I was in a local tavern in a time-hidden little coastal town. There sat a crusty old pirate enjoying a grog in the corner. I was curious about his peg leg, eye patch and hook for a hand so I pulled up a chair to share a few drinks. Tell me sir, I said. How did you come by your wooden peg leg? Welllll Maitey - he drawled. Me mates were havin a bit of fun and we were all drunk on deck one night. Before I knew it they threw me overboard to sober me up! As I swam back to the boat I seed a fin break the surface -- and before me mates could get me back onboard the shark had a piece of me leg! Oh, I said. That must have been terrible. AYE mate, it were! - Then tell me sir, how did you come by your hook? - Argghhh! he says. That were the time a squall line were blowin in from the North. I's a working the foredeck and bringing in the sheets. Just as me pulled the belayin pin, a big gust of wind come up and blowed out the tall sail. The problem were me hand were caught in the line as the sail blowed out. It ripped her clean off me arm! Well, I replied. Sounds like you've had some hard times. So tell me, how did you come by your eye patch. Well sonny, the old pirate went on, me was swabbin the deck one day when a frigate and lots of seagulls flewed over the masts. Me raised up me head to look and - SPLAT! - one of them birds pooped in me eye!
- I paused for a second waiting for more of a story, then asked. But sir, I don't understand. How is it that a little bird poop would cause you to lose your eye! ARRGGHH MAITEY!!! That were the first day me had me new hook!!
