Joke of the day

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[Captain Best]

haha.this is funny

[IRI5HJ4CK]

Jack

[RMSGreatBritain]

lol at both of those Jack and Captin best!

[ABCRic]

haha.this is funny

I got that pic in an email... it was a free version of windows Vista. You see, Vista in portuguese means view (example: "the view from my window")

[Aad The Pirate]

Eet your green vegetables, my mum told me every time. Well, if she had seen this she wouldn't insist on it.

[Aad The Pirate]

This evening my neighbour came to my house, really in Panic. "Help me, please help me", he said.
I asked: "What's the matter, chap? "
"My mother in law will commite suicide by jumping out of the window" was his answer.
Knowing that his relationship with his wifes mother was only so-so I said: "Well, let her jump, then".
"That's the problem" he said, "The window got stuck in the groove, and I'm not able to open it alone".

[Minime]

Lol, very good aad

[firestar12]

Nice one Aad.

[Gloat]

A policeman was interviewing three blondes who wanted to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he showed the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hid it. "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answered, "That's easy! We'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman said, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashed the picture at the second blonde and said, "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggled, flipped her hair and said, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily replied, "What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing, because this is a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he showed the picture to the third blonde and said, in a very testy voice, "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?" He quickly added, "And think hard before answering, so you don't say something completely idiotic."

The blonde looked at the picture intently for a moment and said, "Hmmmm...The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman was stunned speechless, because he honestly didn't know whether the suspect wore contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file, and I'll get back to you on that." He left the room and went to his office, checked the suspect's file in his computer, and came back beaming. "Wow!" he said, "I can't believe it...It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! But how were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses, because he only has one eye and one ear."

[Minime]

lol very good gloat

[firestar12]

Nice one Gloat.

[Gloat]

Another:

She was tired of everyone thinking that blondes were stupid, and she didn't like all these jokes. To end the injustice, she decided to prove to the world that she was smart.

In order to prove herself, she chose to memorize the capital of every American state. It wasn't an easy task, but she was determined and eventually managed to do it.

A few days later she was in a bar, and heard a couple of men laughing at a blonde joke. This was the perfect opportunity to start righting all the wrongs that had been done to blondes in the past - she would set these men straight!

Marching over at a rapid pace she announced,
"It isn't true that all blondes are stupid, and I will prove it. Just ask me the capital of any American state, and I will tell you what it is."

Although a little surprised, the men did challenge her and asked,
"Ok, how about Arizona?"

The Blonde, after pausing for a moments thought, proudly gave the answer,
"A"!

[firestar12]

You sure like those blonde jokes.

[TerryRussell]

You sure like those blonde jokes.

And your joke is...?


I rang up my local cinema today.

I said "Is that the local cinema?".

"Depends where you're calling from" said the voice on the phone.


Amanda, a blonde lady, found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on a plane. The lawyer kept annoying her, asking  to play a game of intelligence.

Eventually the lawyer offered Amanda 10 to 1 odds.  He said every time she could not answer one of his questions, she would owe him $5, but every time he could not answer her question, he’d give her $50.00.

The lawyer figured he couldn't lose. Amanda accepted his challenge as she was fed up with his pestering.

The lawyer asked the first question: “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?”

Without saying a word Amanda handed him $5.  Then she asked her first question:  ”What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”

The lawyer was puzzled.  He spent several hours looking up everything he could on his laptop and placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer.  Finally, angry and frustrated,  he gave up and paid Amanda $50.00

Amanda put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”

Without saying a word, Amanda handed him $5. 

[Aad The Pirate]

Serves him (the lawyer) right. Well done, Amanda !!

[Gloat]

And your joke is...?


Amanda, a blonde lady, found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on a plane. The lawyer kept annoying her, asking  to play a game of intelligence.

Eventually the lawyer offered Amanda 10 to 1 odds.  He said every time she could not answer one of his questions, she would owe him $5, but every time he could not answer her question, he’d give her $50.00.

The lawyer figured he couldn't lose. Amanda accepted his challenge as she was fed up with his pestering.

The lawyer asked the first question: “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?”

Without saying a word Amanda handed him $5.  Then she asked her first question:  ”What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”

The lawyer was puzzled.  He spent several hours looking up everything he could on his laptop and placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer.  Finally, angry and frustrated,  he gave up and paid Amanda $50.00

Amanda put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”

Without saying a word, Amanda handed him $5. 

That was the best joke in this topic - the one that made me laugh for 5 mins flat

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days. This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty pounds.

The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.

At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question: "How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"

[Aad The Pirate]

That one I read in National Geographic Magazine:
A pack of dogs attacks a crocodile in Florida.

The nature sometimes seems to be cruel, but there is also sheer beauty in this cruelty, and sometimes ther's justice in cruelty.

The crocodile, one of the meanest killing machine, can still be the victim of teamwork and mentality of special breeded dogs.

Have a look at this picture from Nature Magazine.

Have special attention for the Alfa Dog, her jaws around the croc's jaw to disable the croc's breathing. Another dog snatches the croc's tail so it can't attack the dogs with it.

Meanwhile the third of the pack goes for the croc's soft underbelly.

Caution: Not for those with a sensitive mind and/or stomage.

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[Gloat]

Have you guys noticed that this topic is called JOKE OF THE DAY but we are getting 10 jokes a day?

[Aad The Pirate]

Have you guys noticed that this topic is called JOKE OF THE DAY but we are getting 10 jokes a day?

Is this a joke 

[Aad The Pirate]

Yummie, Yummie, in my Tummy

[Gloat]

Is this a joke 

no

[Aad The Pirate]

Jokes, please, Gentleman. No idle chatter, if you would be so kind.
Thanks in advance.
Aad

[Gloat]

Sally goes to work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned his employee, walks over to her and asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call that my mother had passed away."

The boss, feeling very sorry at this point suggests to the young girl, "Why don't you go home for the day...we aren't terribly busy. Just take
the day off and go relax."

Sally very calmly states, "No I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind busy and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual. "If you need anything just let me know" says the boss.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on Sally. He looks out his office and sees her crying hysterically.

He rushes over an asks, "What's the matter now? Are you going to be ok?"

Sally breaks down in tears. "I just received a horrible call from my sister. She said that her mom died too!!"



I didnt get it at first (well I did, it wasnt really funny) but read it again, its hilarious!



A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening.
She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other Spambot only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It's good, innit?"
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.
"Is that because I'm blonde?" she asks.
"Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde." The mom says.
Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other Spambot only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It's good, innit?"
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.
"Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" she asks.
"Yes, darling it's because you're blonde." The mom says.
Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other Spambot have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mummy. "Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?"
"No darling, it's because you're 25."

[Aad The Pirate]

ROFLOL

[Gloat]

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is!”

My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”




A young Spambot said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over."
"What do you mean?" said the doctor.
The Spambot touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts."
The doctor asked the Spambot, "Are you a natural blonde?"
"Why yes," she said.
"I thought so," said the doctor... "You have a sprained finger."