? I’m the
most discreet Irishman you’ll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.”
Gallagher goes over to Murphy’s house and knocks on the door. Mrs Murphy answers and asks him what he wants? Gallagher declares “Your husband has just lost €500 and is afraid to come home.”
“Tell him to drop dead” says Mrs Murphy.
“I’ll go tell him” says Gallagher!!

[IRI5HJ4CK]

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O’Leary’s apartment
when Murphy loses €500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead.
Showing respect for their fallen friend the other five continue playing standing up.
Michael O’Connor looks round and asks, “Oh me boys, someone’s got to tell Paddy’s wife,
who will it be?” They draw straws and Patrick Gallagher draws the short one. They tell
him to be discreet, be gentle, and not make a bad situation any worse. “Discreet?? I’m the
most discreet Irishman you’ll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.”
Gallagher goes over to Murphy’s house and knocks on the door. Mrs Murphy answers and asks him what he wants? Gallagher declares “Your husband has just lost €500 and is afraid to come home.”
“Tell him to drop dead” says Mrs Murphy.
“I’ll go tell him” says Gallagher!!

LOL

Good one!!

[Aad The Pirate]

If Women controlled the World (Last part)

[CaptainMike1]

If Women controlled the World (Last part)

Didn't last long Aad!

[Aad The Pirate]

Be glad they don't really control the World.
Otherwise WE had to fix all those problems.
Problem No. 1: Missing tail light

<edit:
typo
end edit>

[Aad The Pirate]

I was having trouble with my computer.
So I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.
Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him: "So, what was wrong?"  
He replied: "It was an ID ten T error."
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired: "An 'ID ten T error'? What's that? In case I need to fix it again."
Eric grinned.... : "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No", I replied.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."          
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T  

I used to like Eric, the little twerp .

[firestar12]

Here's a real one.

[Aad The Pirate]

New Cabbie

The passenger of a cab, sitting on the backseat, leans forward and tabs the cabbie on his shoulder to attract his attention 'cause he wants to ask him a question.
The cabbie screems out on the top of his lounges, looses the control over the cab, nearly misses a bus and stops on the sidewalk just an inch away from a large shop window!
After a few seconds of total silence the cabbie reacts with a trembling voice: "Sorry for that, but you frightend the hell out of me."
The passenger apologizes to the cabbie and says that he couldn't forsee that a slight tab on the shoulder could cause a reaction.
The cabbie answers:"You don't have to apologize. It's I who sould apologize to you. It's all my mistake. You have to know that this is my first day as a cabdriver. Till yesterday I was driving a funeral car for about 25 years."

[CaptainMike1]

A butler came running into his important masters office.

"Sir, sir, theres a ghost in the corridor. What shall I do with him?"

Without looking up from his work the master said, "Tell him I cant see him."

[Stuart2007]

Here's a real one.

What? 

[firestar12]

What? 

Nevermind..I won't explain it.

[Stuart2007]

Nevermind..I won't explain it.

Should I be disappointed...?

[The Ferry Man]

What? 

Do I have to explain this one...

I mean I think I know it ***Shock...

[Aad The Pirate]

Be glad they don't really control the World.
Otherwise WE had to fix all those problems.
Problem No. 1: Missing tail light

<edit:
typo
end edit>

Problem No. 2
Broken garden sprinkler

[The Ferry Man]

Problem No. 2
Broken garden sprinkler

 

That is a great solution...

If I had a hosepipe, I would try it out

Cheaper too...

 

[Stuart2007]

What about the poor farmers of dry, third world places- like Sussex- what would they think of you wasting all that water.

Think of the polar bears..

[The Ferry Man]

What about the poor farmers of dry, third world places- like Sussex- what would they think of you wasting all that water.

Think of the polar bears..

It has been pouring all week...

[Stuart2007]

It has been pouring all week...

Then WHY do you need a sprinkler?

[The Ferry Man]

Then WHY do you need a sprinkler?

I don't...

[Aad The Pirate]

Problem No. 3
Broken Window-sit, run out off bricks.

[CaptainMike1]

Ahoy Aad

Thanks for bringing this back on topic with a great joke. Other's didn't see the point of the thread!!

 

[Aad The Pirate]

Problem No. 3b
more bricks

[CaptainMike1]

Problem No. 3b
more bricks

ROTFLOL

[CaptainMike1]

Digging potatoes


Idly the American tourist watched the Cork man dig and turn over the soil. Eventually he called:

'Hey, buddy, what's that you're doing?'

'I'm digging potatoes, sor.'

'Potatoes? Those small things? You call them potatoes? Back home in Iowa we have potatoes ten times that size!'

'Yes, sor. But you see. We only grow them to fit our mouths!'

[Aad The Pirate]

Problem No. 4
My doorstep broke down