Topic: Joke of the day (Read 839388 times)

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #725 on:** March 22, 2009, 20:19:21 »

Quote from: Agent|Austin on March 22, 2009, 20:08:49

Thats what I thought.

I seem to recall that there was some truth in one of these tales. I know the US/Canadian story pre-dates the British/Irish one.

In any case, the idea that we could put that many ships out at once...

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #726 on:** March 22, 2009, 20:34:21 »

B4coffee

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #727 on:** March 22, 2009, 22:20:47 »

Quote from: Aad The Pirate on March 22, 2009, 21:47:11

Gentlemen, please ease up. It's a 'joke' thread, not a political one.
Stuart2007, you know better than double posting. ( http://www.shipsim.com/ShipSimForum/index.php/topic,10830.msg164801.html#msg164801 ) ( http://www.shipsim.com/ShipSimForum/index.php/topic,10830.msg164803.html#msg164803 )

Please explain? I can only see single posts. $:-\$

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #728 on:** March 23, 2009, 00:59:05 »

How is your life?

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #729 on:** March 23, 2009, 11:05:01 »

Blonde Millionaire

A blonde named Barbara appeared on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...

Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left. The next question will give you the million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"

Barbara: "Sure I'll have a go."

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it...

A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush

"Remember, Barbara, it's worth 1 million dollars."

Barbara: "It's a cuckoo."

Regis: "You're sure? You can walk with the $500,000 or play on for the million."

Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C - Cuckoo."

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Barbara: "It is."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Barbara: "Absolutely!"

Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C -Cuckoo. Well....you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS Here is
your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."

That night Barbara calls her friend Carol and they go to a local bar for a celebration drink. As they are sipping their champagne. Carol turns to Barbara and asks, "Tell me, how did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not build its own nest?"

"It was so simple," Barbara replied, "Everybody knows that cuckoos live
in clocks."

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #730 on:** March 23, 2009, 14:34:52 »

New in Shop

RMSGreatBritain · « **Reply #731 on:** March 23, 2009, 18:26:00 »

Mike and Aad....Both just lol!

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #732 on:** March 23, 2009, 18:31:02 »

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: 'My friend is dead! What can I do?'

"The operator says: 'Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.' There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: 'OK, now what?

Gloat · « **Reply #733 on:** March 23, 2009, 20:45:10 »

Quote from: CaptainMike1 on March 23, 2009, 11:05:01

Blonde Millionaire

A blonde named Barbara appeared on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...

Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left. The next question will give you the million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"

Barbara: "Sure I'll have a go."

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it...

A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush

"Remember, Barbara, it's worth 1 million dollars."

Barbara: "It's a cuckoo."

Regis: "You're sure? You can walk with the $500,000 or play on for the million."

Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C - Cuckoo."

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Barbara: "It is."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Barbara: "Absolutely!"

Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C -Cuckoo. Well....you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS Here is
your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."

That night Barbara calls her friend Carol and they go to a local bar for a celebration drink. As they are sipping their champagne. Carol turns to Barbara and asks, "Tell me, how did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not build its own nest?"

"It was so simple," Barbara replied, "Everybody knows that cuckoos live
in clocks."

i posted that before

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #734 on:** March 23, 2009, 20:49:06 »

Quote from: Gloat on March 23, 2009, 20:45:10

i posted that before

Great minds think alike!!!

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #735 on:** March 23, 2009, 21:55:50 »

No comment

firestar12 · « **Reply #736 on:** March 23, 2009, 22:06:47 »

Nice one Aad. This isn't really a joke but I just did this and thought it was pretty funny. So, in the 3d modeling program "Blender", there is a test model you can aad called Suzanne and it is a monkey. (Kinda like the components in Google Sketchup) The one on the right is how it normally looks, and on the left, look what I did to it...haha...

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #737 on:** March 23, 2009, 23:21:29 »

Better memorize where the stuff on your (real life) desktop is situated.

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #738 on:** March 25, 2009, 18:01:17 »

My buddy is missing

TerryRussell · « **Reply #739 on:** March 25, 2009, 19:18:33 »

My wife thought you might enjoy this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2FX9rviEhw

I think it's wonderfuly funny, not to mention clever!

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #740 on:** March 25, 2009, 23:20:05 »

Now figure this.
Ypou're sitting on the back of a magnificant white stallion, to your right a deep ravine, to your left a big Fire-ngine, trying to overtake you, but can't because it's blocked by a motorcycle. In front of you a giant, pink, flying pig. Behind you a big Apache-Helicopter with blazing machine guns. And NO, you're not dreaming. You pinched yourself twice and it hurts. So, how do you escape that situation?

Think first before scrolling down for the answer.

Simple, just ask the operator of the Merry-Go-Round to stop his machine.

capn_cal · « **Reply #741 on:** March 26, 2009, 00:37:20 »

Quote from: TerryRussell on March 25, 2009, 19:18:33

My wife thought you might enjoy this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2FX9rviEhw

I think it's wonderfuly funny, not to mention clever!

wow

thats amazing!

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #742 on:** March 26, 2009, 10:13:42 »

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on
>
> The sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the
>
> Mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.' The second blonde
>
> Says, 'Here, let me see!' So the first blonde hands her the compact.
>
> The second one looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #743 on:** March 26, 2009, 21:05:11 »

HHMMM, almost like thise one. http://www.shipsim.com/ShipSimForum/index.php/topic,10830.msg152186.html#msg152186

This one is new (or is is old, 'cause it's in B&W)

saltydog · « **Reply #744 on:** March 26, 2009, 21:08:58 »

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #745 on:** March 26, 2009, 21:13:29 »

Fish are going modern nowadays, getting piercings etc.

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #746 on:** March 28, 2009, 15:17:21 »

So that dude was laying a wooden floor in his home. The oldfashioned way, with a hammer and nails. The nails were all in a large box. So once in a while he throw a nail away. His buddy asked him why. "Well, most of the nails are OK, point down, head up. But some of them are just the other way around, you know. Point up, head down. Useless to nail on the floor."
His buddy said: "You dummy, don't throw them away, you always can use them for the ceiling."

<edit
TYPO
end edit>

Aad The Pirate · « **Reply #747 on:** March 29, 2009, 15:57:48 »

There was a small guy sitting in a bar with a pint in front of him, looking rather sad. Then that big guy comes in, slaps him on the back, grabs the pint and swallows it down in one big gulp. The small guy starts wiping..
"Hey, buddy, it's only a pint of beer, why cry?"
"Well, My wife left me this morning, took away all furniture with her and emptied the bank account. My boss told me not to come back. So I decieded to make an end to my life. Guess what, I layed down on the railway track: DETOUR, tried to hang myself, rope broke, tried to shoot myself, the gun jammed. From my last money I bought this pint, added some rat poison to it, and then you drunk it. May I be sad?"

CaptainMike1 · « **Reply #748 on:** March 29, 2009, 16:06:54 »

I have a magical dancing duck

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.

Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"

"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

firestar12 · « **Reply #749 on:** March 29, 2009, 17:01:25 »

Quote from: CaptainMike1 on March 29, 2009, 16:06:54

I have a magical dancing duck

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.

Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"

"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

Great one Mike!

Author Topic: Joke of the day (Read 839388 times)

firestar12

TerryRussell

firestar12