Topic: The French are going on strike again (Read 2008 times)

Stuart2007 · « **on:** February 19, 2010, 09:03:48 »

Oi, Messrs et madames

Why are the French immigration authorities bothering to go on strike when they don't seem to do much anyway, except scoul at the evil British holiday makers and day trippers for daring to visit their country and prop up the local economy of Pas de Calais?

And does this mean that now that our dangerously useless government is going to sell Douvres, that we are going to see strikes here in Douvres as well as in Calais? Sacred bleu!

In days gone by ferry captains would say "Spambot and gentlemen, due to a sudden strike by our dear, dear neighbours, the French, we are returning back to Dover until their weak government caves in to what ever demand they have this time..."

now it will be:

"Spambot, gentlemen, hermaphrodites[sp] and others. Due to a difference of opinion between our EU leaders and the workforce (which is their inalienable human right), we are not able to call at Calais (except to upload some illegal immigrants who have slipped past the striking workers) and will be returning to Douvres, where we will be unable to dock due to a difference of opinion between our EU leaders and the workforce (which is their inalienable human right).

In the meantime, members of my crew will be coming around the ship seeking donations for our parent company in Dubai, which (like this ship) is sinking. Sheik Abdul has invited you all to face east and join him in praying for our ability to secure a berth in Douvres...

To keep you entertained, we thought you might like to hear the ships whistle and see a lifeboat demonstration... We shall play 9 short blasts and 1 long blasts...

ALTERNATIVE ENDING TO STORY

"Spambot and gentlemen, TS, Hermaphrodites etc, we have now arrived in Douvres, where the time is GMT+1. Please remember to have your passport ready for when you LEAVE the port between France and the British border which is near Whitfield (or Folkestone for those who haven't a clue where Whitfield is). I would like to thank you for travelling Capt Pugwash ferries and I would like to say I hope to see you soon, but quite frankly I am going to work for Eurosewer as a train driver instead."

clanky · « **Reply #1 on:** February 19, 2010, 16:24:07 »

That was awesome, you have just won a free internet.

P.S. Sorry to be pedantic, but it's 7 short blasts....

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #2 on:** February 19, 2010, 16:58:34 »

acording to the IMO it is at least 6... It doesn't specify a maximum number

And I was taking account of anyone who might be hard of hearing and miss some of them

clanky · « **Reply #3 on:** February 19, 2010, 17:21:02 »

Quote from: Stuart2007 on February 19, 2010, 16:58:34

acording to the IMO it is at least 6... It doesn't specify a maximum number

And I was taking account of anyone who might be hard of hearing and miss some of them

lol @ the hard of hearing bit , where do you get 6 from? link? It has always been 7 or more short blasts.

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #4 on:** February 19, 2010, 17:35:57 »

Err... I hit the wrong key by mistake

OK. After looking harder, that source is questionable (I think he throws pancakes for a living...) and I think it is actually 6 1/2 (or more)+ 1

clanky · « **Reply #5 on:** February 19, 2010, 17:37:36 »

I once called a captain an ineffectual pancake maker, by the time he figured out what I meant I had gone.

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #6 on:** February 19, 2010, 18:12:35 »

gone where....

Overboard?

McGherkin · « **Reply #7 on:** February 19, 2010, 18:21:28 »

Don't forget the Ryanair trearment, coming to a P-and-Oh near you!

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #8 on:** February 19, 2010, 18:24:14 »

Quote from: McGherkin on February 19, 2010, 18:21:28

Don't forget the Ryanair trearment, coming to a P-and-Oh near you!

What do you mean? Are they now doing Dover-Calais (though probably actually luton to madrid instead!)

McGherkin · « **Reply #9 on:** February 19, 2010, 18:27:54 »

They will get desperate. They will try every route imagineable, including DC(ITSE)

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #10 on:** February 19, 2010, 18:35:13 »

Who will get desperate?

Ryanscare or Pee and Oh no

McGherkin · « **Reply #11 on:** February 19, 2010, 18:38:07 »

Pee and oh no. They will only last for a couple of trips on DC(ITSE) though.

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #12 on:** February 19, 2010, 18:40:14 »

McG, spit it out man. What do you mean?

McGherkin · « **Reply #13 on:** February 19, 2010, 18:48:03 »

P and O will get desperate as they become more and more broke. They will start trying different routes to see jus where they will make money. They will inevitably try DC(ITSE) and try to run things like Ryanair (you pay for everything, even the whistle on your life jacket) and nobody will use them any more and that will be that.

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #14 on:** February 19, 2010, 19:50:02 »

pee and oh no try dcitse?

Err... They DO run DCITSE. As you know.... I'm not quite sure what you mean by that bit.

As for running a normal priced service that APPEARS cheap, they do some lite (as they insist on spelling light (pancake throwers)) services at night- or used to.

I'm not sure of how else they could implement ryanscare policies- running between cheaper ports? Maybe Flokestone to Boulogne... But ARE they cheaper?

In winter making you stand out on deck, but letting you INSIDE for an extra payment...

clanky · « **Reply #15 on:** February 19, 2010, 19:52:43 »

Quote from: Stuart2007 on February 19, 2010, 19:50:02

In winter making you stand out on deck, but letting you INSIDE for an extra payment...

In summer charging you to go outside.

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #16 on:** February 19, 2010, 19:55:33 »

Onto a winner...

Perhaps it should be suggested for the Bilbao

McGherkin · « **Reply #17 on:** February 19, 2010, 19:56:06 »

Ship sinking? Sorry sir, but you must upgrade to the 'LifeSafe Package'. For just Â£100, you get a lifejacket, Whistle, Emergency Light (Batteries Sold Seperately) and a seat on a lifeboat.

No, Hang on, you have to pay to reserve the seat in the lifeboat.

Terms and Condtions Apply. Reserved Lifeboat Seat measures 10cmx10cmx10cm. Passengers unable to fit into this space must buy extra seats to accomodate their size and pay a Â£1000 excess charge.

The Ferry Man · « **Reply #18 on:** February 19, 2010, 19:56:29 »

And you are told to go to the toilet beforehand to save weight

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #19 on:** February 19, 2010, 19:56:54 »

Trust you...

McGherkin · « **Reply #20 on:** February 19, 2010, 19:57:36 »

Quote from: Stuart2007 on February 19, 2010, 19:56:54

Trust you...

Me or TFM?

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #21 on:** February 19, 2010, 20:25:08 »

TFM and his toilet humour

The Ferry Man · « **Reply #22 on:** February 19, 2010, 20:37:58 »

Um... If I remember... that is actually true...

Jammy · « **Reply #23 on:** February 20, 2010, 00:14:49 »

What did the French immigration authorities do anyway? We still get illegal immigrants coming in from there. It's like a game of Bulldog (excuse the British pun), if the immigrants manage to get onto the ferry then the authorities give up, if they get caught they just get let released into the "wild" again to try and strike another day.
I see why some politicians call it the "open door" policy.

Stuart2007 · « **Reply #24 on:** February 20, 2010, 12:01:18 »

Here's one for you.

A ship leaves Calais with 10 illegal immigrants onboard, headed for Douvres, but for some reason heads back to Calais where they are discovered... Does that mean that the French will get the fine? Who will fine them? The French?

Interesting though it is, I suspect soon we will see people smuggling themselves OUT of Britain, desperate to seek a life in a safe and politically stable country... "Indepdendence for the Isle of Wight" anyone?

Author Topic: The French are going on strike again (Read 2008 times)